Think I might be getting selfish

kellerman

Hi Everyone,
Just an opinion please. My sister just had her op on Friday and when I went in today I was told that as she isn't eating much,they might let her come out tomorrow afternoon...to me...as she would have to have her drain in for at least another week.
I was speechless (unusual for me) but as the ward are perfectly aware I have done these before they didn't see a problem.
Oh folks....I don't know what to do. I'm exhaused,I ache,back/hip/groin/feet and flipping hands. This has really upset me...yet I love my sister...just thought I was getting a few days break.
This hasn't been mentioned to my sister.
I'm getting myself really upset about this.I know she had a painful night.
Anyway...it's up to me I suppose.....just came out of the blue....so shocked.
Sorry folks....I always come here with my problems. May

valval

well does not sound selfish to me if she not eating hospital the best place for her what are you suposed to do that they can not do. you need to talk to them about it explaine how exhausted you are and explaine your worries good luck val

kellerman

Val...I worked on this ward....8 years ago before my cancer and long before arthur.Like I said this would be second nature to me.....but....oh boy I don't think I could cope at the moment.
I just don't know what to do. I think it is far too soon to discharge her.

valval

you must explaine this to them if she comes out to early she will only end up back in and it could be for christmas just because you used to do it does not meen you are up to looking after some one 24/7 on your own it to much for any one my hands often shake i not sure about yours but it would not help if they do val

cebeem

Aw May(()))
you are not being selfish probably far from it.

You need to be prepared and ready to do your best for your sister.
Explain to them your situation and that will give you a few days to adjust.

I have been on both side of the fence..as the carer you need to be organised , feeling strong, focussed and informed about your sisters situation.

As the patient I requested not to be sent out on a particular day as I knew I was not ready...saying that when I did get home I ate better due to the lack of stress I was experiencing in the hospital ...and eating does help the recovery as does a good power nap in the afternoons.

Please ask them to give you a few days...especially at this time of year.

I hope you manage to sort something suitable for you both.

C

suzygirl

Hi, I don't think that you are being selfish at all, just practical. To be able to look after someone else who is seriously ill, you have to be fit and healthy. Could they arrange for carers to come in? I would speak to thegp as well as the hospital.

Hope you feel better soon and are able to resolve the situation.

woodbon

Hi,
You'r not selfish, just being realistic and caring. Would your sister want to come home and have to worry about you? That might happen if you aren't well and she is having trouble coping.
Also, coming out of hospital is something we all want to do, but I remember comming home after major surgery, I'd been begging to come home, but when I got home, I felt frightened as although I had my husband at home for the fist week, I didn't have the medical back-up that hospital provides and that was scarry.
Can you have a word with the hospital and tell them how you feel? A bit longer and your sister may be a lot better and so might you and then its easier to cope. Love Sue. xxx

elnafinn

Dear May,

I am sorry but the nurses on the ward are taking advantage and it is not on. Because you have worked there, can do the drip and have taken your sis home before to look after her, they are now going a little too far in taking you for granted. You desperately need time for yourself and family otherwise you will go downhill and that is not a good idea at all.

To my way of thinking, they have a right cheek to suggest it so soon after your sis's admittance for the operation. Your sis may well eat better when with you but that is no excuse why she should return to yours so early.

You really must let them know that, ok you did it before but your health has deteriorated again since then and you at least need "x" number of days before you will even consider having your sis back home with you.

Am I being harsh, I do not think so and you must not feel that you are being selfish or anything like that, you are being sensible.

Love
Elna x

julie47

Oh dear may, please do not feel selfish, what a horrible position for the hospital to put you in. It is those who are the selfish ones ,and taking advantage of a lovely person, especially as they know your own situation.

I think you should tell the hospital how you feel at the moment, and explain how you are with your own health and for them to keep her a few more days/week would help you.

I am so sorry that you have this dilemma and send a hug (((((((()))))))

Love Juiepf x

kellerman

Morning all,
I've got over the shock of this....feel a bit positive.
I know nobody wants to stay in hospital any longer than they have to but if I wasn't here there is no way it would have been considered.
The drip she had last time wasn't too bad....but to be responsible for the drain is another matter.Also she is unable to use her right arm.....
Be sensible May....you can't open a packet with your right hand....
I just hope nobody has mentioned this to her....I would feel really guilty if so....as though I've let her down.
I've decided they need to keep her in....at least for a few more days.
As hospitals go the food is ok.Well I ate it.
Will ring now as change over should be done...and hope it hasn't been mentioned. May

elnafinn

Dear May

Pleased to see that you have arrived at your own conclusion on this with a little encouragement from us lot. x;) You can always take in food for your sis when visiting. I used to do that when visiting my mum.

I hope nothing has been said to your daughter too. That would be very wrong of the nursing staff if they have and it would need to be addressed.

I hope today goes as well as can be for you and all who are dear to you.

Love
Elna x

kellerman

Hi,
Well...managed to speak to some-one I know....we still go for coffee together.
Nothing has been said to my sister...as far as she knows.They are short of beds and staff...but she agreed thats not my problem.
She knows I'm struggling so will do all she can to at least keep her until Thursday/friday.
I am relieved..to say the least...just had a good cry.
So back to visiting this lunchtime....and yes I'll take something in for her to eat.
In all honesty I do think it is too early to send her out.I know she is getting excellent care...and if there were any problems she is in the right place.
Thanks for making me put my sensible head on. May

elnafinn

Good girl, May. You are doing very well with the hand you have been deal with at the moment(is that a pun?) and you have got your sensible hat on - you always do but sometimes need to seek reassurance, which we all do every now and again. Nothing wrong with a weep dear May. You are such a good mum, sis, everything to those that you love, but you cannot split yourself into bits. You can only do your best and that you are doing and succeeding although it probably does not seem like that to you a lot of the time.

Love
Elna x

valval

may i know it hard but it the right thing to do at least you have a couple of days to rest when you can val

hileena111

Hi May
Well you know my opinion on it.....and to want to send her out with the drain still in is riduclous x:-x
Hope you are getting a bit of rest while she is away and she is being well looked after I'm sure so just think of yourself for the minute.
Love
Hileena

dreamdaisy

I'm late to this, I apologise, but I fully agree with the others. Your kindness and skill is being taken for granted and if you were in good health yourself that's fine but . . . . . you're not. You need some battery re-charge time, some Mr & Mrs Kellerman time and yes, a break from the caring.

I realise that not eating often happens in hospitals due to the stress oif illness and treatment, and that coming out often aids that part of the recovery but as things stand at the moment (drain and all) surely she has to stay there. You are not being selfish, just realistic. ((())) DD

kellerman

Hi
Been visiting again. Freezing so now in nice warm living room while John is doing what is going to be a very late meal.
Sandals and cold do not go together...but I still can't get my right shoe on.
Sister is fine...think she prefers homecooked meals but she is eating though not a lot.
It's been 8 years since I dealt with any form of hospital work...although you don't forget.
I did come to my senses though...with a push and help from you good folk. It was just a shock that they were even considering letting her out.
Common sense prevailed....after all I'm not much good at the moment....1 swollen foot...I swollen painful hand....knees swollen and burning and back so sore. Think I could do with a bed in there.No I'll stay in my own.
Thanks everyone.....sometimes I just need some-one from the outside looking in to make me realise I would have been an idiot to agree. May

valval

we are built with a guilt geen(sorry about spelling) but you have to over rule it some times it would have done none of you any good val

theresa4

I know Im a bit late with this but Ill add my bit.
My mum has mental health issues and for years I cared for her as best I could. This caused a real stress on our relationship as she wanted to switch roles and me be her mother. ( irealise this isnt quite the same as you so bear with me) After 15 years of caring I argued with the hopsital staff and pointed out to them that not only was my mother never getting the coreect care they were also causing me stress and health problems by using me to do their job. Thgis ended up being part of a massive NHS review due to an incident and I put across that hospitals are all too often putting on family members who are often ill equipt either physically, mentally or emotionally which can lead to other memers needing hopsital care themselves or for family relations to break down.
So NO you are not being selfish, it doesnt matter what work you did or even if you were still doing it, they wouldnt send someone home with other relatives that were not medically trained so why put the onus on you. Dont allow yourself to feel one bit bad for saying no, its unfair of the ward to put that pressure on you.

Good luck

Theresa x