Have a Health & Safety, Politically Correct, Christmas

stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 26,700
edited 23. Dec 2011, 06:59 in Community Chit-chat archive
All persons planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public.

This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.

The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Integrity and Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered.

This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: Someone's been busy! I hope those personages bearing the user-friendly-non-allergenic-non-controversial gifts also have their high viz jackets and are wearing hard hats. DD
  • tonesp
    tonesp Member Posts: 844
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Ho Ho Ho Living here that doesn't apply to us We can cheerfully incinerate,inebriate and incapacitate ourselves at will Y Viva Espana :evil :evil :evil
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear children
    There will be no presents this year.................. x:cry:

    Father Christmas has a delivery problem,although his sleigh has been modified to meet new EU safety standards and emission regulations,his reindeer have been grounded.There are concerns that flying through the air will not meet animal welfare standards and passing from country to country will infringe quarantine regulations.Further the reindeer will be classed as live animal exports and to meet regulations would have to be first slaughtered before travelling (Father Christmas and Rudolph have rejected this and have appealed to the newly set-up European Commission for Animal Rights.They hope to hear the appeal sometime in 2017,as soon as they can recruit the staff,build new offices and sort out their expenses)............... :roll:

    Unfortunately even if all these hurdles were overcome,the sleigh would still be grounded because to come to you children it would have to first pass through French air space,and the French traffic controllers are on strike,the tunnel is shut due to snow and the ports have been blockaded.

    Happy Christmas children.................. x:-)
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: Smashing! Thank you for the much-needed giggle. DD

Who's Online

16
AnnR
AnnR
janey4
janey4
LouisaGunnee
LouisaGunnee
N1gel
N1gel
Rubikscubeboy
Rubikscubeboy
+11 Guests