Advice for men at Christmas

joanlawson

This was sent to me by a friend, and I thought I would post it on here as it's good advice for men on how to avoid any arguments this Christmas.

(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell...

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Make sure that all the men you know read this to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Make sure that all the women you know read this to give them a good laugh, because they know it's true x x

Joan

prefabkid47

It's no wonder we can't understand wimmen....................... x:-? x:-?

joanlawson

We just like to keep you guessing. It makes life more interesting x x

Airwave!

What men really mean:--

I'll do it in the morning--Hahahahaha, I didn't say which morning!

Of course dear--In your dreams!

No--Might think about it!

Yes dear--can't get out of this and I want a quite life!

I think you're beautiful--sex????

I love you--sex, ......now??

Lets go to bed-- SEX, NOW!!!!

I'm sure others will help out here. x:-P x:-P x:-P x:-P x:-P x:-P

Happy Christmas all.

joanlawson

What men really mean, Part 2

1. "Fine" - I'm not listening

2. "Really?" - I'm still not listening

3. "We've had this argument before" - I remember not listening last time

4. "I prefer the red one" - I can't tell the difference between any of your frocks

5. "All right, wear the blue one" - I don't know why you asked me in the first place

6. "Soon, I promise" - Never, whatever it is

7. "She's not THAT pretty" - I really, really fancy her

8. "Can't we just stay in" - I hate your friends

9. "OK then" - You're wrong, but I am withdrawing from the fight in an attitude of wounded martyrdom

Joan

Airwave!

Aaahhhhhhhh, you know us so well! You missed out one or two more.

I'm gonna cut the grass then the hedge.--I'm keeping outa the way!

I might go shopping.--Then again I might not.

I'm going for a ride.--To the pub.

No, not enough money this month.--I'm trying to save it for a new toy.

Would you like a drink?--For heavens sake say yes then I can have a pint.

Lets stop for lunch.--I wanna pint.