Why bother to ask

petals

Why do people bother to ask how you are. They ask 'how are you' and you reply 'fine thanks' and generally thats the end of it.

Occasionally when you are feeling particularly bad you might start with 'well seen as you asked, i'm not too well today' at which point they suddenly remember they have something very important to do and they hurry away to do it.

I know that arthritis is not the most riveting subject in the world but for goodness sake, if you don't want to know then dont ask.

Sorry guys, not having a good day,

Petals

bubbles

Hi Petals,
I know where you are coming from, a few people that I have not seen for a long long time have said the most strange things
"What's with the crutches"? was one question
"what are you doing in a buggy"? was another
"oh dear, been in the wars"? The last one did it and I told them good and proper. No, I have not been in the wars, I am falling to bits, literally, anyway, how are you? They were strangely quiet for a while.

Most of the time it is for something to say and means nothing, people don't want to know how you are, apart from family and friends, they are more interested in their own woes and want you to ask how they are, so they can ramble on about something and nothing. Oh dear, I am ranting now. Best be quiet. xx Bubbles

petals wrote:

Why do people bother to ask how you are. They ask 'how are you' and you reply 'fine thanks' and generally thats the end of it.

Occasionally when you are feeling particularly bad you might start with 'well seen as you asked, i'm not too well today' at which point they suddenly remember they have something very important to do and they hurry away to do it.

I know that arthritis is not the most riveting subject in the world but for goodness sake, if you don't want to know then dont ask.

Sorry guys, not having a good day,

Petals

Terry01

I am in a very early stage, alot of me hurts right now.

Nobody knows yet. except my wife.

Because its not immedietly visible..or something really bad..no one can see..and view you as they did before.

Follow the diagnosis..as I will.
Let the appropiate people know what is happening and forget the rest.

Those that are close to you will help.

Terry

valval

if you look in peoples eyes you can see the pain but how many people bother as bubbles said they just want you to ask them so they can moan. it the we all get aches and pains that sets me off but tell the truth have not told many people how bad it is only work 4 hours and can usually manage that with out letting any one know how bad it is where i see others who make a mountain out of a mole hill always asking for sympathy depends on how you like to live your life i suppose being quite a private person i do not like others knowing my business val

annalou

I think some people dont know how to handle the arthritis thing because they don't fully understand what it's all about. I wanted to share with my oldest friend at the weekend, who I rarely see nowadays due to the fact that I have kids and she doesnt (different subject lol), that I'm waiting for a diagnosis on which type of inflammatory arthritis I have and she just looked at me blankly and changed the subject and didn't mention it again, weird! And I thought she cared, she's the first person apart from hubby and mum & dad who I've told and after that reaction, I'll not be telling anyone else!! I am a private person and it took a lot to open up to her. That's why this forum is so good. (((Hugs))) Petals.

xx Annalou

jillyb1

My particular bug bear has always been the response , " oh , rheumatoid arthritis ; I had that but it's better now . " As Valval said , the people who know and care about you will see it in your eyes and don't need to ask or be told . Jillyb

dreamdaisy

It's a routine question that is part of social 'oiling'. When asked I say that I'm fine as I know the questioner lacks true interest, they are being well-mannered. Those who know me better (ie are close friends) don't ask now because they know I won't tell them anyway - arthritis is a boring topic for those who don't have it, as I have told them! DD

stickywicket

We all ask how others are when we meet but how many of us really listen to the answer? I don't expect casual acquaintences or neighbours to be enthralled by details of my latest visit to rheumatology and I'd much rather not be hanging around painfully in the street talking about it.

Real friends are a different kettle of fish. They come to your house and muck in with tea/coffee making/washing up and genuinely want to know so I tell them but very briefly and without dwelling on the really bad bits. It's mutual as they, too, are going to have rubbish stuff going on in their lives of one sort or another so it gives them the opportunity to offload too.

If I'm in real pain and needing to talk about it there are a select bunch I know I can rely on anytime.

lorica

Hi
I had a so called friend who i saw regularly, and he would always ask me "how are you?" I would reply with things like im in pain today, or not slept well things like that. He would cut me off mid way through what i was saying and he would reply "I dont actually care!". I no longer speak to him and I avoid him at all cost, but its hard when he is a minister in my religion. So I just dont attend now....

kellerman

I always find it odd when you are at the docs and some-one asks you how you are.
You say fine yet would you be there if you were?
I've even had the receptionist ask me.
I think its just something to say and they are not really interested.
Saying your fine is as good as anything....going into details is for me a no no.
If these people were my real friends they would know.

May