Hugh's Three Hungry Boys

dreamdaisy

We decided to watch to this whilst eating our din-dins, thinking it might be OK. It isn't. As Mr DD has just remarked (on leaving to do the washing up) 'You wouldn't get tired of punching them, would you?' Nope.

The best meals I have ever eaten were at the River Cottage Canteen and I will go back for more soon, but I think this is one RC thing too far. DD

tjt6768

Yet another offering from hugh fluffyhead washing machine in his attempt for global domination... This latest being his most tenuous of links to the brand...
'I've had a video from three posh mummy's boys who say they are wonderful chaps. I'm setting then the challenge of travelling from ben nevis to stoke on trent with nothing but their posh accents, jumpers knitted from goat pubes, ifones so they can call mummy when it gets dark and a dead badger.. I will of course be lending them my trusty shopping trolley martha, powered only on flatulence and reconstituted soya beans. There mission will be to actually experience that strange thing called work, they might even have to speak to common people :shock: They will live only on what mummy will buy them on her gold plated credit card.. Let mother earth be proud..'

Yuck!!
More posh drivel...

mellman01

I don't care how ard and northern you are me laddy don't dis Mr Hugh Fernlywhittlestick he's a top chap wot wot!.

Hey DD did you really go to to the river cottage kitchen for tiffin??

tjt6768

Day one.. The three hungry mummy's boys set off in their chariot Martha.
Tarquin takes the wheel first. (not really a wheel, just some braided hair from an old commune tied to the front wheels)...
'Come on chaps, lets head off.....'

'I'm scared though Tarquin, what if we have to meet people who live in terraces ' said poor Jeremy...

'Don't be silly Jeremy, hugh would never put us at risk like that' laughed Montegue..

Monte still had a lisp due to the fact that he'd never released the silver spoon from his mouth..

..........

To be continued.....

...........

tjt6768

Watch it Mell ya soft southerner. Or I'll set r Kes onto ya. Lol

tjt6768

Oooh, DD, Mr DD is spot on too.
I would quite happily spend my days hitting the posh ninnies repeatedly, even with arthritic and painful hands. I would somehow smile through the pain.. Lol

dreamdaisy

Tony! Can't type for laughing and can't see for the tears of laughter! Ye gods man, I think I love you (but don't tell anyone).

Yes mell, we did and it was the BEST food I have ever tasted. We had two evening meals and one lunch and the only 'failure' was the beetroot and chocolate brownie (oh - and Mr DD didn't like the nettle beer). I kissed both the chefs as we left after our last meal there - some sort of appreciation had to be shown and that was the best I could safely come up with in public. DD

tjt6768

Day two of our toffs adventure..
Hugh actually bothers to appear on the programme, with the intention of plugging yet another ridiculous product..
Hugh Jfartbags..
Seeing as the boys transport relies on erm, methane hugh had been busy filing dolphin friendly bin lingers with his own trumps..
So again he is on our telly. His mug with the quality of a badly mashed carrot but somehow he's a hit with middle aged wimmin with bad eyesight and homosexual gentry, not that there is any other kind :shock:

The RC products are now everywhere.. :roll:

So, the three namby pambies have made it a whole three and a half miles from thier set off point, stating that tarquin had suffered a major injury.. One of his spivvy fringe hairs was missing
Hugh handed them the fart bags he had worked so hard to collect and have them some kind words, then told them to be on their way, he would seek out the fringe hair himself, he'd been in touch with a holistic spiritualist guru, and after much persuading had arranged for them to help him find the hair using it's chee,a photo of said fringe and some cider made from goat spit.. In exchange, high would have to wonder around naked with a holly bush for a crown. Yawning at the sun.

In the meantime those boys were well on their way. They had arranged to visit a local commune, and in return for picking the headlice from the scabby dreadlocked mingers they would receive some sprigs from the forest floor, a half eaten cake made from regurgitated cat's milk and eco friendly garibaldi biscuits.

Jeremy had been a true stoic, having only called his mummy once the night before he was awarded the ponce of the day award. With it he would be king of the poo pit for that day, and have first dibs on the wooden spoon they used for erm, wiping.
It was a great honour, and he yearned to win it again.

More later..

dreamdaisy

Somewhere along the line, mate, you missed a career in comedy writing. I cannot shake the vision of a naked Hugh, with a crown of holly, yawning at the sun. You daft 'aaporth! Oh, where is Rehab when a girl needs him? And Mrs Lawson and valval? They have the wit to join in - I, alas, do not, but I sincerely hope you can come up with more soon! (Surely Monty's silver spoon has to feature somewhere? ) DD

tjt6768

Hi DD..
Thanks hun. This dribble just flows naturally.. Lol

I'm just getting ready to meet up with the irish crew downstairs in the hotel..
Then we shall hopefully make it up that hill.
Maybe hugh fluffybob wittlestickle will be up there prancing around in his crown. Although he may have to wait a while to yawn at the sun, tis rather absent right now.

Back later with more inane ramblings of our intrepid middle class gits.

tjt6768

So, back with the toffee nosed gits..
Today they have been to a craft fare. Hugh flipflop widdlepants set them the task of making their own jam to sell. The only ingredients they could use were roadkill and mouse droppings. An easy task you may think for three boys with faces only their mothers could resist punching.. Not so.. The nearest any of them had come to making jam was when their dear friends Lord and Lady swiftcoverdotcon used to bathe them all in marmalade in the annual rich boys in preserves festival.. A very secretive festival that no mere commoner had even heard of till I made it up just now :?

Jeremy was given the horrific task of running over a fox with the trolley named martha.. With an average speed of sweet f.a not such an easy thing... So, as all middle class spoilt brats do, he rang mammarrr....
'Mumsey... Oh mumsey, I really need ones help, I'm in a terrible fix with a fox.. Could you please have the staff murder one in unspeakable fashion and get them to bring it to me? Make sure that you spray paint trolley wheel tracks over it so the boys don't think I've failed. I'll be teased terribly if they find out. And tarquin can be cruel when he's in one of his moods..'

Later on the dead fox was delivered as requested, tyre marks included.

In the meantime, tarquin was busy working on getting the mouse droppings. He had no such trouble. In his younger days he was brought up by a family of well to do mice trainers. He could whistle a tune and a mouse would appear then poop on command..

tjt6768

Meanwhile, Monte sat back, biding his time...... He knew that silver spoon would come in handy at some point.........
He had called it farooq.. They had spent many years in a bitter dispute over who had rights over the lower lip. These days they had come to a mutual agreement... Their fued was long over with and they were pals once more. Farooq longed for release though, he dreamed of belonging to a full cutlery set. He did not share his desire though for fear of upsetting monte.. Monte was an emotional toff, forever crying over spilt milk, he never did get the hang of using the jug :shock: :roll: He once cried for thirty days solid, pausing only to remember how rich he was and marvel at his wonderful hair. It was made from Egyptian silk, woven by nubile virgins sworn to silence... One of them, sonogram, was born half philipino half brazillian wax.
On her twenty first birthday all she wanted was to become a quiet virginal weaver of silken hair.

joanlawson

I say.......Golly Gosh old bean, this is a frightfully spiffing story..........

Super top-notch, don't ya know.

Jolly good show..........Can't wait to read more........

Toodle pip and Tally ho for now

Joan

prefabkid47

Yus old chap - absoluuuuuutely suuuuuper what ho!
Jolly hockeysticks and all that
Ron
(now mansionkid47)