Apologies for my lenghty introduction...

Puschinka
Puschinka Member Posts: 176
edited 24. Feb 2012, 17:54 in Say Hello Archive
Feel like half the woman I used to be…
Hi everyone,I’m new here and glad to have found this place.Briefly, my story:When the creaking and pains in my knees first started a few years ago, it came as no big surprise to me, as my Mum started with OA in both knees when she was my age (53) and eventually had both replaced when she was 64. All my life I’ve been very sporty and active and enjoying aerobics,jogging,cycling,yoga, hoping I would be able to ward off my Mum’s fate by keeping fit. 12 weeks ago after work-related training ( the bleeptest being the main culprit ) my right knee suddenly just sort of crumbled beneath me,the whole joint feeling very wobbly and walking,getting up/sitting down, stairs,getting in and out off the car,standing still even,all became more and more painful. An Xray showed ‘wear and tear’and the consultant said yes, very possibly I’ve inherited my Mum’s OA. I pinned all my hopes on the Arthroscopy, which I had done 10 days ago.It was hoped that apart from getting a better picture and diagnosis,they would be able to do some repair work at the same time,if anything was found that could be fixed. But no such luck. All I know is that they had a good look inside my knee and found ‘significant changes’, but nothing was fixed.I see my consultant tomorrow for the post OP checkup and to find out the result of the arthroscopy.
I have been on sick since just before Christmas,my job requires me to be physically fit ( I am a detention officer) I can’t walk without limping and need a crutch outside and with every painful step it feels like my knee will collapse and after more than 50 yards I’m done in. I can’t stand still in one spot for more than 5 minutes, sitting for more than 10 minutes means I struggle to get up again.My right hip starts to hurt now too, when I’ve walked a few paces or do the stairs, and it makes horrid clicking noises ( but had 2 Xrays of hip and they showed nothing wrong there) my ‘good’ knee has deteriorated too and feels unstable and painful sometimes. And the weirdest thing of all – some of my fingers/knuckles get very stiff with shooting pains in them in the evenings and at night mostly (but had bloodtests done and they all came back normal).
I feel as though in less than 3 months I’ve gone from being quite fit with just the odd pain in my knees, to being in discomfort all of the time,quite a bit of pain a lot of the time, especially evenings and nights, in agony when walking at snails pace more than 50 yards with a crutch and getting by on 4 hours sleep most nights, consequently feeling drained and tired during the day and 30 years older than I am!
I’ve no idea what the future holds for me jobwise, re-deployment to some admin job no doubt,(as luckily I work for the police and they can’t just get rid of me) ,I’ve given up trying to explain to my kids what this is like for me, not just the pain but how this lack of mobility has affected me in all sorts of ways ..not just physically.I think they don’t believe Mum could be that bad….and I’m tired of explaining it and boring them with the details, (they don’t seem to grasp the concept of Arthritis at all) and anyway- Mum’s always been so fit and active, always helping out in her sparetime with babysitting duties etc My boyfriend is very supportive and helpful most of the time but even he doesn’t really understand sometimes ( we don’t’ live together so most of the time I’m on my own in my ‘misery’) and yes, I hate myself for being like this and hate even more that I feel sorry for myself sometimes… so many of you are sooo much worse of than me, so I must be a real wimp…but I am in pain a lot,depressed,tired,disappointed,scared,angry…basically very negative at the moment and hope so much that I find out from the consultant tomorrow, what’s going on and what can be done.
And I haven’t mentioned that my work colleagues are all stearing clear, only one has made contact, so much for ‘teamwork’ and yet I always thought we were a team. Maybe they think I’m having a ball while their workload has increased. I don’t know…
Oh dear – I never meant to go on so, very sorry for lengthy post but it did feel good to vent and have a good moan. I promise to keep posts shorter in future! Best wishes to you all. xx
Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Puschinka, you poor, poor girl you are going through a rough patch at the moment, aren't you? I am fifteen years into my arthritis battle and also going through a similar phase so you, my lovely, are not on your own. I have been on two crutches since 2002 and have now graduated to a four-wheeled rollator (complete with luxury seat!) so I can truly empathise with the mobility problems. As for work, well, there is a Working Matters forum on here and given that our grateful goverment are you employers (am I right in that?) then surely the - ummmmmmmm - something Disabilities Act should be activated (I'm self employed, my boss is just great!) I think I am right in saying that there are adjustments etc that employers are legally obliged to make but whether they do is another matter. The Government may want more disabled people to work but, believe you me, employers are not that keen.

    As for the family, well, people don't understand and I take the approach of how can they? They associate trips to the GPs and taking meds with 'cure' but arthritis don't come under that umbrella for most of us. Neither do they grasp the nature of the extreme weariness that is a feature of all arthritis - even a good night's sleep (whatever that is) can leave one still feeling drained, lacklustre and STILL in bloody pain. Grrrr. You have found the right place, I see from your join date it's taken you a little while to post but I hope that you have been looking around the forum and getting to 'know' some of us regular posters. Talk to us on LWA (Living with Arthritis) as more people look in on there, and you will get more replies, I promise. I wish you well. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Puschinka
    Puschinka Member Posts: 176
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you Dreamdaisy for your reply and kind words.(Yes,you're right about my employer,btw) I have read a lot of the posts and wasn't sure wether to post myself or what to say, but am glad I did now. This seems to be a very friendly and supportive community and I am very glad I joined. I hope you yourself feel better soon.
    Spring is just around the corner - already the birds are singing earlier and louder! Lovely.
    Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
  • JuliaHod12
    JuliaHod12 Member Posts: 456
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Puschinka, and welcome.

    Oh your introduction echoes so many things that are similar to my situation!
    It does seem really unfair and horrid bad luck to have lived a healthy and active lifestyle thus far only to inherit the afflicting "arthur" :-(
    I've had 3 arthroscopies in the same knee within 20 months......the first 2 by the same surgeon and the last by a lovely gentleman I'd trust anywhere with my legs! ;-)
    The arthritis was finally found and is currently as bad as it can get I am told.........but am battling with excercise and weight loss to avoid surgery in the short term (mainly due to racking up sick leave from work!)

    At 52 dear old NHS wont touch me for at least another 8 years no matter how bad I get, so I thank the lord for work funded BUPA!

    Thanks to the great support I have had on here, I am battling back with a positive fighting attitude and not going down on "arthur's" terms!

    good luck with the results

    ttfn
    Julia
  • Puschinka
    Puschinka Member Posts: 176
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Julia,thanks for your reply,yes I'm finding there's soo much support and friendly and really useful info and advice here from people who understand.It took just the one arthroscopy in my case for them to give me the dreaded diagnosis of OA yesterday,but it's the result I was prepared for anyway.And I just know that I've got it in my other knee too, but not as bad yet. I am trying to stay positive and my GP has been very supportive too. Gave me another months' sicknote yesterday and assured me that when I go back to work (hopefully very soon, but need to be able to walk a bit better first and sleep better at night) I will get the necessary support from him and the orthopaedic dept. to confirm with my employer that I need a deskjob and my old job is no longer an option for me. For now its not too difficult to ignore the odd niggling pains in my fingers and I am hopeful that physio (first appntmt tomorrow) will help with my walking. Unfortunatelly I have a bit of a phobia of painkillers, hate taking them,always have. They upset my stomach in various unpleasant ways... and at night tend to give me more bad dreams than actually help me sleep. At least for now I can still catch up on sleep here and there during they day. Warm wishes to you and again, thanks for your
    reply.
    Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,659
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Puschinka

    lovely to meet you, but what a distressing tale you have to tell us :(

    It does seem to have all fallen apart for you in a very short space of time and is not at all what any of us would have planned :?

    I do hope you will stay on here and we can support you (and you us!) while we muddle through this illness.

    Please do come on in and have a look around some of the other forums...l woudl think (if you haven't already peeked) the working matters might be very relevant to you atm. Lots of expereinces there to read.

    Love

    Toni xxx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • Puschinka
    Puschinka Member Posts: 176
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Toni, I have indeed read many posts and have gained a lot of important knowledge in the working matters forum. So far it looks as though my employer will be supportive and helpful,but it's early days and after the weekend I intend to post a few questions regarding work matters and also have some other questions now, following my first physio yesterday and am sure lots of you will have past experience,tips and helpful advice there for me. Hope so, anyway.
    At the moment I am still trying to get my head round it all and get my brain to accept the fact that my life's gonna change a bit ,that lots of things I took for granted before may not be a part of my life any more and that I've lost a certain degree of independence ( and who doesnt hate that?!)
    Its also quite frustrating sometimes that all my nearest and dearest simply don't seem to get how this has affected me. Sometimes I get the distinct feeling that they think arthritis is nothing more than a bit of creaking of the joints and the odd discomfort or mild pain.
    Funny - tell anybody you've got bad toothache and they automatically pull a face, say "ouch...you poor thing, I know what that's like, I hate toothache..."
    Tell them you've got arthritis and often you just get a blank look.
    Do some people think it's merely like having a bad hairday???
    And anyway - toothache is usually cured with a filling or an extraction.
    It doesnt just not go away, does it.
    Sorry had to have a moan. Been a bad day and longing for a decent nights' sleep. Thanks again Toni.
    Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.