Losing independence

PollySid Member Posts: 343
edited 3. Mar 2012, 06:51 in Living with Arthritis archive
I have never had trouble with driving until last week. I was going to the Post Office as usual. When I backed out of the drive it seemed more difficult than usual, and then around the second T junction I realised I could not go any further as I didn't feel safe - couldn't move without pain or turn to see if traffic was coming. I turned round and went back home (about 400 yards) and asked hubby to take me.
That was a shock, I can tell you! I managed to do the drive to the post office yesterday, so hopefully it will not be too regular a problem.

Then to add insult to injury, I had to shout him to help me out of the bath. I have always managed to turn myself over onto my hands and knees and get up that way, but this time I couldn't even do that. Thank goodness I hadn't had a bath when he wasn't there. I usually have showers, but just fancied a bath.

I feel that I am gradually losing myself. I am not working now, cannot do everything I want to in the garden, will not be able to help with the decorating (I was the wallpaperer), can only walk short distances without support, and the list goes on.

It is unbelievable that last year I was working a full 8 hour day, driving 20 miles there and 20 back, walking without a stick, and digging etc in the garden.

Hopefully they were just bad days and they won't come along very often :wink:


  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    first is a ((())). second you will get good and bad days as you know and i am sure this is just a bad one. try to focus on the good things that are there at the moment and what you can do and what you now have time for.
    i know how frustrating life can be but you will get through and you will find plenty to be positive about i know you will miss what you have lost, it is so normal but you sound a strong person who will cope val
  • CJHunter
    CJHunter Member Posts: 1,038
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hiya, You are def in the right place to mention this. I too have had some, ugh moments recently. The realisation that this thing called arthur is wiv me in whatever guise it wants. i have had an OT visit and made some adaptions, a bath rail and rail near the loo. For me i wanted to go slow and easy it has been easier coming to terms with my limitations.
    What I want to say is that although things are changing there are also ways we can help ourselves through this and make it easier for ourselves.

    I have had some fab advice about coming to terms with things, just take each day as it comes and if u can do do and if not there is always summat u can do.

    Take care x
    Clare xxeyeore-1.jpg
  • muffy
    muffy Member Posts: 72
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know what you mean about giving in and asking for help, I had to give up driving some time ago, I knew it was getting dangerous and when I had a near miss of knocking someone down I called it a day, sold the car and invested in a Mobility Scooter, it has been my lifeline. If you contact your local Council and speak to the OT they can do a home visit and suggest what aids would be a help to you in the home, most of them are free and the OT arranges for the work to be done. They can get you a bath adaptation which will eanable you to have a bath without the worry of getting stuck. The OT arranged for my bathroom to be altered into a walk in shower with grab rails and fold down seat, it is even big enough to take a wheelchair if the need arises. I know it's hard accepting defeat but sooner or later we have to ask for help so why not make life a bit easier and contact them now.
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Polly, I know the feeling, I can't drive so have to ask my OH to take me somewhere or now I wait until he ask's me if I want anything or would like to go somewhere because I hate asking him if he could take me somewhere! Or if I have to go to my G.P I take a taxi and hospital I have to rely on Hospital transport. My OH does the cooking & shopping (food) and I employ a cleaner to clean the house for me. My OH helps me do pretty much everything else like helps dry me after a shower and dry my hair because since my hands have started hurting it hurts to hold a hair dryer to long. All this and I'm 38yrs old! Nearly 39! It feels so wrong! But on a positive for Polly I've learned new hobbies and made lots of new friends on this site!
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Polly
    I am so sorry to read your post, it is so hard to give up the things you love doing..I was the gardener here....I did think I would have to give it up...but I al thinking of making it all easier for myself...more gravel and grass...and some raised beds...they would have to be quite high... :o
    Back to you..I am hoping its just a blip..and bit by bit things will gets easier for you, and dont forget we are always here for you to talk to xx
  • Misscreant
    Misscreant Member Posts: 32
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Polly

    I too know how you feel, like Muffy I handed in my driving licence a while ago, when I though I was getting dangerous. My partner is brilliant, he has athritis in his hips but can still drive. I hate the fact that I have to rely on him.

    We purchased out house just over a year ago. One of the main things that attracted us to it was the fact that it had a large garden. I love gardening. The garden is on a slope and I can no longer kneel. I went out into it the other day when it was decidedly spring like. I looked around and almost burst into tears when I realised that I would not be able to cope with it all.

    Myy partner is also my carer and has to help me into our bath so that I can shower, we have a contraption from the council that helps whilst we wait for the council to sort out a walk in shower for us.

    I feel like I am having to re-invent myself and get angry and frustrated by my limitations. Arggggh is usually the order of the day. :x
    Well, either that or 'oh bollixy bugger bollocks'. :wink:
    I am not a complete idiot, some parts of me are missing!
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Polly
    I understand how you feel......it would be awful to have to give up driving as I'm no where near anything......The battery of my scooter would just about get me to the village and back and there's not much there anyway. :(
    It could be just a blip....a bad day...look at it like that, leave the driving for a few days and then try again,.....somewhere safe. A bit like i had to do after having my THR and not driving for 7 weeks.
    As for gardening and decorating .....I'm lucky in that respect.....not bothered about either of them :wink:
    My hubby has to do the vac. and things like that because I cant.
    I do use my scooter and I have a rollator that I use as well because I am unsteady.
    Look at it as a bad day and wait and see what happens
    Sorry thats not a lot of help really
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,608
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You are not 'losing yourself', PollySid: you are just changing a bit.

    I still remember the terror I felt the day I was making the wide, left turn onto a rush hour ring road, when I realised I couldn't turn my neck far enough to the right to see anything but the immediate car/gap and then couldn't turn it back quickly enough to check that the traffic ahead was still moving. It was hit and hope and I never did that junction again.

    We do have to give stuff up which is why I feel it's important to keep taking new stuff on, stuff that we can do. It opens up new perspectives, and keeping a flexible mind makes up for some of the inflexibilities of the body.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright