If you’d never had arthritis…..

stickywicket

…..realistically and honestly where do you think you’d be now? How do you think your life would have been different?

I ask because I’ve just realised that, after 50 years of this, I’m not sure mine would have been any better without it, ignoring the pain factor. I’ve done most of what I wanted to do and I’ve learnt some very important lessons I’d have managed to avoid learning without it.

Without RA I might still be playing the piano non too well, or other instruments equally badly, hiking, enjoying parties much more than I do (No loo access; no alcohol), driving instead of being driven. I’d almost certainly have gone back to work once my boys were both at school. This would have left me much better off financially but poorer in terms of the great opportunities I had with voluntary work and the lovely, idealistic, caring people it was my privilege to work with, some of whom became my dearest friends.

I know I’ve been very lucky to have a good husband and family, healthy kids and a roof over my head.

I think I’m more resilient than I would have been without RA and, all in all, it’s been OK

tjt6768

Hi Sticky. Good thread..
I always wanted to join the marines when I was younger and before this crap happened.. So goodness knows..
I know that I probably wouldn't have met my lovely wife and I wouldn't have our gorgeous daughter.. I wouldn't have met the lovely folks on here either..
Like you though, I miss walking dearly, and having a good boogie at parties, nights out etc..
Oh, and I wouldn't be sat here in out patients at dewsbury waiting for what I assume will be a discharge note from them after the old sigmoidoscopy not too long ago.

georgie66

like many here i am one of the lucky ones having a good hubby and sons and grand children..
i have done what i wanted to do in life and meet some lovely people as i continue to do so on this forum..
i try not to moan to much when a flare up happens as i do know i am one of the lucky ones.

tanith

I would of been able to continue in the career that I loved and would of moved into management bumping up my pension in the latter years. Instead I had to take ill-health retirement on a lesser pension . I would of been able to go on walking holidays that I'd planned for my retirement and my darling OH wouldn't have to put up with the moaning and whinging wife he now has...

Apart from that I'm happily retired and enjoying life..

lorraines

I would be still doing my dream job as cabin crew which I only did for couple of years when arthur kicked in, and not have to be so dependent on Hubby who never complains.
Lorraine x

phoenixoxo

Hi people,

Hmm… is it weird that I've never asked myself this question? I find it quite difficult to answer because I have trouble imagining the person I'd be without arthritis. I remember being hit quite badly when I was diagnosed (aged 12), but after a long cry and an even longer diary entry I resolved not to be beaten by it. And that inner strength has guided my path through life.

Perhaps a crossroads moment came in my mid-20s. Up to then I hadn't really felt I'd missed out on anything, but the pain associated with hip damage meant I had to leave my job. I'd been a legal secretary for about three years, but during this time I'd been going to interviews in London trying to get into publishing. That was one dream I had to give up, but it was okay as I got into freelance editing pretty quickly thanks to all the work experience I'd built up during uni holidays. And the partying had to go, but it had become so painful that it was a relief to stay in! I lost a few friends, but the good 'uns stuck with me. Perhaps by now I'd be a social whirlwind in the capital city, but because I'm happy with my life I've no regrets about this.

Thanks for the thread, s/w! (and sorry for lengthy reply!)
Phoebe

sugarbuttie

What a great post!

I am clinging desperately to my life as it is as I am only 2 years in. I think I would be a lot more ambitious at work had I not got this to deal with. My kids are now both at school & my plan was to be full time (& earning more money!) when this happened. Instead, I am clinging to part time and trying my best! I just feel I have so much to give...(I work in the homelessness field)......but I can't

jillyb1

Hard to imagine as this has been my lot since I was 20 , although officially diagnosed at 25 . In spite of all that I'm happy and very , very lucky with a fantastic hubby , kids and kids in law . Guess the main difference is that I would still be playing tennis and running rather than watching others from my wheelchair ! I would also have had some grandchildren by now ; our 3 children decided against having any kids as the RA is of a hereditary nature and they hope to call a halt to it in this family ! Jillyb

Colin1

I had just started my own country and western buis with a central shop i had purpose built (Life Savings) and a chain of market stalls throughout the north west 12 months in RA abnd PA struck, 18 months in heart attack got over that but the arthritis got worse ended up in wheel chair spent a couple of years in and out of hospital more in than out trying to stabalise my condition and the after effects of the drugs. Ienjoyed doing what i done and i have no regrets other than the money i lost. it was a good time in my life with the wife and kids becoming involved so it was great for the family to. We done quite well and i was able to look after other members of the family, MUM DAD NAN so it was really good. I cant moan about things and i'm probably quite happy with my lot. Great wife great kids what more could i ask for.
Colin

hileena111

Hi
Well i was in my late 50's when it kicked in. If it hadn't i would still be doing social research, I would still be an Avon Team Leader....as it is I can only keep my Avon round going with the help of my hubby.
I miss walking {not hiking :shock: just long walks} As it is i can walk at the most 10 mins one way and 10 mins back.
I consider I'm very lucky.....I'm 66 in a month and most people are retired anyway I have a lovely supportive husband and family.
I have my own car so can still drive, I have a rollator {the charriot} that I can put in the back of the car and take it with me and use it. I also have a scooter which I cant take to pieces and even if i could it wouldnt fit into my little car, but my hubby takes me places eg Newcastle/Metro Centre and leaves me there with the scooter and picks me up when I'm ready or when he has finished doing whatever it is he is doing.
So thats me

Love
Hileena

Stayfocused

Wow good question!
I've often thought of this as i'm 7 years in with my arthritis and I still feel I've been robbed of my life! Don't get me wrong I'm not sat in the corner feeling sorry for myself (well sometimes I do, on my bad days) I make the most of my life and I make myself do things I know I probably shouldn't be doing. But if I didn't have arthritis I could still have my active life I loved cycling, fell walking, running and climbing. I also wonder, if I didn't have arthritis, if I'd still be with my husband???
My diagnosis took 6 months to reach, although I knew something was really wrong, my GP believed everything I said but when my results came back normal and a specialist said there was nothing wrong my GP fought for another opinion and gave me appropriate medication. However during this time I became very depressed, constantly tired, in pain and off work. My husband didn't understand - AT ALL - he didn't grasp why I was so tired constantly. He'd come home from working all day and want to go out, with my frame of mind and tiredness I just didn't want to go anywhere especially if it was rainy and cold. Our marriage broke down in 2009 as he confided in another woman :-(

However, as much as I wish this wasn't so, it is and I've dealt with it-eventually with a few rocky bumps along the way. I've got through this patch in my life and I'm know divorced. The stress from all that made me focus my energy into work and I've been promoted through two big steps since this event. I'm still working-barely, due to pain-and I'll be dammed if I have to let my job go as it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

I live alone, I have a really supportive family and thanks to them and their support and this forum I will get through this. Believe it or not I am a positive person, I just think the divorce has blown me off course somewhat!!

G8 question.

xxx

barbara12

Hi SW
What a brilliant thread
I was sat down the other day feeling sorry for myself when I thought I would look at all the positives
If I hadnt got Arthur I would be a personal trainer now at the gym I went to, but like you say I might have been rubbish at it, the one big thing I do miss is walking for miles come rain snow or whatever.
But I have started painting not very good but I love it, and without athur I might never have got round to it.
And I appreciate my Hubby more, he really has come into his own ,and my lovely GDs who like to help...well sometimes..
I do have a good life

pinkbritishstars

Hi Sticky

If I hadn't had arthritis I would never have met you lovely people :-)

My life would have been different as I wouldn't have had all this pain.

Hope everyone has a good day and has reduced levels of pain today.

:-) xx

julie47

If arthritis hadn't have struck after having my daughter I would have had atleast two more children. I would be working in an office, I loved my office job and the people I worked with.
I would go cycling with my oh (but not on his tuesday night extreme mountain bike night, thats for him and the boys)
I would share the driving and towing of the caravan.
I would go shopping with my daughter ALL DAY istead of just a couple of hours.
I would be able to walk with my husband hand in hand instead of being sat on scooter and holding his hand.
I would go in the sea on a belly board, we used to do that, my oh and I when we were teenagers.
I wouldn't need to rest

BUT.....I am still happy even with arthritis , my husband is one in a million, my daughter is beautiful, tall, and very caring. My son in law is wonderful too and my other family are all ready to help when ever they can (sometimes too much lol)
I also have some lovely friends on here who I wouldn't have met.
What more could I ask?

Juliepf x

speedalong

Mmm. My life would be similiar to how it is now, but easier as I wouldn't have to struggle with everyday activities, my job and wearing out S.

I'd love to be able to walk him for miles, play chase with him, drive without payback, jump on the trampoline with him ... try out different sports and activities. Ride my bike with him. Probably take him running several times a week. Do my Christmas shop in one go.

We have to adjust to our limitations though, so, I'm not sure what else I would have done ...

Speedy

dreamdaisy

Hmmmmm. DevilishDaisy is about. I know what I want to type but I won't as this is a serious thread.

To be honest I have never thought about this as I came to it all rather late. I wonder if this is a question for those who began this ghastly malarkey a damn sight earlier than me? (I was 37.) Surely we all have dreams and it's either indolence or a serious lack of talent that stop them happening. From my point of view yes, there are things that I wish I had done when I had the chance, but I thought the chance would always be there. When I began my little tuition business I found a quote from G B Shaw (no, not that one :roll: ) about those who, if they can't find the circumstances they need they go out and make them. I like to think I still could. DD

skezier

Oh Sticky.....

My life would have been very different... I mean very....

I went through school being criticized for walking odd, for having a slipped discs re the pe teacher who was convinced a kid couldn't have them, for having time off being unable to walk and though it wasn't the only reason the only reason I got some bullying (till I learned I could hit them too!) it did contribute.

I wouldn;t have felt so isolated. I also lost a job I was actually good at and enjoyed, on a crap pension via a medical discharge.

Then we have the horse thing....

I might have done really well in the dressage and was frighteningly bold with the backing/schooling/cross country. I was also a decent teacher, but worst of all I had to give my own baby up... and not a day goes by when I don't think and shed a tear about that one.....

My baby was a top draw TB mare who I had breed my self.... The most gentle eyes and temperament that essentially was kind but she was 100% top draw TB

I may well not have split from my partner.... necrophilia was mentioned and he got so nasty and I get hurt so easily that and the horse broke me. I don't know how or when that will ease off to be honest as they happened within 6 months of each other....

None of this would have happened. i wouldn;t have lost a house through lack of money when I got discharged and my then [partner was killed, I wouldn;t live as I am here and honestly did have a future as a half decent dressage rider etc etc etc....

BUT

Its made me nice and more tolerant.... I felt washed up and useless but after the op i got my legs back and could still ride and dream chaced on the coming home thing......

I also wouldn;t have gone into rescue wholesale, a lot of animals I know i did and have (and still will ) rescue and keep or re home.

I wouldn't have had sheep again, or chicken, or know the seasons so well and the change in the air s they go through their cycle.

I wouldn't be me in short and thankfully I don't remember not having pain and I don't remember what it was like to not be a drunken gorilla when I walk.

Most of all.... I have made some extremely good friend cus of the arthritis and as for that I thank it! Cris xx

bertyboy

hi all ive not been about for a while hope you are all as good as life allows , i felt i had to answer this one .
if i didnt have artheritis i would still be working doing a job i loved , haveing good holidays be able to walk my dogs as and when ,have 2 decent knees instead of maybe half of one , thats still a sore point ,

since i have had it i have fount i am much more tollerent of people in general i dont judge a person that plods in front of me or bumbs in to me i wobble so it might be my fault , i appreciate my hubby more for having patience when my days are not good , ive learnt to hit a ball with a hockey stick so i can still play ball with my dogs , ive fount facebook and games sad life i know , this lovely forum i dont always show my face here but i do value all the support that everybody gives to each other , x

skezier

Hey May a big (((((((((( )))))))))) and its two way cus your not forgotten here. Cris xxx

Poppyg1rl

Hi all,
I am in a bit of a bad way with two fixed claws for hands, so my sister Julia is typing this for me.
I was 38 when diagnosed, i was succesfully running my own childcare business and had been for 15 years, as well as being a happy wife and mother to three lads.
A lot has changed, my health dictated that I give up my business, I am now in a wheelchair, I use a stick or crutches when I can't use the chair, I have various aids throughout the house and I'm in near constant pain.
Now, in my opinion I could sit there and wallow and feel sorry for myself, but I don't.
What has Arthritis given me?
TIME: no longer do my boys have to wait till 6.30 to start h/work as there's no way they could start earlier with 4 little ones here. I no longer put pressure on myself to do things within a timescale, I'll get to it when I can get to it and not before.
Lots of time with my wonderful hubby, who is now my carer and working from home, although he has to help me up, dress me and help me feed sometimes, he still see's me as the girl he married and I adore him for it.
I have time to be with my friends, I am very lucky to be surrounded by lots of good friends, they pop in with a good book I might like to read, do some shopping for us, pick up prescriptions for me, and in the case of my best friend, we meet up every week for a girly evening, looking at trashy mags, eating chocolate and the odd small tipple
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE:
My walking stick is fluorescent pink and covered in heart stickers, she is also called 'Doris' my Wheelchair is similarly neon pink and glittered courtesy of my sons and called 'Betsy' I have 'Ethel' the bath lift and 'Edith' my perching stool, not forgetting 'Trevor' my grabber all named by me and my sons, with the intention of lightening the tone.
Something I tell myself whenever I need the courage to cope with what life throws at me is 'I will adapt and change, if I have to be disabled, it will be on my terms'. Xxx

cthornley

I suspect life would have been a bit different -
I think /hope that I would have done better at university ( I was struck down with terribly with RA at the end of 1st year) however the RA made me driven in a different (more stubborn way) so who knows. I would have travelled more and taken jobs offered to me abroad but the inability to walk away from my treatment or access to treatment / meds has reduced that
I probably wouldn't have trained to be an accessibility consultant - that particular specialism would probably passed me by and my insight into areas of it definitely wouldn't be so great.
I'm guessing I would have had a second child by now as we want one but the unstable RA and the thought of no/reduced meds again fills me with dread, it's not a foregone conclusion that we won't have another baby but there will be a big gap as our little boy is about to turn 4.
My liver wouldn't be shot to pieces by meds but it probably would have suffered more through alcohol..... big partier before diagnosis, but huge periods of enforced no drinking have definitely reduced my appetite.
I may have had a different partner - I was with another bloke when diagnosed but he drove me up the wall with worrying about me that I left him. I met my husband at a party that I was invited to to cheer me up after recovering from a particularly bad flare.
I may have ended up working for a different employer - when job seeking I got offered a job by a practice which subsequently got withdrawn when I told them I had RA (tut tut), at the time they were a dream employer so was devastated. With hindsight I'm glad I never got to work for them if that was their attitude and I wouldn't have ended up at my current place where I've been ever since.

oh and i'd probably still be a canoing instructor (fat chance these days of even getting into a canoe even whilst the RA is behaving)
Chrissie

suncatcher

I did not have the hobbies i have now and new friend i have met through them.
I had not written stories poems since school took it up after Arther i love it and i read it out.
I was more shy
never done public speaking before starting to do that.
I have never been on a committee done fund raisers, coffee mornings ect i am doing new things never thought ever possible i often wished i was a different person a new person is emerging. more independent, determined. there is more but i am tired right now. My life is going in a new exciting route don't know where im going but enjoying it.
ok my healths more rubbish etc but not going into my negatives in positive frame of mind today