Anyone fancy a quicky
Colin1
Member Posts: 1,769
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest PP she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice, At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin. Two hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £50! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
Go on Smile its Paddys Day
Colin
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest PP she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice, At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin. Two hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £50! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'
Go on Smile its Paddys Day
Colin
WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
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Comments
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I agree with suzygirl.If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
Your even madder than ard Tony!.0
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Colin! :shock: Thanks for the giggle. DDHave you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben0
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my Wife was counting the pennies from the penny jar when she suddenly burst into tears. I thought, blimey, she's obviously going through the change :? :shock:Me-Tony
Ra-1996 -2013 RIP...
Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP0 -
stickywicket wrote:I agree with suzygirl.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions?.......that's improper SW!''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)0 -
You also are my therapy Colin thank you Ive fallen off the couch laughingJoanne0
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thanks guysWHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE0
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Thankyou thats the mast iv laughed in ages0
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