Anyone fancy a quicky

Colin1

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest PP she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice, At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin. Two hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £50! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

Go on Smile its Paddys Day
Colin

suzygirl

stickywicket

I agree with suzygirl.

mellman01

Your even madder than ard Tony!.

resusjan

dreamdaisy

Colin! :shock: Thanks for the giggle. DD

tjt6768

my Wife was counting the pennies from the penny jar when she suddenly burst into tears. I thought, blimey, she's obviously going through the change :? :shock:

prefabkid47

stickywicket wrote:

I agree with suzygirl.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions?.......that's improper SW!

suncatcher

You also are my therapy Colin thank you Ive fallen off the couch laughing

Colin1

thanks guys

barking1

Thankyou thats the mast iv laughed in ages