Anyone fancy a quicky

Colin1
Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
edited 25. Mar 2012, 15:40 in Community Chit-chat archive
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that….2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest PP she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice, At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin. Two hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £50! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

Go on Smile its Paddys Day
Colin
WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE

Comments

  • suzygirl
    suzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol:
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I agree with suzygirl. :lol::lol::lol:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,306
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Your even madder than ard Tony!. :lol:
  • resusjan
    resusjan Member Posts: 290
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol:
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Colin! :shock: Thanks for the giggle. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    my Wife was counting the pennies from the penny jar when she suddenly burst into tears. I thought, blimey, she's obviously going through the change :? :shock:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    stickywicket wrote:
    I agree with suzygirl. :lol::lol::lol:

    Five out of four people have trouble with fractions?.......that's improper SW!
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You also are my therapy Colin thank you Ive fallen off the couch laughing :lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Joanne
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    thanks guys
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • barking1
    barking1 Member Posts: 185
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thankyou thats the mast iv laughed in ages :lol::lol::lol:
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