Another quicky for you

Colin1

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said: "I would like to come back as a cow". I said: "You're obviously not listening"

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. they said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa...

Tesco has announced 20,000 new jobs are to be created in the UK.
Poland's Prime Minister has welcomed the news. ( Was that racist )

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "what's up Abdul, won't it start?" ( will I get told off for that one would an afgan find it funny

I asked my grandma if she'd seen my pills marked LSD. She replied "**** the pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

I went to visit the grave of my wife today....Funny, she thinks it's going to be a fish pond!

I just called the Tinitus Helpline.Absolutely useless!!! It just kept ringing and ringing.


A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. 'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I slept with on my stag night, whilst one of your mates whipped me and your other mate done unmentionable things to me ****?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'


I came home drunk last night and my wife wasn't happy.
"How much have you had to drink?" she asked, staring at me.
"Nothing" I slurred.
"Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the pub, which one is it?"
I paused for a second and said, "It's you, I can tell by the voice."

After about 100 years at the bottom of the Atlantic. Irish divers were amazed to find the swimming pool on the Titanic was still full !!
Colin

stickywicket

Much as I love these, Colin, I wish you'd choose another title for your posts. I find the current ones promise more than they deliver.

Folara

Hubby and I are rolling about the settee with laughter. Thanks and keep them coming.

Fols x

valval

if that a quicky would hate to see one with foreplay

dreamdaisy

Val! I think I love you - that's the best laugh in ages! Bless you and thank you. DD