GroundHog Feeling

elainebadknee

Hi All

Ive had osteochondritis dissecans of left knee since was a teenager, had 4 surgeries to remove loose bodies and numberous arthroscopies. My knee went really bad two years ago and hasnt been the same ever since..Have never walked normally again, nor had bend etc..
I went through last arthroscopy in March 2010 and saw ortho afterwards who said it should have helped but didnt...He completely ruled me out of a TKR (was obstructive to say the least) cos of my age (43) and being overwieght...I sought second opinion at Wigan and to cut a long sotry short the consultant there said if I lost weight (was 110kg, now 88kg) then he would do my TKR..
Last saw him in February and he was so impressed with my weight loss, wanted to keep me as a prime example to others...But he still wanted to put off surgery at least for 6 months as im still young..he told me the joint would only last 7-8years (I thought it was 10-15) and it was major surgery....
Well even though ive lost all this weight I now feel as if im in limbo...I want this operation (well dont cos im terrifed too of spinal) and possible complications...But I feel my life has been on hold for too long now, just want it over and done with...I feel like ive lost how it feels to work, have a purpose in a way....I feel pretty ineffectual right now....

Sorry again for moaning.....

Elainex

I feel a bit bad for posting how I feel as know people suffer more than myself but cant help this just now.

tkachev

It is a very upsetting situation to be in Elaine. You know an operation could help with the constant pain and you could then get on with life. You are having to struggle when really you shouldn't be.

Maybe you could let them know how you are struggling. and ask if they could push the operation forward a few months. Why should a few months or even a year make such a difference when you consider the big picture.

I was 46 when I had my THR but they were primarily concerned that I was in so much pain and pushed me to go ahead.

Elizabeth x

elainebadknee

Elizabeth

I so wish they could understand how this makes me feel..I thought once id lost the weight they would have gone ahead with it, okay go on the waiting list but still that would have been progress...
Id rather live my life now but at the moment its not much of a life and sorry if that sounds dramatic but all days are the same, hence my title groundhog day..
Maybe I dont seem in as much pain to them, i dont know...Im fed up having to push my point...

Elainex

tkachev wrote:

It is a very upsetting situation to be in Elaine. You know an operation could help with the constant pain and you could then get on with life. You are having to struggle when really you shouldn't be.

Maybe you could let them know how you are struggling. and ask if they could push the operation forward a few months. Why should a few months or even a year make such a difference when you consider the big picture.

I was 46 when I had my THR but they were primarily concerned that I was in so much pain and pushed me to go ahead.

Elizabeth x

JuliaHod12

Hi Elaine

I admire you for having lost so much weight...........i have not been so fortunate in achieving this!

I can fully understand your frustration at being in your situation..........I have only struggled for the past 2/3 years and had 3 arthroscopies, but believe the problems have existed to some extent for about 20 years!

I think you should exercise your right to the best treatment and insist they do something sooner rather than later..............if they leave it too long you may not get the best results from the TKR. A colleague at work has said that hos wife was made to wait and they admitted afterwards that she had been "left too long"!

I'm fortunate in that i can have my TKR pretty much when i want as covered by work BUPA.............hoping for June (seeing consultant May 10th)

Everyone elses'spain is only relative and you should never apologise for ranting/ moaning or just letting it all out my lovely x
I wish you well............ xxx

valval

life is for living and why the wait i do understand it must be so frustrating for you but you do have to make sure they understand how much your life is affected we do get used to the pain to a certain amount but that does not meen it gone away just you are coping val

barbara12

Hi Elaine
Has you know I am under the same hospital, a few months ago when I was in sever pain, I decided to ring my consultants secretary...now I have never done anything like this before...I think sometimes we do see them has beyond approach , anyway what I am getting at is she was so nice I was wondering why I hadnt done it before, I started by apologising for ringing her and she said dont apologise this is what we are hear for.. :shock: this is new to me I thought, so you look up the number on there website and give them a ring, even if it is just to talk things over with him, wishing you well with it all xxx

elainebadknee

Hi Julia

Thanks for your comments on my weight loss...The thing is everyone comes out with comments like "i bet you feel so much better" or "dont you feel a massive difference"...and the answer is no...Cos i cant walk further to use up the supposed energy i have gained....
Ive had to fight so hard for this, the first consultant made me feel as if i was wasting his time and he upset me so much i had a pretty miserable period...Then saw the 2nd consultant and he didnt tell me firstly if lost weight he would do op...I had to send a vey frustrated email saying I couldnt carry on the way i was doing so...Then i got a compromise...
I get the age thing and know this is very pessimistic but say I only live till about 55, i would have wasted years of my life being half the person, living half a life which is how it feels...I know its drama queen mamterial but its how i feel too...
Its great you are covered with bupa, good on you...Never bgrudge someone something they are entitled to...

Thanks for lovely message

Elainex


I admire you for having lost so much weight...........i have not been so fortunate in achieving this!

I can fully understand your frustration at being in your situation..........I have only struggled for the past 2/3 years and had 3 arthroscopies, but believe the problems have existed to some extent for about 20 years!

I think you should exercise your right to the best treatment and insist they do something sooner rather than later..............if they leave it too long you may not get the best results from the TKR. A colleague at work has said that hos wife was made to wait and they admitted afterwards that she had been "left too long"!

I'm fortunate in that i can have my TKR pretty much when i want as covered by work BUPA.............hoping for June (seeing consultant May 10th)

Everyone elses'spain is only relative and you should never apologise for ranting/ moaning or just letting it all out my lovely x
I wish you well............ xxx[/quote]

elainebadknee

Hi Val

Yes i wish they could see that aspect of our lives but i guess the consultants just see so many patients its haard to differentiate....I fear i wont lose my limp, am always getting mickey taken out of me for that...But feel as if im living a life thats for someone retired in fact they have more energy...

Elainex

valval wrote:

life is for living and why the wait i do understand it must be so frustrating for you but you do have to make sure they understand how much your life is affected we do get used to the pain to a certain amount but that does not meen it gone away just you are coping val

elainebadknee

Hi Barbara

Maybe I do have to write another special e-mail to him...But he gave me the impression HE wanted ME to wait the six months...I personally was all pumped up in february for him saying he would put me on the waiting list for surgery and he put me off 6 months...I mean can it make such a difference....He is a good consultant, im wondering now if he has concerns about operating on me - worry mode kicking in...
Im glad you made the phone call and got results...I dont want to call and be a quivering, wreck...Think its affected my confidence if truth be known...

Elainex

barbara12 wrote:

Hi Elaine
Has you know I am under the same hospital, a few months ago when I was in sever pain, I decided to ring my consultants secretary...now I have never done anything like this before...I think sometimes we do see them has beyond approach , anyway what I am getting at is she was so nice I was wondering why I hadnt done it before, I started by apologising for ringing her and she said dont apologise this is what we are hear for.. :shock: this is new to me I thought, so you look up the number on there website and give them a ring, even if it is just to talk things over with him, wishing you well with it all xxx

RosieGlow

Elaine, you have explained how you feel really well here, without feeling the slightest bit sorry for yourself. Why don`t you put those exact same sentiments in a letter - or an email - to your Consultant. I feel a letter would probably be best, marked for his personal attention. Emails are too easy to delete. If he has any real empathy, he will realise just how genuine you are, and how you feel that you are being robbed of your life. Worth a try?.......Rosie....x.

elainebadknee

Hi Rosie

Well i have sent email before when i first saw him and he just said to me i needed to lose weight then come back to him...But he wouldnt say how much weight would be acceptable...I cried that whole day and night after that appointment as had already seen one evasive surgeon....So i did give it the full blown description and simply said i couldnt live another 25years (they say wont do TKR till in 60's) the way I was then and still am....
I guess its cos ive reached the wieght they wanted me to reach so maybe ive lost that goal to strive for....But i live with my folks who are 81 and 80 respectively...They will be there for me after my operation and im all too aware how hard that will be too....
I wish the time would fly by till saw him again..

Elainex

RosieGlow wrote:

Elaine, you have explained how you feel really well here, without feeling the slightest bit sorry for yourself. Why don`t you put those exact same sentiments in a letter - or an email - to your Consultant. I feel a letter would probably be best, marked for his personal attention. Emails are too easy to delete. If he has any real empathy, he will realise just how genuine you are, and how you feel that you are being robbed of your life. Worth a try?.......Rosie....x.