The Wheelchair Pusher's Guide

stickywicket

Heyjude put this idea in my head. These rules are all born of (my) bitter experience with 'loved ones'. (We still love each other - just ) Please feel free to add your contributions.

1. Thou shalt remember that the person in the wheelchair is still a person, with a voice, two ears and several opinions.

2. Thou shalt not attempt to shove a wheelchair through gravel. The front wheels will stick and tip out the occupant and the rest of the journey will take place in absolute silence.

3. Kerb drill is forwards for up: backwards for down. “I think we’ll be OK” is guaranteed to unnerve your occupant.

4. Please do not attempt to stop the traffic by shoving the chair out into the road.

5. Remember that cobblestones and dodgy backs are not compatible.

6. If you wish to prove your strength by pushing the chair up steep gradients, that’s fine. When going down them please wear shoes with an extra strong grip and first ensure the rubber grips on the handles are securely attached.

7. Some pavements taper and really do become too narrow for a wheelchair. The point at which this happens can usually be determined by the increasingly urgent profanities emanating from the chair.

8. Waving your hands in front of the face of the person you are pushing (“Look, no hands!”) is guaranteed to make them lose their sense of humour, especially on downward slopes.

9. Ditto, sprinting them to the cliff edge to see if you can stop on time.

10. High speed wheelies, over rickety old bridges are to be discouraged.

11. Please refrain from burying your occupant underneath all the family’s coats and sweaters in the heat of the day and then grabbing them back once the gale and hailstones begin.

12. Always give your occupant sufficient time to stand up and get their balance before removing the chair.

13. On no account use the chair as a zimmer frame when pushing on sheet ice. Your occupant is a person – possibly the person you married or who gave birth to you - not a pack of huskies.

14. Water is always a potential danger. Never leave the occupied wheelchair on the narrow, sloping path between the river and the canal without first applying the brakes.

15. In the event of a near fatal accident of the above nature, “Whoops! That was fun!” is regarded as an inadequate apology.

16. Remember that alcohol extracts competency and leaves in its place supreme confidence. If, returning from the party, your occupant yells that you won’t make it before the truck, please listen.

tillytop

Sticky this is brilliant and I laughed so much I nearly had an "accident" :oops: .

I am lucky that my only experience has been as a wheechair pusher, rather than a wheelchair occupant cos I would be a nightmare - an absolute control freak and I fear the pusher would very soon abandon me in disgust! Mind you, neither was I a very good wheelchair pusher and my wonderful mum in law used to sit in her chair saying "beep beep" to get people to move out of the way when I was pushing her. And there were occasions when tipping her out was very nearly a scary reality! :shock:

Anyway, I know there is a serious message behind your guide Sticky, but thank you for the giggle.

Tillyxxx

PS - hope you are "settling in" to your new shoes/insoles now and that things are more comfortable for you as a result.

dreamdaisy

Oh, fantastic! Sticky, Sticky, you're on fire! That is worth keeping safe somewhere, AC, it really is - could it be moved to the things to make life easier thread? Pretty please? There is a very serious message behind the humour. DD

valval

loved it made me smile and was thinking of a couple more but to be honest have no experiance so far lol val

suzygirl

Love it!!!!!!

First time my dear hubby wheeled me, he wheeled me past all the shops I wanted to look in and straight to the pub. He then parked me in the corner facing the wall and left me to go to the bar!!!!! :shock:

I know have a self propellable chair

babytiger

so funny and so true x

stickywicket

Tilly & DD - I'm afraid you are mistaking me for someone who is not shallow. There was no serious message intended. I was just having fun. Serious messages may, however, be imputed by anyone who so wishes.

Suzygirl - that's a classic! As happens so often on this forum, I wonder if we are married to the same bloke. Or, is there an 'arthritic's husband' type?

jillyb1

17. When approached by a member of the public treating me in a patronising way ; " does she take sugar ? , is she having a nice trip out ? " ; don't shout , " careful ! She's prone to bite ! " ( couldn't resist adding that one ) Jillyb

julie47

oh sticky that was brilliant

18. Remember that we are NOT a shopping trolly with arms...please do not overload

19. Please , no sudden change of direction as the eyes end up at the back of head.

love juliepf x

stickywicket

jillyb1 - I suspect they deserve it though

julie - you mean the manoeuvre where he's going one way and you're going another

20. The wheelchair is a mode of conveyance. It, and its occupant, should never be used as a weapon for skittling crowds who are moving at a slower pace than the pusher would wish.

lindalegs

Brilliant Sticky, absolutely brilliant, may I copy and send to some of my wheelchair pushing friends?

I would also like to add:

When the occupant of the wheelchair says they want to go into that shop, yes they really do and they won't ever think the shop you choose to push them into is a much better idea!

Luv,

PollySid

If I ever get to 'wheelchair' most of those would apply to Alan, especially the 'scare the person in the wheelchair' ones. I can just imagine him doing the Look No Hands one. :roll:

He has a wicked sense of humour. He once tried to sell my Mum and wheelchair in a cafe. "How much for the nice lady in the wheelchair? Come surely someone will give me 50p for her". The customers didn't know what to make of him and Mum sat there giggling. Good job she had a good sense of humour and knew what he was like.

Thanks for the laugh Sticky.

stickywicket

Pollysid - it's my adult sons who do the really scary stuff apart from ignoring brakes which is Mr SW's speciality.

Legs - of course you may. I'm flattered but thanks for asking. Good addition.

suzygirl

Sticky, we must compare notes on our hubbies!!!! We have noticed similar features before

kellerman

Sticky....Priceless. Reminded me of many years ago when we lived next door to two little boys...one in a wheelchair and the one that could walk took his brother out on Bonfire Night and made a fortune for his guy.
My children were jealous as the guy they made was on the bonfire. May

stickywicket

suzygirl wrote:

Sticky, we must compare notes on our hubbies!!!! We have noticed similar features before

I remember, Suzygirl, and it is a worry. You don't suppose we share a bigamist who is addicted to arthritics

May - small boys :roll: Aren't they wonderful?

OK, another one:

When entering lifts please remember that the wheelchair occupant’s painful arthritic feet stick out a good 12” further than her knees. A high speed entry culminating in a crash into the far wall of the lift will, even when small children and members of the clergy are present, inevitably result in colourful language followed by a full domestic.

fowls48

Sticky

You are soooo funny I dread the day i become wheelchair bound as mr fowls is a kami khazi pilot for sure

dreamdaisy

Oh Sticky, I can picture the scene! DD

dachshund

Hello Sticky.
please remember when taking a wheelchair down hill it's not the right time to try your roller skates.
joan xx

lindalegs

Well Sticky I've copied it, with your permission, and sent onto my friends.

Thank you so much for the laugh.

Luv,

dreamdaisy

Bumped up for rgt2. DD