Have I taken leave of my senses?

Avrielle

What is wrong with me!

I'm partially disabled, I can barely get out of a chair, my hips and causing severe discomfort, my knees are burning bright orange and my foot has swollen and changing colour from constantly walking on it today.........

Has my brain decided that I have to do what a busy, healthy person would? Today I have been up the street, carried shopping home including 8 pints of milk. I cleaned the fish tank out on my own. I climbed over a fence to dispose of a seagull chick that had fallen off a roof and died (if it is not removed then the smell is awful - and my neighbours are squeemish of that sort of thing..)

I also cleaned the house pretty much top to bottom, dusting, cleaning, hoovering, etc. I rearranged all the books in the bookcases to create more space (lots of lifting big hardcover books). I sorted out the washing, watered plants, sorted my partners tablets for the following week.

On top of that, I showered, then I cut my hair (made a complete mess, so will need to give it another go another day, but at least it is much lighter now) showered again - by this point I am clinging to the grab rail in the shower!

Why in the world did I do all that today? And even more curious is *how* did I do it? I know lots of stuff needed doing today as my partners friend has gone for a day and is back again tomorrow, followed by a mini party on Sunday (a few drinks in the house) and then when the friend leaves on wednesday morning, I'll have another friend staying for a short while that afternoon too. So its good everything is done, but geez! Why did I just not stop today? I was in immense pain, but I drank a caffiene boost drink and I just seemed to keep on going...

I'm seriously regretting it now. I cannot stand. I somehow got a bruise on my arm and it hurts to use my crutch with it... My body feels like it is about to just give up and I'll fall asleep but not wake up, if you get my meaning..

Why am I so stupid? Am I trying to prove I'm not as ill as everyone says I am? Has my brain just exploded because I've deteriorated physically so quickly and dramatically?

I'm terrified what I've done.... I may have made myself a LOT worse.. What if I have hurt myself and its not a temporary period of additional pain?

I'm rambling... I'm just in so much pain, tired but awake at the same time though not entirely 'with it', if you get my meaning...

ELAINE55555

Avrielle,

It sounds to me like you are a very positive person, who is not going to lie down to this, but maybe you should take it a LITTLE bit easier! LOL

Take Care x

Colin1

Hello Avrielle
Wow you done so much, I love days like that, its great to be positive and just get on with things. Yes i know we can pay the price for overdoing bur hell its good to be doing things hey Avrille
Colin

Milly8

You remind me of me .i push myself to my limits and then end up paying for it in the end.i used to get told off by everyone but never listened the only thing I listened to in the end was my body.it was crying for me to take things slower but I never listened.i used to arm myself with painkillers and carry on which seemed ok if you kept moving but the minute i stopped and sat down I seize up.the trouble is our brain thinks we are still well enough to do so much in one go.i am not the type of person to do things in stages but I have had to learn to be.my kids used to know when I had been for my mountain walk.i would walk up the top and walk across the top and back .sit in my chair and find it very hard to get back up again.sadly I have not been up the mountain for while ( maybe if I get anti tnf drugs and they work I can go again)I am sorry you feeling so Ill and in pain at the moment.How you did it not a mystery it's will power and shear determination.i wallpapered my living room in one day once.through gritted teeth and all the pain but nothing was going to stop me. It did stop me doing other things for the next few days but I did it.thats one question I have asked myself was I doing more harm than good carrying on with it.not sure of that one.it took me a long time to start listening to my body.its not giving in to your illness but trying to be in tune with what your body needs.
Hope you feel better soon.all the best milly

dreamdaisy

It's called acceptance and I think you are battling with it. We all do from time to time, we kid ourselve that we can still do what we used to do and we still try to do what we used to do then we find out that we can't do what we used to do and grind to a halt with in pain, feeling tired, emotional, frustrated, cheated by life. The secret is to do what we we used to do but in reduced amounts and stopping when we think we can do more. Learning how to do that and recognising our limits, well, that's the hard bit. DD

Heather65

Hi,
it sounds like a very busy day i get days like that when i think ok lets just get on with it ,but the only trouble is you pay for it the next day ,ive learnt to pace myself do more on the good days and less on the bad ,
Heather

babytiger

You sound just like me, positive thinking BUT its afterwards and next day you feel it ....

Saphire

Hi Avrielle,
I guess when we have a time when we feel we can do more we just do it to make up for all the times when we can't, then of course we pay the price. As much as I do try to pace myself sometimes I go over the top once I am on a roll just keep going. Saying that have not done very much since I stopped work and still have times when I can barely move, this disease seems to have no rhyme or reason.

Hope you feel better soon, Saph x

Numptydumpty

Hi Avrielle,
I think we all do this sometimes. Then we have to deal with payback time!
I think as long as you can pace yourself most of the time, the odd burst of "madness" won't do too much harm.
Hopefully you can relax a bit now, and enjoy the company of your friends.
Wishing you well,
Numpty

Avrielle

dreamdaisy wrote:

It's called acceptance and I think you are battling with it. We all do from time to time, we kid ourselve that we can still do what we used to do and we still try to do what we used to do then we find out that we can't do what we used to do and grind to a halt with in pain, feeling tired, emotional, frustrated, cheated by life. The secret is to do what we we used to do but in reduced amounts and stopping when we think we can do more. Learning how to do that and recognising our limits, well, that's the hard bit. DD

This sounds completely right!

Thankyou for all your replies. I'm broken today, but at least I don't have to do anything!

But I do feel pretty awful. I'm on the sofa, stretched out, but I can't move. I have shooting pains going down my legs from my hips, but I can't move myself to relieve it!

If I move my leg, my knee is just screaming at me! My foot is throbbing away too. I'd like to think this would teach me a lesson, but it probably wont.

As for doing more harm than good, well, it is a very difficult one to say, isn't it? Doctors will likely say it is good to keep moving, but not over-doing it. But if you are in pain all the time it is difficult to say when you are over-doing it or if it is just the pain signals travelling without damage... Hmm.

dreamdaisy

It's not easy moving around when we know it's going to hurt but it is essential to our general health that we try to stay as active as possible. Do a bit then rest a bit is one way to manage our dwindling energy resources. Learning one's limits takes time - I went into town today, I lasted for about an hour thanks to using the Clatterator but that will be it for today, no further effort (apart from the basics) will be made; that way I may be able to do the same tomorrow if Mr DD fancies a trip in.

Right, the washing up is beckoning :roll: but once that's done I can come back here! Rest as much as you can Avrielle, that is what is required. DD

bubbadog

Hi Avrielle, Wow you really went mad there! Bet you are feeling ruff today!! You need to learn to listen to your body, it will tell you when it's ok and when it's starting to feel tired. I can tell you I still over do it some days but only now and then when I want to finish what I've started! I hope you will feel better soon and don't suffer for to long.