Crying and feeling emotional

Colin1
Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
edited 2. Jul 2012, 07:34 in Living with Arthritis archive
I was just talking to a lady about some emotional stuff and the fact that I have become more emotional over the past 8 years since I became ill. I wondered if it was a common thing among us. We cope so well with the pain well most of the time, but coping with emotions is that different I’m a man x soldier seen all sorts of suffering done all sorts of things. But now I’m different I have changed I’m what I might call a wimp. I done more crying over the past 8 years than I done in my life. Just listening to music or reading a post on here can start me off blubbering and if its anything to do with kids fetch me the tissues. If one of the kids is sick man I’m a wreck. I was always so much in control and now I’m like a quivering wreck. What about you guys has it changed you suffering long term illness
Colin
WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE

Comments

  • fowls48
    fowls48 Member Posts: 1,357
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Colin


    You are not a wimp very far from it .Having just recently been diagnosed with Arthur i will give you my picture .

    Feet were killing me , i felt tired all the time did not know why , then i started to get depressed , miserable , and tearful .Yes it was Arthur ruddy little s**t , I did not know what was going on now i,m on my meds and have made friends on this forum i,m nearly back to my old self but with pain .But cannot stand any shouting fighting or any other confrontations , I cannot satnd rushing about and having to go from here to there all in one day
    So in my opinion its All Arthurs doing .
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Colin..I for one am far more emotional...I didnt realised till a few months ago, and I was reading my Mums diary's...she died 32 years ago...and I was in tears.....and like you listening to certain music or watching a film....and I can just be talking to my OH about days gone by and I am off again ,
    Maybe its a way of releasing things without us realising it.
    And my dad was a soldier...and he was so soppy I wouldn't have had him any other way
    You take care xx :D
    Love
    Barbara
  • freesia
    freesia Member Posts: 409
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well I'm not a bloke.....
    But Yes...
    For me, since I have been diagnosed with 'arthur' my emotions are all over the place... sometimes I seem as hard as nails, then the next moment I'm an emotional wreck and in tears.....
    Don't know whether it's the pain or the medication.... But with all this rain wer'e having - I don't need to add to the water problem with all these tears....
    I think when I am in pain/chronic pain - it seems to remind me that I'm only in my 40's and lifes not as easy as it used to be or as I want it to be and that hurts, I can rush around like I used too, and tend the garden wish I used to love - my life has changed immensley - it makes me realise that none of us live forever and that I've aged.... :( I know there are alot of people far worse off than me, but at times I just wanna scream... or cry....

    Wishing you well....
    hugs freesia xxx
  • Avrielle
    Avrielle Member Posts: 182
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    *Hugs*

    Having your emotions surface is nothing to fear. It is normal, it is human. We all need a good cry once in a while to release our tensions and emotions that cannot be expressed or released in any other way.

    However, low mood, crying a lot, having dark thoughts or lacking self-worth are signs of depression and is something you should talk to your GP about.

    But general, feeling a bit emotional from time to time, is natural. Especially when suffering chronic pain as you will be fatigued which will make your emotions easier to surface. Being an ex soldier, I would imagine that you have seen some horrific things and that your mind has built up a brick wall against it. But the more you feel low in yourself, the more tired you get, the symptoms of arthritis, then it would probably be quite a common thing for that wall to begin to crumble or not stand as strong as it once did. However, I cannot say from first hand experience.

    I met an ex-soldier once. He was one of the 'hard' ones. I can't remember the name, but he was front line infaltry and only him and two others came out alive from his troop. He suffers Post-traumatic depression from it, and cried and cried and cried. Such a shame, but it was post-traumatic stress disorder. Very different to just feeling a bit emotional.

    Can't really offer anything except big *hugs* (or a manly pat on the back!)

    xxx
    Life is just a ride. Up and down, round and around, thrills and chills, very brightly coloured and very loud. But don't ever be afraid, because it is just a ride.
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Colin,

    It just goes to show what a lovely kinda guy you are. :)

    I have become more emotional with age, setting aside my OA, which has of course introduced me to pain, discomfort, having to find other ways to do things and made me stronger in a way. Because I have experienced suffering and loss, not only with arthritis, I go out of my way more to help and support others not doing so well in whatever way that may be. I am a good listener and that is often what people need as well as feeling loved and cared about and I do become emotional and they do too, which is no bad thing. As we get older we experience unhappy episodes in our life and I am sure all this makes many of us more emotional within ourselves and when sharing with others.

    I get emotional when listening to music, programmes about others less fortunate than myself and so on. My dear hubby does not quite understand how I can get as weepy-eyed as often as I do.

    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Colin, I know I don't really know you, but having read a lot of your posts, I can say for sure, you are not a wimp!
    It takes a very strong man to go through all that you have, and still have time for other peoples problems, and retain a wicked sense of humour!
    There is nothing wrong with showing your emotions.
    I don't know whether it's the RA, or the meds, but I am far more emotional these days. I cry very easily, sometimes for no real reason.
    Please take care,
    Numpty
  • earthspirit
    earthspirit Bots Posts: 278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi colin lots of great replies and avrielle could have taken the words out of my mouth in much of what she said.

    it is a part of the disease, winding and grinding us down, making us more vulnerable and yes the release of emotion is a good thing with tears.

    ive found myself laughing at myself, after doing the crying bit, saying out loud, who the fck is this crying cos it aint me cos i am used to extreme pain and mental stress and can tolerate some really heavy situations.

    a great deal of my own work was with soldiers via Help for Heroes charity and the ptss they had, the crying and emotional problems is nothing like the emotional anguish our disease causes us. its a totally different emotion we are feeling - i can say that because i know how it affects the guys i have helped and it isnt like this.

    our immune systems are attacking us - who wouldnt feel weepy and emotional when there is nothing we can do to turn this off. its almost like self harming ourselves, because we didnt let the world get to us in any other way.

    i have found over the last 18 months, from talking to many people on different forums, that most people with RA are incredibly strong minded, strong willed and the ones most able or capable to deal with the stress life throws at us. this asshl of a disease catches us in a way we could not forsee and with no mechanism to protect ourselves from is. does that make sense?

    what troubled me long before the crying game was how i went from taking phonecalls at all hours of the day and night from sad and despondent people, to actually slamming down the phone in disgust at the whinging some people do about nothing. i felt so guilty but then worked out that i am not god and i cant change peoples lives, make them richer or happier or shed themselves of responsibility - that is the burder many people face in life and only they have the power to change their lives. they are the whingers with no real illness only lack of ability to deal with life in a mature and adult way. RA makes you more "realistic" about life (eventually when you deal with the limitiations) and it is this "on the end of a springboard above the ocean" that is the trigger that can make us weepy sad and emotional.

    so cry away young man, cry away....what is released in your mind will do you good.
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Shows what a strong man you are.(((()))) Mig
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    No No No guys i wasent having a winge I thank you for the wonderful replies You guys really are the tops you know. I'm not depressed perhaps a little fed up to tell the truth but it wasent about me i just wonderd how you guys all felt and if your emotions had changed. i'm getting on ok coping as best as i can and finding some days like today difficult to say the least. You lot are my tonic for the day and as most of you know we turn to AC forums when we are at our worse or feeling low. I always feel better when i talk to people on here it seems to put things in perspective when you see just how ill some people are and how desperate they become. What prompted my post was i read a post on AC that made me cry. The suffering some people have is beyond understanding and how they bare up in the face of advertesy is overwhealming.
    Eathspirit i done some work for Audley Court last year and offten fund raised for CS I suppose we all cope different with stress in any form, how can one soldier suffer so much when the man who stood next to him doesent suffer at all. ( or does he ) But it happens It just so happens that i done a study on stress and burn out syndrome for Uni some years ago with lancaster uni. Anyway it was curiosity wish i could spell. Funny how some people can see through the smoke screen but honestly guys i'm fine
    Love to you all i just should have stayed with the Chit Chat instead of straying here.
    Colin
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Colin I got the right end of the stick....honest... you just wanted to know if we got more emotional since Arthur....and you stray wherever you want.... :D
    Love
    Barbara
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Colin, I did not think for one minute you were having a whinge and I think it did you good to "stray" over to this zone and for us who replied. :)

    Thank you,

    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Big boys don't cry? Utter nonsense. It's the properly 'big' (i.e. adult, mature) boys who do. The human race is generally divided into two kinds but it is more socially acceptable for women to cry than men. I don't understand that and never have (but there again I am not a bloke and am not subject to those pressures).

    You are male, Colin, but you are also human. You are coping with a deal of ill-health and that in itself is demoralising, exhausting, tiring and wearing and then factor in your care for others? My view is that crying does not un-man one, it confirms that you are a fully-rounded human being. I do not understand the masculline pressures (neither do I yield to the feminine ones) but there is nowt wrong with tears. They help, they ease and release emotional tension, they are an essential part of being human. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Barbara LOL
    DD thanks
    Elna yes your normally right
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • suzygirl
    suzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Colin, it gets to the best of us. You are a trooper and I know you are severely affected. I think pain and disability make sus more aware o fhow others suffer.

    We feel rubbish and fight against it then see someone else worse off and wonder how they do it. Truth is ,its the only thing that keeps them going.

    I have never heard you whinge or complain, yet you have grounds to.

    I have become more emotional and empathetic. I am grumpy when in pain and emotional when I see injustice. I see these things more and more since being ill.

    I am grateful for my faith as it sustains me and I wish the same for others.

    Colin, take care
  • earthspirit
    earthspirit Bots Posts: 278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    suzy - you say your faith sustains you. whatever you have faith in with life, will be what keeps you going. i had a near death experience and i didnt really realise this at the time. when i did, it made me think that every day is a birthday. on those black days with RA, i sometimes laugh through the tears of helplessness pain and despondency and remind myself of my own words...i think that this too is MY faith.

    i also know, that from talking to my oh that he has been brough to the edge of tears with my illness. not that he might lose me, but of the suffering he is watching and feels he can do little to help. he can help with the practical care and the emotional support when i need it, but he too accepts that what he does will not cure me or make me get better. we have been with each other so long that he acts intuitively a lot of the time. yes indeed, real men do cry.

    we are all discussing this part of what colin has said, but i too am interested in how it affects peoples personalities. as i said above, i was quite shocked at my own behaviour in my work and seriously felt a lot of guilt. are there things that other people do or dont do, now that they are ill...perhaps where you feel your actual personality has been changed because of your disease??
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What a wonderful response from you all, its good to know we are not alone
    Our illness / disease effects us all in so many ways, coping with long term illness
    and long term pain does make us stronger but we do change in lots of ways.
    Another thing I noticed is that it changes or should I say it changed me in lots of
    Ways. I have no time for fools or people who are 2 faced, I have become abrupt
    with some people and have no problem telling people how I feel about them good
    or bad. In the past I would have suffered them. I count my friends on one hand
    true friends outside the family perhaps I have 2 and I value them very much. I know
    so many people and when I had my club I saw them all the time all mated of mine.
    Since I retired due to illness not one of them have knocked on my door. My wife thinks
    its awful I think its life and I used them for business just as they used me. But I did
    enjoy them at the time. Faith is a great thing as they say it can move mountains. To have
    faith and belief in something regardless of what it is or whos god it is, if it brings ease
    and comfort to the believer it is a good thing. Some of you made reference to your
    partners and the effects your illness has on them. Some years ago I done a thread on
    this subject and think it could be time to do it again. So ill start a thread today. Its been
    great to see how honest and open you guys have been. I think ill leave you all with a song
    Colin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmisOxCHEiw
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • Avrielle
    Avrielle Member Posts: 182
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yeah, it is easy to find out who your friends are when you become ill or disabled and don't go out/be as social nearly as much as you used to.

    I have never had a large number of friends, but I have lost contact with some of them since my injury to my foot and not going out or doing things as much.

    However I do have 2 really good friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin and another friend who I recently got back in contact with and although we aren't as close as the other two, she still has a valued place in my heart and my life.

    But it is amazing how many people back away and don't want to know when you have a chroinic illness or something that affects your day to day living. But I am very happy to know that I do have 3 very valuable friends and they are the true ones.

    One true friend is worth a lot more than a 100 aquaintences.
    Life is just a ride. Up and down, round and around, thrills and chills, very brightly coloured and very loud. But don't ever be afraid, because it is just a ride.
  • fowls48
    fowls48 Member Posts: 1,357
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Colin


    Glad you are well , sorry i did get the wrong end of the stick , people do cope differently some are stronger than others , i'm glad all is well and i certainly did not think you were winging , or anyone else for that matter , It helps too get things off your chest especiallly to people that can understand what your going through , thats why everybody on this forum are so great .
    I have been lucky so far i am making progress and feel fraudulant when coming on this sight as i do not suffer as bad as most of you .But i do have R A and we are looking a 2 years to see how well i progress just so i can move on with my life .My feet are in a sorry state as i have bunions on both sides of each feet , plus i have already had one broken bone which had been left so liong :oops: i have now got a in it , but the bunion bones :lol: have crumbled so i have to wait another 6 weeks to let the meth kick in as i still have a little pain in them .
    Sorry for my life story but i hadn't really told it in full before and thought it was time i did .



    kare xxx
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Avrielle Yes good friends are important I have 2 Mrs Cs Brother and another friend we have all been togeter since we where about 10 years old
    My other friend and i have a special relationship we are like brothers, i really miss going out to town him on the ale we went out every Friday. I saw my self doing this untill old age set in but alas arthritis and all the other stuff seem to have taken over. Life can be a bitch at times but hey what can you do.
    Hey kare please dont feel fraudulant You have the same disease as many of us and for me i'm glad your doing ok with it at the moment. Bad feet can be a bugger to live with. and your story was quite short unlike me i can talk for England. Hope your doing OK on the Meth its the drug from hell for me.
    Colin
    WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE
  • fowls48
    fowls48 Member Posts: 1,357
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ooh colin

    Thats awful (meth).My Back is still playing up and i have to keep popping the pills fed up with suffering :lol: Never mind soon be xmas
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    don't you go thinking your soppy! your a real man showing emotion. Since I've joined the Arther crew I have become emotional it doesn't help going through the menopause and having the implant. I cry at anything a song, weddings, funnerals, animal programmes anything!! My OH just laugh's if we're watching telly and he looks over and I've got tears rolling down my face. So no we've all become soppy idiots as I say show's we're human!