Arthritis and grief ?both

harleyquin

Hi everyone, I have been a lurker for a while now but decided to join you today.
I lost my husband 20 months ago, it was very sudden and totally unexpected - he was 49 and we had just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.
6 months later i had a problem with my knee, which i thought i had twisted, at first, but after 4 weeks, went to my gp who sent me for an x ray which showed "wear and tear"
Within a month the pain had spread to my hips, fingers and shoulders.
A further pelvic x ray showed osteo in both my hips and therefore the pain in my shoulders were a foregone conclusion.
My question is, because of the shock and disbelief of my husbands death, could this have been a physical reaction to grief or just unfortunate timing?
I have always felt that grief has to come out somehow and if not expressed emotionally, it will show itself physically.
Thank you for listening, and i would be interested in your feelings/experiences.

suzygirl

Hi and welcome to the forum. I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I do think that grief can manifest itself physically. Especially when you had such a shock.

Are your pain meds helping much?

harleyquin

Hi Suzygirl and thank you for your kind response.
I am on co codomol 30/500 and they take the edge off but I'm never really 100% comfortable, but that may be because i only take them when things are unbearable as I am afraid of becoming addicted to them, which i have read, but which my gp denies.
Therefore I spend most of my time miserable from aching (and to complicate matters I have an inner ear balance problem so get the dizzies too)
Is it ok to take co codomol regularly do you know?

Harley

Colin1

Hello harleyquin Nice to meet and so sorry about the circumstances. Deepest sympathy
You must suffer so much. The closest I come to you is My Nan She died 8 years ago age 92
She was my world and the reason I stayed in Liverpool rather than emigrate. I loved her so much.
I came from a TB family and my family suffered a great deal with lots of deaths caused by TB.
At the age of 4 years I was given to my Nan to be looked after as my Farthers mother and his sister had just died of TB and my brother was now in hospital with TB I myself caught it but for some reason was immune to it, although it has scared my lungs and made things difficult in later life.
I had just been Diagnosed with RA and PsA at the time of her death but I took her death so bad I thought I might die myself, I just could not get over it. I became really ill and my RA flared up terrible
After the funeral I found it difficult to cope with daily life and probably became depressed, I ended up in hospital as the RA got so bad. I got tummy problems and had to have an operation, then I had to have my Gal bladder out, then this problem and that problem. My family where so supportive and my wife new what the cause was though I was now seeing life through the bottom of a Brandy bottle. It took me a long time to realise what I was doing to myself and the family. I still haven’t come to terms with that loss. I lost my Mum six weeks before Nan so things where really bad. However Not wanting to preach to you have you thought about counselling and do you know anything about the seven stages of grief. Have a read if you get the chance look for the Kubler Ross model My own belief is that no matter what the experts say some things you never get over we just learn to live with it. It may well have been a coincidence but likely you had it before your husbands death. Both stress and grief can make your body’s defenses low not helped by some of the medications you might take. Arthritis is hard to cope and deal with It is another form of loss and coping with the events of life and your illness is really hard to do. Hope your feeling better soon
Take care
Colin

harleyquin

Dear Colin, what a terrible time you have been through.
You have my sincere condolences.
It never matters how long ago the loss of loved ones are, they are still always there in your heart.

I will never fully accept my hisbands death, but I am learning to come to terms with it...it's all we can do at the end of the day.
I have 4 great kids who take good care of me.
I read loads of grief books, and joined a widow/widower forum and I also had Cruse Counselling which I found really beneficial.
There are so many unanswered questions, so many regrets etc, but the lady i had from Cruse was wonderful.

Anyway, so here I am with osteo arthritis at 51 and an inner ear disorder (BBPV) which causes me severe dizziness, so my life is very centred around the home now.
I didn't experience any symptoms of wear and tear before my husband passed away and was actually on holiday celebrating what would have been his 50th birthday, when my knee "went" ...that was the start of it.
( we had celebrated my own milestone and 30th anniversary the year before and had planned a great holiday for his, so i went ahead and celebrated it anyway, just as he would have liked it )

I guess I will never know if my grief caused this or if it was on the cards for me anyway somewhere down the line.
I found out that it is in my late fathers side of the family so thats probably the answer.

Harley

valval

hello and welcome i know stress can make things worse so perhaps the stress of it all bought it to a head i am sorry as this is such a hard time for you but stay around and you will get lots of suport good luck val

elnafinn

Dear Harley

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. That is my biggest fear in life, losing my husband. It is a blessing you have four lovely children to look out for you.

I believe that the whole idea of cocodamol is to take it reguarly for it to do its job properly. I took cocodamols regularly (8 a day) for a long, long time before I had the first and then the second knee totally replaced. I also took anti inflams regularly too. I still take the anti inflams which help greatly with my other arthritis aches and pains. The knees are good though so no regrets with having the ops. Coco's can make one constipated though. :roll:

I was never told that cocos could be addictive. They do contain codeine. It probably depends on what type of person you are. I never became addicted to them and was more than happy to ditch them after my knee ops.

I agree that you will probably never know if the grief triggered off the arthritis with a vengeance. It was probably lurking there anyway. OA does not come on that quickly always. Having problems with hip(s) can cause problems with knee(s) because of the way one starts to walk to get around, knowingly or unknowingly. OA can be hereditory, my mum has it and has had a hip and knee op.

Chin up, you are doing so well,

Gentle hugs
Elna x

dreamdaisy

Hello harleyquin, it is lovely to meet you and I hope we can offer encouragement and support.

I am so sorry to read of the sudden death of your husband, what a dreadful shock that must have been. I do not have any wise words to offer in comfort but I do recall a quote from The Prophet by Gibran, 'The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.' The time for joy will come.

I suspect that the onset of your arthritis is co-incidental. OA is a very common condition but as with all forms of arthritis it thrives on stress. I know that mine feel worse when I am stressed or tired - and learning one has arthritis is in itself cause for grief. OA is a degenerative condition, it can spread to other joints though the rate at which it does is individual. Are you taking any pain relief or anti-inflammatories? Take care and I wish you well. DD

lindalegs

Hello Harley and a welcome from me to

I'm so very sorry you've lost your husband and I know it's something which I can't bear the thought of, the reality must be horrendous

I think grief can bring on physical symptoms of many illness and exacerbate any we already have.

In order for some mediation to be effective they have to build up in our system by taking a regular dose. Why don't you try to stick to the dose the doctor has put you on just for a few weeks and see if it eases your pain? There's no point in putting up with the pain if you have something which could help. If it doesn't then you can always stop them and go back to see your GP.

It's the codeine part of the tablet which you can become dependent on but it takes a long time of being on the medication before that happens. If it did you would be able to wean yourself off the drug by cutting down on them gradually.

(I was on a high dose of codeine phosphate last year for many months and I was able to stop them without a second thought.)

Luv,

dibdab

Hello Harleyquin, I just wanted to add a welcome and express my sympathy for your loss-to lose one's life partner is so hard, but it's wonderful to hear that you were able to take that holiday to celebrate his life-no doubt you have amazing memories to sustain you.
I believe that in order for the cocos to give you best relief you need to take them regularly- I expresses similar concerns to my GP when I was really struggling and she encouraged me to maintain the level in my system in order to get the greatest relief-as she said "it's about quality of life and they are there to give you greater quality by dampiing down your pain."
I really do hope they work for you.

Blessings

Deb x

harleyquin

Thank you all so much for your kind welcome and condolences on my loss.

I have learnt so much from you all today, and i will now be taking my cocodomols regularly, rather than wait until the aching is unbearable.
Hopefully I will feel better about things if the pain is controlled better.
I am in the process of having my bathroom converted to a wet room, as it was becoming almost impossible to get into the bath to use the overhead shower, once my hips went, so despite the added stress of the work being done, I know it will be wonderful when it is finished and i can shower every day and feel human again.

Thank you all again so much.

Harley X

dreamdaisy

I had a major coughing fit on Monday and pulled some muscles on the right hand side of my rib cage: I have had to really increase my coco intake, I usually manage on just four a day, but now it's eight in 24 hours and they are making a difference not only the ribs but everything else too! I am also taking one anti-inflammatory daily, and that is also helping. It's termed 'getting ahead of the pain' and it's a useful tool in our armoury.

It takes time to sort out what is helpful for you as an individual, we are all different in how we cope, with what we need, in how we react to the meds etc. As for the wet room - well, let me know when it's done and I'll pop round! DD

Numptydumpty

Hi Harleyquin, and welcome from me too.
I am very sorry to hear of your sad loss.
I have RA, and I know stress makes it much worse. I would imagine such a shock could have brought on your arthritis.
The people on this forum are lovely, and very supportive. I look forward to seeing you post in the future.
Wishing you well,
Numpt

Colin1

Hello again harleyquin, sounds like your really positive about things and have a great family around you hope things get better for you soon sounds like your getting emotionally stronger by the day.
Colin

salamander

Hi there, my experience is not dissimilar, except I have RA which started just weeks before my mother died of septic arthritis. My mother was quite badly disabled by OA and had other health complications, however, her death was sudden. It was a huge shock, to deal with my own illness (I wasn't fully diagnosed at the time and had just come out of hospital) and my mother's death.

My consultant has never thought there was a correlation between stress and the onset of the disease, contrary to other views from other doctors. I found this reassuring as, though my mother was responsible for a lot of things, I didn't her to be responsible for my illness. That would have been really hard to deal with.

I am really sorry you have both lost your husband and developed arthritis. It is difficult to come to terms with both but you will, with time, and I hope you get the support and treatment you need.
Best wishes.

tillytop

Hello Harleyquin.

I was so terribly sorry to read your story and I can't begin to imagine how difficult things must be for you. I am sure that grief and stress affects our health in general but whether or not it was the trigger for your arthritis you will probably never know. You sound as if you are an incredibly strong person and I am full of admiration for the way you seem to be managing.

I am pleased you are able to make some adaptations to your bathroom to make things easier for you and hopefully by taking the co-cos regularly they will keep the pain under better control. I do understand your worries about becoming addicted and, if you continue to be concerned it might be worth talking to your GP about it. Recently I needed to stop the co-co because it was upsetting my stomach hugely and the doc prescribed Oromoroph (liquid morphine) instead. He said to me that, although people were often concerned about taking oromorph because it "sounds more drastic" it was actually potentially less likely to be addictive than the co-cos and also potentially gentler on the stomach. And for me it is far preferable to the co-cos in terms of side effects. It may not be appropriate for you but thought I would mention it just in case.

Thinking of you.

Tillyxxx

traluvie

Hi and welcome from me too,

Your death of your husband was obviously a tremendous shock and like the others said stress can aggrivate situations.

For me my OA became apparent when my inflammatory arthritis started. It was as if someone had passed it on to me like a bug, just out of nowhere.
Our bodies are mysterious at the best of times and we even manage to baffle doctors too, so i don't think you will ever find a right answer.

Getting your pain meds sorted will be a good start, talking to your gp again about this and see if anything else can be done to help you feel a bit better.

Wish you well and keep posting and let us know how you are..

PDS

Hello harleyquin,

I can sympathise with you as I lost my wife 18 months ago.

She was ill for almost 4 years before she died and I am sure my latest arthritis problems started around the time she was diagnosed.

Together with bereavement I am still carrying, the arthritis is becoming impossible to bare.

Sorry to winge.

Paul

lindalegs

PDS wrote:

Hello harleyquin,

I can sympathise with you as I lost my wife 18 months ago.

She was ill for almost 4 years before she died and I am sure my latest arthritis problems started around the time she was diagnosed.

Together with bereavement I am still carrying, the arthritis is becoming impossible to bare.

Sorry to winge.

Paul

Just want to say Paul I'm so sorry you've lost your dear wife We're all here if you need to talk.

Luv,

MissKat

Hi Harleyquin,

My Arthritis came on suddenly and I sooooo wanted a reason as to why it had happened to me... my consultant reeled off a list of things that can trigger Arthritis... stress, food poisoning, grief... and all of these things had happened to me in the previous few months! I'd been abroad with work on a stressful job and caught food poisoning whilst I was there, then when I returned to London my Granny passed away... triple whammy.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and to all those who have written in this thread... it's not a nice trait to share, but a comfort we can empathise with non the less...

Love to all x o x o

harleyquin

Thank you all once again for your kind words, condolences and advice.

Paul, I am so sorry for your loss too.

I think I have amazed myself in how strong I am ...or have had to become.
I always thought that without my husband i would fall to pieces, as I was so dependant on him for a lot of things, but I think he would be proud of me and what i have achieved (he was very much a hands on person, could turn his hand to anything, so now I have had to find skilled workmen to do jobs that he would have done easily)

Having a close family has definately helped me too, they do take good care of me, and I know I'm extremely lucky to have such good kids.

Maybe the OA was always going to happen in the end, the grief and stress just activated it sooner.

Thank you again, you are all such lovely people.

Harley X