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not sure id i can have kids

elishapearcexelishapearcex Member Posts: 48
edited 12. Nov 2012, 08:45 in Young people's community
Me and my partner really want a family but I'm not sure if I'm able or if the kids would also gain arthritis, any advice I'd be grateful
live life to the full and done let anything bring you down!!!!

Comments

  • NiknakNiknak Member Posts: 44
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hey Hun, hope you are okay, I don't have this terrible illness my self but my 4 year old daughter does. I hope you can have a children sweetheart and was just wondering is this concern linked to medication you may be taking. I don't think because you have this illness it guarantees your children will. I know it can be genetic and understand your concern. I have two children unfortunately one has this awful illness and it isn't in my family. Where as my friend has rheumatoid arthritis but her children don't. I don't know if this helps you hun
    Always here to offer caring support xxxx chrissy
  • stickywicketstickywicket Member Posts: 26,003
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It’s good that you’re thinking ahead, elishapearcex. I had my two sons years ago when the thinking was that there was no hereditary factor at all. I believe now they think that, with auto-immune diseases (if yours is auto-immune – mine is) we pass on a ‘tendency’ ie, if our children meet with the right/wrong ‘trigger factors’ they will get the disease.

    I got lucky. My two both had mild asthma and allergic rhinitis as kids (me too) but no arthritis at all. However, I’ve not necessarily escaped scot free. These things can skip a generation and I’d be devastated if I’d passed it on to my beloved little grandson.

    Some forum members have deliberately remained childless because of the dangers which must take a lot of unselfishness. I don’t know what I’d do if I had my time again. I’m an optimist so I might try to tell myself that (a)it wouldn’t happen and (b)they’d soon have a cure out even if it did. But I know they kept telling me they were ‘on the verge of a cure’ 45 years ago. It hasn’t happened yet.

    Take all the expert advice you can get but don’t trust google. I hope you come to the decision that is right for you.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,567
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello elishapearcex, I don't know what to say apart from replying with my experience. This is a very personal area and one on which I feel very, very strongly.

    I remember going to see my GP when I was sixteen and asking about the risk of passing on the eczema and asthma which had so blighted my life. He cheerfully assured me that my children would 'probably' be OK but any grandchildren 'probably' wouldn't. My parents both dodged the genetic bullets they so thoughtfully gave to me (albeit in ignorance, in the 50s no-one understood the possibility) and I decided to refuse to do the same in light of the the then 'new' medical knowledge. Mind you, everyone knows that these things can run in families so it's hardly rocket science.

    Not having children was one of the better choices of my life - I was denied the choice of not having the auto-immune troubles of my damnéd existence and I take comfort in that I've spared someone else the experience of this rubbish. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • suzygirlsuzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi, you don't say if you have an auto immune arthritis or OA. Autoimmune diseases tend to run in families. Diabetes, thyroid problems and other diseases.

    It depends on how well your family copes with illness I suppose. It is a highly emotive, personal decision,. I was diagnosed after the birth of my children. I had difficult pregnancies and many medical problems arose from this. Both children have medical issues. My youngest has had life threatening complications.

    I have to be honest if I knew I could possibly pass on an AI disease, I would never have had children. However I did unknowingly have 2wonderful boys who have bought me many hours of pleasure.

    At the end of the day only you can decide what is right for you. You just have to be sure that you can live with your decision.
  • NiknakNiknak Member Posts: 44
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I just wanted to say if I were reading these posts and I was considering having a child with this horrible illness the posts would scare me witless. I also wanted to say that many auto immune illnesses start with the official medical phrase idiopathic which means they don't know what causes it and say it can be genetic but if they knew for sure there official term would not include the word idiopathic. My daughter has juvenile Arthiritus official name juvenile idiopathic Arthiritus . Of course it is an informed decision to decide to have a child with this illness. But no one knows for sure why the auto immune illness happens in the first place. They say heart disease can be hereditary diabetes etc they say every illness known to man can be hereditary.
  • stickywicketstickywicket Member Posts: 26,003
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I don't think there are any 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts' here, HighandLow. It's just a matter of acting responsibly and taking all things into consideration.

    I wouldn't wish RA on my worst enemy let alone my beloved sons and grandsons.

    It's a decision we all have to take for ourselves after getting all the information we can.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • Loulou11Loulou11 Member Posts: 86
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I have had RA since the age of 2 and after much advice and soul searching decided I would like children. After speaking to my rheumy he advised me to have my children young due to the fact that as I got older my RA would need more medications that could harm a foetus. I am proud to say I have to beautiful daughters whom are now young adults and both do not have RA. Only you can decide what's best for you xx good luck xx
  • d3r2000d3r2000 Member Posts: 19
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You can always adopt even though I realise having your own is special, if you did you might want to get a c section instead of natural birth. Remember to go through with it with your doctor so you can be off the medications entirely while you conceive all the way till you give birth since the medication affects all of that. The pain element can be overcome with so many measures, taking career breaks and having helping hands when you are pregnant getting advice which month you need to be off your feet and having the care and appreciation for that adversity that is faced. Loads of people who do have arthritis do conceive and do bear children, so you are not alone.
  • d3r2000d3r2000 Member Posts: 19
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    With reproduction every human is likely to get some odd genes just because you suffer from an illness doesn't mean your children will take a look at your siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts they are probably fine. Your child will get half of your partners so many genetic measures are taken to take them out plus when reproduction does occur, mutations are corrected in the reproduction phase. Plus doctors aren't 100% if arthritis is inherited the likelihood of getting it does seem to be but the actual factors which make the illness occur are not understood yet.
  • howellandrewhowellandrew Member Posts: 15
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    If you are suffering from arthritis it doesn't mean your children are also suffering from this disease. So don't worry, just consult your doctor and find detailed information.
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