Dummy Spitting Competition

stickywicket

I am pleased to announce the inaugural Forum Dummy Spitting Competition. Anyone may enter. The format is that we each post our reasons for dummy spitting and at some stage we might even get round to evaluating them but probably not because the essence of dummy spitting is self-absorption so no-one will be very interested in anyone else's .... er .....achievements.

Right, I'll go first. I'm brassed off because of continuing problems with both feet. Mr SW discovered some new strangeness under the bony lump of the left one this morning when I asked him to look at a different bit that was hurting. The right one's playing up because one pair of shoes doesn't support the instep at all They're going back to orthotics tomorrow, which leaves me wearing the other pair until such time as they deign to get them back to me. This other pair hurt the bony lump they created on top of my right foot (Well, at least it's the other foot) and the only way to stop them hurting it is to have them so slack that they give me instep problems too. And, because it's hot and I have to wear them with socks, I feel like I'm treading water today.

Right, that's my entire supply of dummies spat onto the floor. I guess the essence of a Dummy Spitting Competition is that the most trivial complaint should win so I have to be in with a chance. Over to you lot.

tillytop

Ooh Sticky this sounds like fun! (athough I am very sorry for the reason behind your - absolutely not trivial - dummy spitting and hope you can get your orthotics sorted quickly this time).

Well, I was just gearing up for a good ole dummy spit about my potentially stress fractured shin and the fact that I can't seem to get anybody medical interested enough to investigate beyond "we know you have osteoporosis anyway so it doesn't matter if you have a stress fracture" :roll: when the post came -and guess what - I have an MRI scan appt for Sunday (yes, Sunday :shock: ). So that well and truly took the spit out of my dummy - in fact I almost choked on the flippin' thing - and I am fairly sure this change in circumstances means my immediate disqualification from the contest .

Tillyxxx

mig

I have spit several dummies,spent 6 weeks waiting for gastro appointment that they hadn't received a request for,so back to waiting,sick as a parrot.Mig

dreamdaisy

Psoriasis in the top of my left ear. Trying to apply the Dovobet in that wiggly area ain't easy especially when wearing the working splints. :roll: DD

tjt6768

ok, my piddly attempt..
Found ANOTHER thing to talk to the rheumy about.. My scalp is really sore, the usual meditated shampoo hasn't calmed it down.. I've been scratching it, like an idiot, but been unaware I'm doing it. It's weeping like a teenage girl that's just been dumped by her acne faced idiot boyfriend..
:roll:

barbara12

Oh do I need a dummy spit...
The NHS...well our trust..in the last year I have had to ring for 6 out of 8 appointments...for gods sake what is going on do they think you will forget about them when you are in blinking pain....I am now waiting for 2 more appointments one was for 6 weeks it is now 8 weeks ...so its seems like I will have to ring again....Im going bald here pulling my hair out... :shock:
He I feel better already....

stickywicket

Dear Tilly, you are automatically disqualified anyway. There is nothing remotely trivial about a cracked rib (whatever the medics tell you) or even a potentially cracked one. I'm so pleased you have your MRI though. Will it be another B&Q job, like Barbara's was?

Mig - same as Tilly, I'm afraid. Waiting for appointments that don't come - especially gastro - is high on my list of non-trivia. You must do worse next time.

DD - you're closest as (a)you could remove the splint(s) or (b)ask someone else to insert their finger in your ear. No, being alone is no excuse. Go out into the street and grab a passing (and no doubt very surprised) stranger. However, trivial as these pathetic excuses were, your basic problem of psoriasis is not trivial a all.

Tony - what do you mean 'like an idiot? Again, the sore scalp is a genuine problem. Now, if it was you, rather than your scalp weeping like a teenage girl etc etc, I might be prepared to consider this as trivial since we all know you're rock hard. Nul points, I'm afraid.

Barbara - Please don't pull any more hair out or you will need yet another appointment that you will have to ring about. This is very serious. It sounds as if the NHS is itself in need of some strong meds in your area. Far too serious to win this trivial comp.

Ergo, I'm still in the lead.

mig

Well if you gonna make up your own rules i'm not playing.Stick that in your mouth and spit it. :shock: Mig

tillytop

Oh Mig you do make me laugh!

Thanks Sticky - but tis me shin wot's potentially fractured, rather than me ribs this time round. :roll: No, not B&Q unfortunately - altho' I think Mr TT would like that cos he could amuse himself with man-type DIY shopping while he waited for me

Tend to agree with Mig tho that you are very good at making up the rules - mind you it is your competition so that's probably ok.

Seriously though Sticky, really hope you can get your shoes/orthotics sorted really soon.

Tillyxxx

bubbadog

Here's my entry to the comp!:-

As you know still poorly with what we think is a flare up (been going for a month now so not sure!) Well spoke to my G.P on Monday and she said she wanted to speak to me again on Friday due to being on Oro-morph so this morning I rang the G.P's surgery to book my phone consultation with my G.P to find she is off on holiday till the 2nd week in August! Well I was confused for a minute she was the one who asked me to call her! Had she forgotton she was going away? Then the receptionist said 'she broke up on Monday'! Luckily the receptionist I was speaking to is a friend of mine and said Mandy (Friends call me Mandy!) I think Dr.Clarke (G.P's name) would want you looked after and if she wanted you to have a phone consultation I think you should speak to another G.P. So I plumped for the G.P under Dr Clarke who knows me fairly well. But it would help if G.P's knew when they are away on their holiday's!! Spit's dummy out!

Northstar

My entry would have to be for the arrogant consultant who does not look at you when talking to you. Either their head is in the sky whilst scratching it in thought or with it buried in your notes.

They start verbalising their thought process right through anywhere from a new hip to a new head, to your going to explode in the next hour, but oh no not to your face to the junior doctor stood next to them and sometimes with their backs to you. When you try to ask any questions its the standard answer of "well we need to run some more bloods and some further tests first" No chance of any of your fears being alleviated but a good chance of another prescription to add to your collection along with some likely side effects!!

Before you know it he's out of the room leaving some gormless junior saying he will arrange the tests, but if you've heard nothing in 4 weeks contact the secretary. Oh the confidence.

Dummy well and truly launched!!!

Thank you stickywicket all this is doing more than any of the meds right now. XX

LignumVitae

May I add an entry? Snoring.

Yes a super snoring husband means that those wee hours when I am supposed to be resting and making all this mess of a body better I am up listening to something that is a cross between Darth Vadar and a dirty phone call. Response to complaints: there is nothing I can do.

I spat my dummy so far it is somewhere near the end of the street.

stickywicket

Bubbadog – a fair attempt. It does, indeed, tick the ‘trivial’ boxes, given that you were well-catered for in the end but if your GP did actually say SHE wanted to speak to you on Friday rather than WE or ONE OF US, your complaint does have some real foundation so I’m afraid you’re out of luck this time.

Northstar – the arrogant consultant. Tricky one, this. Yes, they can sometimes seem as if they’re more interested in relaying stuff to their juniors, or the nurses or even their dictaphones but it is just as important for our welfare that these people/notes know the score as much as us. The junior might be the guy treating you next time. Or, wielding a knife about your person. He needs to be clued up. Let them finish and then ask your questions. And keep asking if the answers raise more questions. It works for me. Not a winning dummyspitting distance on this occasion, I'm afraid.

LV – the snoring spouse! Oh LV you have my sincere empathy if not the winning trophy. The irritation is compounded when they insist that they couldn’t have been snoring because they haven’t been asleep yet . I find a poke or kick helps, if only as a method of anger management on my part. A well-aimed entry.

Oooh mig That was a dummyspit of the highest order A veritable Olympian dummyspit :shock: . Congratulations! Undisputed winner. First prize of a liquid-filled teething ring that will cool in the freezer. Apply it to whichever bit of anatomy needs it most

mig

yeah i've won something at last.Mig

Numptydumpty

ROUND TWO.

I've got a cold. Not the flu, not a chest infection, just a cold!
JUST a cold, my entire head is full of snot. :shock:
My throat is sore, and I've got a headache.
I don't get colds, in fact this is my first one for at least four years!
I'm getting no sympathy from my family, because they're used to having colds. Well I'm NOT!
I have to spit my dummy out because I can't breathe with it in.
Yours wretchedly,
Numpty

dreamdaisy

You need a port and brandy Numpty. I like having a cold because Mr DD makes one of these little beauties for me. Sip slowly in the 30 minutes before bed - I swear it helps me sleep. Colds ARE miserable and I hope it clears up soon.

If I could spit my dummy I would but as that will hurt my rib too much I just open my mouth so it falls out. :? That somewhat lacks dramatic effect. DD

stickywicket

Oh Numpty, that is serious dummy-spitting territory.

I like DD's advice. In fact, I like it so much, I swear I can feel a sneeze coming on. My own remedy runs on similar lines. An 'aunt-in-law' introduced me to it shortly before she became my aunt-in-law - whisky, warm water and sugar. I soon dispensed with the sugar, and the warm water is optional but the rest of the recipe is excellent.

A further thought occurrs to me. You could try a sex change. Only women get colds. It is a well-known fact that men - especially butch sportsmen - never get colds, only the more cossetting-demanding flu. Colds can be tolerated: flu must be nursed. They even get 'a touch of flu' which usually disappears by opening time. You, though, are a woman and therefore have merely a cold so it will be quite in order for you to cook, clean and generally look after the other household members as per usual.

Go for the 'medicinal' solution, Numpty. Either it'll help or it'll take you far from caring - about cold, flu or housework.

But please stop spitting those germ-ridden dummies at the rest of us

Numptydumpty

Hmmm, it seems to me that alcohol is the recognised cure for a cold. That's probably why I don't get them very often
You're a hard woman stickywicket.
I thought I had this one in the bag. :roll:
I think a sex change would be a little extreme as a cold cure.
Mind you I first read that as " you could try sex for a change ", I thought that was a little extreme too.