why did i bother

valval

well dad been ill while away at my brothers. well came back today and first thing he said was you have put on weight then you look ill so was glad to have gone up to see him lol. i thought i had lost some silly me lol

Numptydumpty

Oh Val, I know what you mean!
When I first got my hair cut short, I went to see my mum She said "Crikey it is short, I shouldn't think you'll go there again will you?"
Hmph I thought it looked nice.

valval

thanks this made me smile lol parents who would have them

dreamdaisy

Parents are a law unto themselves. My Ma comes out with the most upsetting and hurtful things whilst being blissfully unaware that what she is saying coud be construed as unkind rather than 'helpful' (which is what she claims to be aiming for). It's not easy to hear, answer or understand. DD

valval

i just said thankyou for that. what else could i say he still is not 100% so could not upset him will be happier after he seen doc on thursday

frogmorton

You gotta say 'bless him'

Parents can be so insensitive can't they....maybe we are with our kids :shock:

Hope not though Val :?

Hope he does ok I really miss my Mum and Dad still most days

Lovely to see you

Toni xxx

Avrielle

Oh dear. My mother is the most horrid, evil creature on the planet! The reason I have cut all ties with her.

Let me give a couple of examples of what she does.

My mother seperated from my father when I was young. I don't really remember him. All I have ever had to go by when it comes to my father is what my mother told me and according to her he was a druggie and deadbeat and a liar and cheat. However, my father had tried to contact me a couple of times in my life, despite a restraining order put on him against me and my mother. He was very careful though, but he never got to see or speak to me. All he wanted was to see his daughter, or speak to her, or know her. Being young I wasn't really aware of how restraining orders exactly work, as in I wasn't aware that the restraining order on me and him was lifted when I turned 18 and became an adult. So, when I was 18, my mother said rather emotionlessly that my father had died and that it was to do with taking drugs. Not knowing my father, I just took it as neither good nor bad and very little grieving other than I had lost my chance to see my father. However, about a year ago, my gran phoned me to tell me that she had seen my father and was asking for a contact number for me so he could see me. Apparently he has a wife and two children. Very nice people apparently. Of course I was shocked and when I said "It can't be, he's dead" my gran simply said "Oh, your mother tell you that? And you believed her?" *Groan*

Another thing my mother did which caused me to finally severe every tie with her and reach the conclusion of just how heartless she is.... My dear Gran died at the beginning of this year. I swore to myself, ever since I was about 13-14 that I would visit her grave, and go to her funeral. I have never done either for anyone due to a fear. Not sure what the fear is exactly, but have had it for a long time. So, when I hear that Gran has gone, my mother tells me that all the family are travelling up together to the funeral and asked in a flat voice if I wanted to go. I knew she only asked because she *had* to. But I said yes. The plan was to travel up in my aunties car, along with a couple other cars for other people too. That night I get a phone call from my mother saying that my aunties car had broken down and that I couldn't go. I couldn't travel there by myself because it would be very costly! I asked her how she was going and she said she would have to dip in to her savings and travel. I knew there and then that it was all bull! But my mother made me feel so outcasted and so rejected and she clearly didn't want me to get there, that I ended up staying behind and not going to the funeral. Of course, I was questioned by my auntie afterwards why I didn't go. *Sigh*

My mother has trodden me in the ground so many times that I can not even engage a conversation with her without her leaving me feeling violated somehow and utterly defeated...

She has done some terrible parenting. I'm only thankful that I'm an only child, so she hasn't messed up any other persons life like she has with mine.

So, be thankful for your parents. When they say something hurtful, just remember that it can't be as bad as the hurtful things that my mother has said and done to me. (Unless it is, then I truley give you my sympathies.)

valval

to be honest it did hurt my feelings but he is not a horrid person and i love him loads it was a horrid top with hoops on i blame that lol he has been having speach problems so will put it down to that and give him hug when see him tomorrow mind you it about 8.30 am so wont be in best mood takes couple of hours to get moving val

frogmorton

Oh avrielle

I am so sorry.

I lost both my parents now dad at 66 and Mum 5 years ago Monday just gone. I miss them, but can comfort myself that they did their best.

I hope you are going to be the best mum in the world yourself when the time comes.

Val I hope that your Dear Dad is in a better mood - yep maybe the top didn't do you any favours, but you know he loves you and i know you love him

Thinking of you both

Love and hugs

Toni xx

barbara12

Awww bless Val....I dont think he was being nasty....they just dont think sometimes...
Averielle...I am sorry you have gone through all that with your mum, I count my self lucky I had such good parents...wish I still had them..
I do feel for you...hopefully it has made you stronger x

valval

well doc says he has had minor stroke dad says he has not bless think he changing into a grumpy old man lol

valval

just had call from mum they got him in tomorrow now that is quick they just got to get over to doncaster

stickywicket

If he has had a minor stroke (and I think the GP probably knows better than your Dad on this) it could account for it, Val. My Dad had several. Sometimes he was just a bit disoriented and did say inappropriate things, sometimes he was a bit wobbly on his pins for a while, sometimes - when playing Scrabble - he'd try to spell a word backwards. These little mini-strokes are odd things but I think one would easily explain his behaviour.

By the way, there's a difference between having a stroke and being a grumpy old man. My Dad had strokes: Mr SW is the grumpy old man

barbara12

I will be thinking about you all and hope it all goes well for your dad...bless they are precious....xx

valval

stickywicket wrote:

If he has had a minor stroke (and I think the GP probably knows better than your Dad on this) it could account for it, Val. My Dad had several. Sometimes he was just a bit disoriented and did say inappropriate things, sometimes he was a bit wobbly on his pins for a while, sometimes - when playing Scrabble - he'd try to spell a word backwards. These little mini-strokes are odd things but I think one would easily explain his behaviour.

By the way, there's a difference between having a stroke and being a grumpy old man. My Dad had strokes: Mr SW is the grumpy old man

it helps to know it was not just him being pain he was having lot of trouble finding words he wanted after trip to doc glad my brother doing doncaster tomorrow bless him

frogmorton

Thinking of you Val :?

Fingers crossed for you all

Love

Toni xxx

valval

frogmorton wrote:

Thinking of you Val :?

Fingers crossed for you all

Love

Toni xxx

thankyou am on tender hooks not sure why have had headache from hell this morning not heard anything as yet hope no news good news but do not feel it will be ((())) to all val

Avrielle

Oh Val, I'm so sorry. I want you to know that I did not mean to be insensative about this in my earlier post. My mother and I have a abd relationship, but I truely hope your father is ok. xxxx

valval

Avrielle wrote:

Oh Val, I'm so sorry. I want you to know that I did not mean to be insensative about this in my earlier post. My mother and I have a abd relationship, but I truely hope your father is ok. xxxx

you were not insensitive i loved that you posted and shared thankyou .
he has no site in right eye so it more or less def stroke my brothers want mum and dad to move into bungalo but mum has always said she does not want to it to early for her to cope with that now she not over loosing her sister last week with out loosing her home men why do they feel they know it all and you should do as they say when they say gggggrrrrrr.
thanks for messages dad got scan next week they do not hang about bless them could not ask for better treatment val

Christimay

Your post made me smile, as that was the kind of things my dad used to say to me,hope your dad is feeling better, you just have to take these comments in your stride xxxx.



Averille your post was so sad your mum doesn't know how lucky she is to have you, like you I was an only child, and that was lonely enough sometimes without your mum making it harder for you, if you ever need someone to talk with just let me know. Wish I could wrap my arms around just to let you know someone cares. Xxx

Avrielle

Aww. It's just the way my mother is. I don't think she ever really accepted me as her daughter. When my mother was pregnant with me she denied any evidence of it right up until the day I was born. And it was a few days until she actually looked at me. My gran was supposed to adopt me, but back in those days where we lived, it wasn't as simple as these days in built up areas with aid of social services and civil courts.

So my mother kept me, for the single reason in her head that she thought I was too much of a burden to put on anyone else.

Some terrible stuff has happened, sure, but it wouldn't make me who I am today without it. She can still flatten me with a single word, but I'm so much stronger now after battling my depression and breaking my ties with her. These days I take no bull from anyone. I know my rights, I intend to use them to get me through life. I refuse to be stepped on, and I refuse to let myself spiral backwards into depression again. If I do see my mother (she works at local hospital, so not always easy to avoid her) I just keep my defenses high and refuse to let her bully me. Doesn't mean that she never succeeds, but I know I'm strong enough to let it bounce off me now.

So, I suppose its a good thing as well as a bad. But I can never forgive her for what she has done to me over the years.