The short tale of Sir Pippin

tjt6768 · 25. Jul 2012, 21:01

Picture the scene dear friends..
Inside the majestic castle of shindig.. In the great hall. A vast vaulted ceiling and at the very front the throne of King Bellyflop.. The greatest King that ever lived in the whole of the seven Kingdoms of mischief..
The hall is full of maidens, both fair and erm.. Not so fair... Knights from each Kingdom, Princes and gentry...
All there to witness our brave hero Knighted...

As the King raises the sword of powdered milk from our young hero's shoulders he utters the words..
Arise Sir Pippin of Squeak.. For today this Kingdom owes you gratitude beyond words.
For you and only you have managed to do the impossible. You have entered the dreaded cave of vitriol and done the impossible.
By now the young Knight is standing, his armour two sizes too big for his scrawny frame. His helmet keeps taking over his eyes...

The King speaks again...
You, my brave young friend have managed (mumbles to himself.. I have no idea how) to slay the beast...

Sir Pippin starts to chuckle.... Snigger...

Something funny? The King asks
I'm sorry your highness... Chuckle.. I thought for a minute you said SLAY the beast.. Snigger...

Erm... What? Asks his highness..

It's just I thought that you had said SLAY your majesty..

The King is beginning to look confused... He is perplexed..
Erm.... Pippin.... What did you do??

Well sir,(beaming with pride) you know... Ahem... (rolls back n forth on his heels like some coy young maiden) I erm.. Starts thrusting his loins wildly back and forward.. I... Bowchikawowowww...
Laid the beast.. Nudge nudge wink wink, say no more, say no more,a nods as good as a wink...

By now the King's blood has begun to boil in his toes, traveling up his body until his face turns beetroot...
His voice booms through the hall...
By the Gods of Metro what the hell have you done?

Well sir, at first it was a bit, well, weird but then quite nice actually..
Beryl said I was rather good at it.. The pride is beaming once again...

The King has slumped back into the throne, with his head in his hands he whispers.. What have you done... How? Why?
Then he shouts so loud Pippin's helmet spins around his had several times..
YOU IDIOT.. I TOLD YOU TO SLAY THE DRAGON....... GGRRRR

Ooh, no sir, we dint use the D word, Beryl says it's racist...

The King has a look of utter bewilderment on his face..
WHO IS THIS BERYL ANYWAY?

Well sir, she's the love of my life.. The biggusghekoflamuss.. That's latin sir, for great flying for breather of the skies.
Actually her full name is.. Beryl the great breather of fire and last of the great winged lizards brought forth to bring destruction to all mankind.. But she prefers just Beryl..

I'll go get her, you will really like get sir, she's just outside the door.
He spins on his heels and heads towards the great doors..

The Kings voice echoes through the castle

GUARDS... KILL HIM, KILL HIM NOW....

SCHWINGGGG, LOPPPPP, THUD.
And that my friends, is the story of Pippin..

mellman01 · 26. Jul 2012, 04:47

You are dafter than a bag of spanners mate one of life true loons and long may you contiune to be so as you make me chuckle when I'm down and all soft and southern, and despite the pain you have you never let life get you down and your ARD AS FECK as well so I'm not going to argue with you ya Northern nutter!.

Numptydumpty · 26. Jul 2012, 04:48

Ha I was just getting into that, and you went and killed him!

Couldn't he somehow survive, then we could have "Sir Pippin rides again."
Great stuff Tony, more please.

fowls48 · 26. Jul 2012, 05:43

Yes you are a nutter , i was enjoying that story , maybe you should write a book of short stories

you have a great imagination

Silly great Wazzock

tjt6768 · 26. Jul 2012, 05:46

thank you both for your kind words..
I'm afraid my dear Numpty, that I did say it was a short tale.....
That is the end of our delinquent Knight...

OR IS IT :?:

knuckleduster · 26. Jul 2012, 07:03

Very, very funny, but I've got a dear old tortoise called Pippin and your rotten King had better not have him killed. He very nearly died during our cold wet Spring - wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink and he
eventually had three nights B&B at the Vets. Thriving now.

Keep sending the stories.

Janet xx

valval · 26. Jul 2012, 07:08

now that reminded me of tales some one else used to post ???? nice story but bit short val

mellman01 · 26. Jul 2012, 07:16

OMG you don’t think Tony has been re-possessed by the ghost of rehab do you Val!?, if he has we need to get him down the local synagogue sharpish so they can perform a circumcision on him!. Well it's no skin of my nose!. :shock:

fowls48 · 26. Jul 2012, 07:42

mellman01 wrote:

OMG you don’t think Tony has been re-possessed by the ghost of rehab do you Val!?, if he has we need to get him down the local synagogue sharpish so they can perform a circumcision on him!. Well it's no skin of my nose!. :shock:

tjt6768 · 26. Jul 2012, 09:47

keep those scissors to yourself Mell..
LOL

tjt6768 · 26. Jul 2012, 12:20

thank you my dear..
Alas, I fear young soft and southern Mell may be into something.. I'm sure I was spiteri when I wrote that
Maybe with the downturn in the economy my brain has been..... Repossessed!!! :shock:
it is usually in the wee hours that the lunacy takes over.. It's like sleep-typing.. My imagination runs amock lol

fowls48 wrote:

Yes you are a nutter , i was enjoying that story , maybe you should write a book of short stories you have a great imagination Silly great Wazzock

valval · 26. Jul 2012, 13:56

well keep up the good work

tjt6768 · 26. Jul 2012, 15:48

I shall attempt to place myself in a trance like state using the leafs of a regal plant, one with magical powers...
Once in the trance I shall try to summon the spirit of the God LENHAB himself, I shall allow him to erm, enter my body :shock: :? .... Second thoughts, I think I'll just allow him access to my mind...
Thus allowing him to fill my blancmange like brain to soak up his stories and anecdotes...

Numptydumpty · 26. Jul 2012, 16:05

Whatever it takes Tony, even if it is having your body entered by some alien presence. :shock: It will be worth it,(though it might smart a bit), and we will all be very grateful.

Looking forward to the next installment,
Numpty

valval · 26. Jul 2012, 16:05

tony never let him in your mind you never know what he going to do in there pal

tjt6768 · 26. Jul 2012, 17:45

I'm just hoping that he's kind when he... Ahem... Enters me :? :oops: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I am afraid dearest Val that I'm not in any state to fight him off when I'm in a trance.. His eyes are hypnotic..

Let the legend of Lenhab and Beldoy live on within us lol

I do hope them two crazy old duffers are doing ok.

valval · 26. Jul 2012, 23:46

tjt6768 wrote:

I'm just hoping that he's kind when he... Ahem... Enters me :? :oops: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I am afraid dearest Val that I'm not in any state to fight him off when I'm in a trance.. His eyes are hypnotic..

Let the legend of Lenhab and Beldoy live on within us lol

I do hope them two crazy old duffers are doing ok.

me to miss them

The short tale of Sir Pippin

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