BAKED BEANS

Colin1
Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
edited 9. Aug 2012, 06:45 in Community Chit-chat archive
Baked Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told
him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed
by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could
stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before
I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way
home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!'

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went
to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure
was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked
through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
WHEN GOD GIVES YOU LEMONS MAKE LEMONADE

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