Exam howlers

joanlawson

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examinations.
These are genuine answers from 16- year- olds.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Joan

frogmorton

Problem is Joan I actually agreed with some of them :shock:

Love

Toni xxx

mig

some of them actually make sense!! Mig

joanlawson

frogmorton wrote:

Problem is Joan I actually agreed with some of them :shock:

Love

Toni xxx

There's one in every class, Toni

joanlawson

mig wrote:

some of them actually make sense!! Mig

Yes, you can see the reasoning behind them, can't you?

joanlawson

A few more..........

The Equator: A lion running around the Earth and through Africa.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Germination: The process of becoming a German.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin and hydrogin is gin and water.

A Skeleton: What is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

Mushrooms are umbrella-shaped because they grow in damp places.

Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

suncatcher

This cheered me up joan awake with jaw ache tonight a laugh has taken my mind off the pain for a bit thankyou from joanne

joanlawson

I'm so glad that they took your mind off the pain, Joanne. It was to distract my mind from pain that I posted them too. I hope your jaw is less painful today.

suncatcher

No still sore. Got some ibuprofen to sort it. keep sending the howlers

joanlawson

Sorry your jaw is still painful, Joanne.
Here's some more exam howlers for you:

A Level Physical Education Question:
What reasons could be given for the lack Of Asian Representation at top level football in the UK?
Answer: Asians cannot play football on religious grounds, they would have to remove their turbines.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Writing at the same times as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Gravity was invented by Issaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practised virtue. Her death was the final event that ended her reign.

Answers given in Biology exam:
Question 1: Give an example of movement in plants, and an animal that cannot move?
Answer: Tryphids & a dead cat.

Question 2: What is selective breeding?
Answer. You get your best cow. You get your other best cow. You get them to shag and you get a better cow.

Question. Is a brick a solid, liquid or gas?
Answer. Yes.

In a SATs paper a couple of years ago a child was presented with a few shapes - square, rectangle etc.
The question asked the child to name the shapes, so on the line the child wrote - Bill, James, Sarah etc
- took the question rather literally!!