hi

valval

well dad had mri and xrays it up to specialist now what treatment to give etc. but it so hard to see him dragging his leg unable to use arm right and also finding the right word but he is being so great about it all and keeps going even though i know it must be so hard when he has always been so strong to have to have others help him just wanted to post on here where will not uset anyone who knows us i feel so helpless knowing what to do to help with out making him feel usless it such a hard balance val

stickywicket

valval wrote:

he is being so great about it all and keeps going even though i know it must be so hard

Maybe it’s a case of ‘like father, like daughter’, Val.

As for ‘what to do without making him feel helpless’ – two things come to mind.

1. Isn’t it a bit like having arthritis? I’ve always preferred to pull my weight. It’s just a matter of finding ways in which I can. (I am famed for making straight for the washing up whenever I enter a house.)

2. I remember my favourite orthotist-and-surgical-shoe-maker saying to me years ago that, with stroke patients, he could tell which ones had family around and which didn’t. The ones who didn’t, recovered more quickly because they had to do stuff for themselves whereas the ones with loving families, who hated to see them struggle, made slower progress.

My advice would be to aim to err on the side of not doing too much for him but also not to watch him struggling. Just go out of the room and come back a few minutes later to see how he’s doing. And tell him how brilliant he is when he's doing well.

valval

that is sound advice thanks will remember it

mig

Hi Val,My oh had a stroke 9 and a half years ago,he has short term memory problems,can only see in front ,balance trouble and just recently we found out that his hearing had been damaged,he was in hospital for 3 weeks and then reabilitation for 3 months.One of the reasons that he made such a good recovery his doctor said that we were able to support him when needed and step back to let him do things on his own,now of course we help each other out ,he does the things i cant and i do the things he cant,our daughter helps out sometimes but we try to remember that she has a life to live,we want her to live it and not live ours.Mig ((()))

frogmorton

Hi Val

I am glad you have somewhere where you can post and talk about how you yourself are feeling.

Hopefully he is getting expert help with his speech and mobility?

But you must be so upset to see the strong man who brought you up struggling. I think he IS still that strong man and he will overcome this - if he could find the words I bet he would say how proud he is of his strong daughter too.

All my love and hugs to you Val

Toni xxx

barbara12

Awww Val
I do feel for you and I really understand how hard it can be to see your dad like this, mine lost his sight when in his 60s..and like yours was such a strong man ,and it was heartbreaking watching him trying to get around, but bit by bit we got there, and only now when I look back, he handled it much better than I did.
He will get there with all of you around him...and it is so important that you talk to us and get things off your chest..xx

dreamdaisy

He is still strong, somewhere deep-down he is still the man he was. It's a delicate balancing act of letting him re-discover that but without doing himself further harm. Subtle help is the name of the game (and a difficult game it is to master as there are no rules) but I am sure you will find a way. You are a sensible and wise woman valval, you'll do it. ((())) DD

Numptydumpty

Val, your dad is lucky to have such a loving, caring daughter as you. I'm sure he appreciates that.
It must be very hard for both of you. Follow your instincts, I'm sure you won't go far wrong.
Thinking of you,
Numpty

valval

thankyou all for your replys it lovely to have a heads up on what best we are trying to do it like this and take each step as it arrives with its own problems etc but feel more confident now mum is taking most of the strain and we are trying to make sure she has all the suport she needs with out taking over her life will call up there after hospital tomorrow always a good excuse that they do not argue with mum still making him wash dishes lol but not leting him walk to far till he moving better and we know what going on
thankyou all again val

frogmorton

Good excuse there Val

Sounds to me like your Mum is doing a very good job there. Washing up is part of life and everything he can do he needs to do doesn't he?

Still thinking of you and sending you strength.

Love

Toni xx

joanlawson

Oh dear, Val, I had no idea that your Dad had been so ill. I do apologise for not being more supportive. It does make you feel so helpless when parents are taken ill and you can see them struggling. My Dad developed dementia, so it was heart-breaking to see his mental decline. It was a very difficult time for my Mum as well.
I think that you will find the right ways to support both your Dad and your Mum, and I'm sure that they both appreciate everything that you do for them. Try not to wear yourself out though as it can be stressful and exhausting.

fowls48

Hi Val

Sorry your dad is poorly.My Mum also has dementia , so things must be pretty hard for your mum aswell .
Thinking of you .

karen xx

valval

hi went up after hospital and draged mum into town for hour just to give her a break if he has another stroke there is nothing she can do so being there 24/7 not going to help her she was much less stressed when we parted and think dad was glad of break from her for bit. still waiting for consultent app. to find out what they doing next thankyou again for posts it does help val

joanlawson

Val, you are doing the right thing in giving your Mum a break. Being a carer is draining and exhausting, so it's important for your Mum to get away from time to time.
I hope that the consultant will help your Dad when he sees him. My brother-in -law had a massive stroke when he was on holiday in Benidorm a couple of years ago, but he received excellent care there. Now he's just left with some weakness down his left side, but otherwise he's made a fantastic recovery.

valval

thanks he is improveing i know it slow and steady he will get there he has enogh fight in him val

julie47

Hi Val

I am sorry I am only just replying to this, as you know I haven't been around much and yesterday I missed this thread.

I'm sorry to read about your dad, I just want to wish him well and send you and your mum extra Hugs too (((((((((())))))))

take care
Love juliepf x

frogmorton

Just checking in on you Val

Think you are doing exactly the right things to help your Mum and Dad without taking over.

Love and support to you

Toni xxx

valval

hi he got app. with consultant at 8am friday did not know they started that early, fingers crossed and positive thoughts would be great please. i am not going because it accross in doncaster and my brother going to take them as i have work at one and might not make it back in time if he has as many tests as last time

Numptydumpty

Hi Val, I have my fingers and toes crossed, and I'm sending positive vibes to your dad. I hope all goes well on friday. 8am is very early for an appointment with a consultant!
All the best,
Numpty

valval

thabks they leaving at 8 it good 40min drive from here bless good job i not going do not get moving till 9 lol will feel better when we know more what has happened and what to do for best

Numptydumpty

Fingers and toes still crossed Val. It's awful when it's our family who are ill, we feel so helpless don't we. Hopefully you will get some good answers, to put your mind at rest a little.
thinking of you,
Numpty

valval

well dad got to have another mri on monday ???? what that all about bit worried now steve not been great and got to have bloods done again and his auntie got cancer got feeling i have killed a robin what going on was sure this year would be better not looking that great is it val

Numptydumpty

Oh Val, I'm so sorry you are no nearer with your dad, and then all this other stuff going on! I hope things get better very soon. Try not to worry too much, 'though I know that's easier said than done.
Thinking of you,
Numpty

valval

Numptydumpty wrote:

Oh Val, I'm so sorry you are no nearer with your dad, and then all this other stuff going on! I hope things get better very soon. Try not to worry too much, 'though I know that's easier said than done.
Thinking of you,
Numpty

thanks do not know if to shout scream or throw a paddy but will sort its self out val

frogmorton

Oh Val

It does sound like it's all come at once doesn't it?

The MRI is a GOOD thing so they know exactly what is going on for him and auntie will probably do really well :?

It's you I'm worried about and Steve - stay strong (((())))

Love

Toni xxx

valval

frogmorton wrote:

Oh Val

It does sound like it's all come at once doesn't it?

The MRI is a GOOD thing so they know exactly what is going on for him and auntie will probably do really well :?

It's you I'm worried about and Steve - stay strong (((())))

Love

Toni xxx

had bit of melt down this morning when brother phoned but ok now well dad was right it not a stroke there is swelling they already started treating that today. but also found something that needs another mri with dye to see more that might need op depending.
am ok now steve ok think it his blood sugar levels so should be easy to sort thanks for message it lovely to know some one cares thankyou val