what are your standards of friendship

mig Member Posts: 7,152
edited 2. Sep 2012, 06:14 in Community Chit-chat archive
To be a loyal friend no matter what fate befalls,you never know when you might want that friendship returned.Mig


  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    oops forgot to add what prompted me to post this topic,my friend of 48 years came home from work to find a note on the kitchen table from her husband he had found another woman and was off to live with her that was it no other words,she is absolutely devastated ,i invited her to come to stay as i was worried about her but she is staying with her eldest daughter,the younger one told her mum you must have done something else he would'nt have gone.How can one man cause such havoc ? Mig
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Mig this is awful ..your poor friend, I cannot begin to imagine what she is going through and then to have her daughter say that.
    I am sure she is so grateful for your support ,and I think she will be turning to you more in the very near future.x
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    That's a very sad story mig. Your poor friend must be devastated. She is lucky to have a caring friend like you.
    True friends are very hard to find, ones that will defend you, and not stab you in the back. Also friends should be honest with each other. Able to share things, especially a sense of humour.
    My best friend is my husband, I would be truly lost without him.
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I would give my husband my last rolo.
    Will post news of friend when i next speak to her,we usually skype once a month.Mig
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hmm, last Rolo? might have to think about that :lol:
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Luckily for me Mr DD doesn't like Rolos. :D Your poor friend, what an utter shock - and what a louse to do that to her. She's better off without that coward - I wonder how long it will be before he tries to come crawling back? (Clive James springs to mind, his wife is dong well to hold out against his pleas, more strength to her elbow says I. ) More often than not the grass is not greener on the other side of the relationship fence. DD
  • julie47
    julie47 Member Posts: 6,041
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I can not imagine how hurt your friend is, that is truly a mean trick what her husband has done. Thank goodness she has you as her friend.

    Love Juliepf x

    (I would also give my oh my last rolo too) :wink:
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    that is so low not to even talk it out with her. she is far better off with out some one who shows so little concern for her i can understand the daughter she will be torn between them and most love there dads and do not see there bad side. just be there for your friend she will come to need you to talk to val
    ps do not have to share my rolo steve not allowed them any more yay
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    To listen without judging. I had my best friend tell me her shocking secret last week. I could see why she had done what she had done and felt nothing but the need to hug her and make her feel better.

    Your poor friend Mig, moments like that are shattering and beyond understanding. He sounds gutless and the youngest daughter sounds horribly shocked. What a dreadful situation.

    Mr LV could have my last rolo but knowing him he would give it me back til I halved it for sharing
  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,376
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Mig your poor, poor friend, she must be really hurting at the moment. You are being a good pal to her and yet you must be upset too to watch her pain.

    Mr Legs and I share everything so if Rolos come in odd numbers we would just share that too. :wink:

  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mig, you are doing the best thing for your friend in just being there to support and help her through such a traumatic time. Having someone she trusts and can talk to in confidence means a great deal in situations like this.

    Why does her younger daughter assume that her mother must have done something wrong to make her husband leave? I'm sure she hasn't done anything. Unfortunately, it happens all the time that men stray from their wives with other women. It doesn't mean that the wife has done anything to cause it. He has definitely been very cruel in the way he has left without any warning. What a coward!

    I have a best friend of 88 in whom I can confide any problems I might have. I can tell her anything in the knowledge that it will never go beyond her. She has stood by me through thick and thin, and I try to do the same for her. That is true friendship.
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Had a call from friends daughter last night,she is taking her mum to see their soliciter,they heard he had left the country,i told her they should check out the bank as well.Mig
  • georgie66
    georgie66 Member Posts: 403
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    good job your friend has you while she is going through this horrid time
    i do feel for her as i have been through a divorce myself many moons ago..
    and everyone needs a friend..
    lucky for me i had a good friend who was there for me and i am sure your friend will need you..
    huggs going your way for both of you.((((

    my hubby could have my last Rolo but he would say you have it..

    and my best friend who helped me many moons ago is still my best friend today..
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Its hard to think of practical things when so heartbroken but that is good advice about the bank.
    I have been through similar but soon grasped my new independence and had a great time.Its a dreadful blow to be rejected like that but she will learn to feel positive again especially with wonderful friends and family support.

    I wish your friend well.

  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,376
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tody wrote:
    mig wrote:
    the younger one told her mum you must have done something else he would'nt have gone. Mig

    exactly, spot on comment, couldn't agree more!
    or alternatively - the guy has just fallen out of love, what's the big deal...

    The big deal is that she's heartbroken!
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh, so you are back again Tody. :|

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So Tody I'm guessing you are a bloke thats done the dirty on some poor innocent woman! if not shame on you,have you not heard of girl power.Mig
  • Colin1
    Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    True friends apart from Mrs C I know so many people who say they are my friend, however
    i have 2 both of them i have known all my life
    both i would give my life for
    both i would follow into war ( i did )
    both i would risk my own life for
    both would give thier life for me, they never told me that i just know it

    In a letter of thanks and grattitude for somethoing i had done one of them wrote. If his life depended on recieving an organ he would want that organ to be in my trust as he knew he would recieve it no matter what.

    My standards are very high its hard to be my friend as i expect others to be like me. and my 2 mates
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,548
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh mig :(

    I am so so sorry.

    I hope she is doing ok?

    I have a few very very close friends who I would drop anything for and have done - when one's husband died at the age of 44. Supporting another through IVF

    But they would do anything for me too. That's what friends are for.

    Your friend's husband was weak and selfish to leave her like that without an honest explanation to her face.

    What goes around comes around.


    Toni xx
  • Petitesse
    Petitesse Member Posts: 62
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    How awful for your friend, mig. She is lucky to have a good friend in you though.

    I'm gonna write a letter soon:
    "Dear Karma,
    I have a list of people you have obviously missed! .... " :wink:

    I can put his name on it too!
    It must be difficult for her that her daughter thinks she did something to deserve this. I can imagine very few things that will make you deserve only a note on the kitchen table as a goodbye. That sounds very cowardly!

    Regarding standards for friendship that is difficult to say. Not all friends have to be close friends. But what I miss the most is integrity.

    I have booted all my friends after I got ill. But it was a decision that had been under way for a while.
    None of them were close friends. I was simply fed up with all the gossip and backstabbing going on between them. And the severe lack of integrity.

    After I got ill it just became more clear to me that I really needed to surround myself with good vibes and energy and clear out all the things, also people, who were draining me. I feel happy and most of all relieved after doing that. :)
  • ruby2
    ruby2 Member Posts: 423
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just seen this!
    Mig you sound like the type of friend I would want around ..well done you!
    Sorry to hear the story about your longtime friend.
    Friends are always there for you..no matter how long it is since you last communicated it feels like you only saw them yesterday...and would always return that same support in any circumstance...hope things get sorted soon.
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hope your friend is starting to cope with all of this. She is lucky to have such a good friend in you. As for her daughter, I am wondering how old she is? I left my husband because of his abuse towards me and our children. My daughter, then 16, blamed me because I didn't stay and talk about things and sort them out. She didn't know about half of what went on and, even after the way he treated her, she still loved him. He was her dad. It wasn't until years later, it all clicked in to place for her and she realised who and what he really is.