Zen and the art of arthritis

stickywicket

It’s a fact of arthritic life that sometimes it makes us miss important stuff. Today I have missed the funeral of an old friend who died, prematurely, 'in good health’. There are those people who love us and there are those people who genuinely know us – knobblywobbly bits, character defects and all - and, when the two coincide, we have something extremely valuable. That was Pauline.

My very practical, very forthright friend would have told me I was a prat for being concerned about missing her funeral. I think she would have been right. We can’t always move heaven and earth to do what we want, to get to where we want to be or even where we feel we ought to be and sometimes, for our own sake and that of those nearest us, we shouldn’t even try.

So I lit a lovely candle, given by another good friend (Yup. Two. I know, it's incredible), put on some music and thought about the good – and bad – times. And smiled because Pauline was a fellow Yorkie and didn’t do the weeping stuff.

I think what I’m trying to say is that there are times when arthritis necessitates fighting ones own body tooth and nail, and times when we need a calm, zen-like acceptance of the apparently unacceptable. And the really tough times when we need the fine judgement to decide which time this is. Fifty one years of R.A. and I’m still honing my skills.

Numptydumpty

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Good friends are indeed hard to come by.
That was a nice thought, lighting the candle, and thinking about times spent together.
Numpty

suzygirl

((( hugs ))) I totally understand, it is a pig when we have to miss things we really wanted to do. Even more so, when it involves honoring a dear friend.

I am sorry for your loss, however you did the best you could in the circumstances and it sounds as though your friend would have understood. I hope you find some peace and comfort as you mourn for your friend.

Thinking of you x

dreamdaisy

As usual you write quiet words of wisdom. It is hard sometimes, we get so used to ignoring the arthritis because we have to, we get used to getting on with things because we have no choice and then we have to accept that there are times when it has to reign due to circumstance and all we can do is be quiet. You sat and remembered the good times, you recalled your friend, you found comfort with music and a gentle flame, you honoured her. That is what friends do for each other. DD

lynnmick

so sorry to hear about your friend
friends are so precious
Lynn x

mig

Its nice to remember the good times which will battle the bad and get the upper hand.Sometimes.mega hugs (((()))) Mig

7worlds

Hey Sticky, she may not be with you anymore but she will always be your friend no matter what. neither death or arthritis will ever be able to take away your memories.


7worlds

Soretoe2

Thinking of you as you remember the lovely times you had with your dear friend, Pauline.
You were the first person to say hello and welcome when I recently joined this lovely site. I am very isolated except for my family.
I also lost my very bestest friend of my whole life last year, always thought it'd be me first somehow and I miss her every day.
I am sure your friend was very proud to be part of your life. Living on in a loved one's memory is a wonderful thing. My sincere condolences.
Blessings to you and a peaceful heart. Joy

LignumVitae

Sticky,

That was beautiful to read, thank you for putting it up here. Ceremony is one thing but the ceremony is only to provide chance for remembrance and it sounds like you did that in a personal and perfect way. Arthritis didn't stop you, it just made you think differently about how you did it.

Condolences, big hugs and lots of love,

LV xx

joanlawson

The calm zen-like acceptance you mentioned is often one of the hardest things to learn, but it does no good to be constantly in fighting mode

You must have been very disappointed to miss Pauline's funeral, but you remembered her in a very personal way which I'm sure she would have wanted.

Joan

julie47

so sorry that you have lost a dear friend and that you missed her funeral.
You did a lovely thing sticky, lighting a candle and remembering her in your own way. I am sure she was smiling down at you.

Love Juliepf x

stickywicket

Thank you, one and all, for your kind thoughts, hugs and words of wisdom. I like the idea of ‘honouring’ the dead. I think Pauline, who was very down to earth, would find it amusing but would still like it. LV, for a relative ‘newcomer’ to arthritis, you’re a quick learner. You’re right in that arthritis very often doesn’t stop us but just makes us ‘think differently’ about how to do stuff.

Thanks again, everyone. It wasn’t an easy day but it would have been much harder without you all.

dachshund

Hello Sticky
i'm sorry your dear friend Pauline died i'm sure she would understand why you missed her funeral.
take care((((((((sticky))))))))
joan xx

stickywicket

Thank you, Joan. And a few for you and Sue, too. (((())))

barbara12

Hi SW
I am so sorry to hear about your friend, but what wise words you speak, like you say she would totally understand, and Im sure she will appreciate the candle ((((((()))) some hugs and love just for you xx

stickywicket

Barbara, thank you. It means a lot.

LignumVitae

Ah Sticky, that's kind of you to say, I think I generally have an alternative form of logic to the rest of the world, arthritis or not. Arthritis has proved to me that necessity is the mother of all invention so alternative logic has been applied in a more inventive way since it came along. I hope you are feeling OK, Pauline's candle still burns bright. She sounds quite an amazing lady. LV xx

earthspirit

what a beautiful post and a gentle reminder to us all of what is important in life.

sharing what you did is part of the ritual of acceptance of death in a different way to the usual.

you have a lifelong companion in pauline and i am sure she too will be happy to walk the way with you.