Zen and the art of arthritis

stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
edited 7. Sep 2012, 15:53 in Living with Arthritis archive
It’s a fact of arthritic life that sometimes it makes us miss important stuff. Today I have missed the funeral of an old friend who died, prematurely, 'in good health’. There are those people who love us and there are those people who genuinely know us – knobblywobbly bits, character defects and all - and, when the two coincide, we have something extremely valuable. That was Pauline.

My very practical, very forthright friend would have told me I was a prat for being concerned about missing her funeral. I think she would have been right. We can’t always move heaven and earth to do what we want, to get to where we want to be or even where we feel we ought to be and sometimes, for our own sake and that of those nearest us, we shouldn’t even try.

So I lit a lovely candle, given by another good friend (Yup. Two. I know, it's incredible), put on some music and thought about the good – and bad – times. And smiled because Pauline was a fellow Yorkie and didn’t do the weeping stuff.

I think what I’m trying to say is that there are times when arthritis necessitates fighting ones own body tooth and nail, and times when we need a calm, zen-like acceptance of the apparently unacceptable. And the really tough times when we need the fine judgement to decide which time this is. Fifty one years of R.A. and I’m still honing my skills.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Good friends are indeed hard to come by.
    That was a nice thought, lighting the candle, and thinking about times spent together.
    Numpty
  • suzygirl
    suzygirl Member Posts: 2,005
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ((( hugs ))) I totally understand, it is a pig when we have to miss things we really wanted to do. Even more so, when it involves honoring a dear friend.

    I am sorry for your loss, however you did the best you could in the circumstances and it sounds as though your friend would have understood. I hope you find some peace and comfort as you mourn for your friend.

    Thinking of you x
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    As usual you write quiet words of wisdom. It is hard sometimes, we get so used to ignoring the arthritis because we have to, we get used to getting on with things because we have no choice and then we have to accept that there are times when it has to reign due to circumstance and all we can do is be quiet. You sat and remembered the good times, you recalled your friend, you found comfort with music and a gentle flame, you honoured her. That is what friends do for each other. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • lynnmick
    lynnmick Member Posts: 72
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    so sorry to hear about your friend
    friends are so precious
    Lynn x
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Its nice to remember the good times which will battle the bad and get the upper hand.Sometimes.mega hugs (((()))) Mig
  • 7worlds
    7worlds Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hey Sticky, she may not be with you anymore but she will always be your friend no matter what. neither death or arthritis will ever be able to take away your memories.


    7worlds
  • Soretoe2
    Soretoe2 Member Posts: 198
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thinking of you as you remember the lovely times you had with your dear friend, Pauline.
    You were the first person to say hello and welcome when I recently joined this lovely site. I am very isolated except for my family.
    I also lost my very bestest friend of my whole life last year, always thought it'd be me first somehow and I miss her every day.
    I am sure your friend was very proud to be part of your life. Living on in a loved one's memory is a wonderful thing. My sincere condolences.
    Blessings to you and a peaceful heart. Joy
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sticky,

    That was beautiful to read, thank you for putting it up here. Ceremony is one thing but the ceremony is only to provide chance for remembrance and it sounds like you did that in a personal and perfect way. Arthritis didn't stop you, it just made you think differently about how you did it.

    Condolences, big hugs and lots of love,

    LV xx
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The calm zen-like acceptance you mentioned is often one of the hardest things to learn, but it does no good to be constantly in fighting mode

    You must have been very disappointed to miss Pauline's funeral, but you remembered her in a very personal way which I'm sure she would have wanted.

    Joan
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  • julie47
    julie47 Member Posts: 6,041
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    so sorry that you have lost a dear friend and that you missed her funeral.
    You did a lovely thing sticky, lighting a candle and remembering her in your own way. I am sure she was smiling down at you.

    Love Juliepf x
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you, one and all, for your kind thoughts, hugs and words of wisdom. I like the idea of ‘honouring’ the dead. I think Pauline, who was very down to earth, would find it amusing but would still like it. LV, for a relative ‘newcomer’ to arthritis, you’re a quick learner. You’re right in that arthritis very often doesn’t stop us but just makes us ‘think differently’ about how to do stuff.

    Thanks again, everyone. It wasn’t an easy day but it would have been much harder without you all.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 9,161
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Sticky
    i'm sorry your dear friend Pauline died i'm sure she would understand why you missed her funeral.
    take care((((((((sticky))))))))
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you, Joan. And a few for you and Sue, too. (((())))
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi SW
    I am so sorry to hear about your friend, but what wise words you speak, like you say she would totally understand, and Im sure she will appreciate the candle ((((((()))) some hugs and love just for you xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Barbara, thank you. It means a lot.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Ah Sticky, that's kind of you to say, I think I generally have an alternative form of logic to the rest of the world, arthritis or not. Arthritis has proved to me that necessity is the mother of all invention so alternative logic has been applied in a more inventive way since it came along. I hope you are feeling OK, Pauline's candle still burns bright. She sounds quite an amazing lady. LV xx
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • earthspirit
    earthspirit Bots Posts: 278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    what a beautiful post and a gentle reminder to us all of what is important in life.

    sharing what you did is part of the ritual of acceptance of death in a different way to the usual.

    you have a lifelong companion in pauline and i am sure she too will be happy to walk the way with you.