calling a spade a spade

mig

Thought i would put this here as i didn't want to high-jack DD thread.
All of us on here have the same stuff to deal with some more so than others,but the thought of some-one kicking us when we are down is too much to put up with,just after DD posted someone else posted a not very nice or supportive reply (it has since disappeared )if you cant be nice dont bother answering ,you never know when you will want our support yourself.
Some of the people on here i class as the good friends i have never met and sadly there are some i wouldn't want to.
Okay thats me done preaching off to stoke up the cauldron.Mig

LignumVitae

Hi Mig,

Thanks for posting this, I think it was needed. I've noticed that as autumn is coming there's been some frosty comments getting posted. Luckily, as with the one you mentioned, the mods have done a great job with their disappearing spells but we shouldn't need them to, there's enough people ready to make life tricky without our supportive forum descending into that territory. I think my Mum's old retort of 'if you've got nothing nice to say then say nothing' isn't a bad idea.

LV

frogmorton

I remember posting that very post on sentence game this very week Lignumvitae

My Mum used to say it too

Wise women Mums

Love

Toni xx

Numptydumpty

Well said Mig. I noticed a particularly vicious post, aimed at someone else, fortunately that was removed too. I didn't see the post you are talking about, but agree there is no justification for vindictive posts.

stickywicket

I know nothing of the post in question, or the poster but, given the title of DD’s thread, that kind of post seems quite despicable.

We can’t help the fact that we will all empathise with some more than others on a forum such as this. Even when we feel we really like someone we don’t really know them when we’ve only ‘met’ in cyberspace.

We should always aim to be supportive and also always bear in mind that others, who might be reading what we have written, might be newly diagnosed and terrified. The last thing they need is to walk into a slanging match.

There will always be blips and hitches and I’m sure we’ve all, when in pain and frustration, posted something we regret. (I know I have but my big surgical shoes do tend to leap in where angels fear to tread.) It’s also very easy to misunderstand things so it behoves us to read carefully and give others the benefit of the doubt.

This is a good place. Let’s keep it that way. ‘Sorry’ is a very short word and easily typed even by arthritic fingers.

Right, I'm off to join mig at the cauldron. (Exits stage left, with an evil laugh and an impressive limp.)

villier

HEAR HEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........Marie xx

dreamdaisy

I don't know what has happened. Do I need to? I dunno. :roll: Thank you, Mig et al, I appreciate your support. DD

valval

we all know how easy it is to post something that does not come out as you thought it would but also how easy it is to say sorry and pm some one and explain what was ment think before you post and if in doubt do not post

knuckleduster

I think I read what you are talking about and it wasn't very nice. We all have bad days when we want to rant, rave and throw the plates around the kitchen. But we shouldn't upset the people around us, as they are the very people who pick us up when we are down.

Janet xx

ps Hubby is off motorcycling again today. I can't get my leg over these days (the seat, if you are wondering).

fowls48

Yep i agree if you have nothing nice to say then button it .Well said everyone .


Fowls xx

barbara12

I totally agree mig..I didnt see the post, but there are some very strange people out there, but I class them has very sad....x

tkachev

I haven't seen any posts removed by the moderators for ages and ages! I've been thinking how nice its been on here these past few months!

I did see a thread removed this week but that was because the moderators said it was no longer current or words to that effect.

Hope you feel better soon DD,

Elizabeth

dreamdaisy

Thank you tkachev, me too. DD

marrianne

Thankyou DD,every day what ever the weather I get myself wrapped up nice and warm counting lamp posts 7th house on the right ,your idea walk it little bit further each day seems to be working for me ,Hope you feeling better of late and if not well take heart from the good wishes of your friends old and new .Marrianne

dreamdaisy

Hey-hey! Well done Marianne, you are doing better than me my lovely, I walked far too much at the week-end so have kept it to a minimum since then to 'recover'. Tomorrow is going to be dominated by sitting which can be equally bad - sometimes we just can't win. :roll: Look after that TKR and keep counting those lamp-posts! DD

ruby2

Didn't see the offending post(not here too much now with the grandchild duties ) but my support is with many of the previous positive posts.... Your support is second to none DD keep up the good work!
Mig ...you are a legend..your posts say it all ... x

creakyowl

I mostly agree with you, Mig, plus everyone else, but I also have a bit of a ....but

Last week there was a post that upset me a lot, especially as I was about to go into hospital and had 5 hours of heart surgery on Monday for an RA problem totally outside my control. I know I looked when I got back and it had gone and that may be the one you are referring to. I know it upset many, including you, Mig and you didn't mince your words!

I agree that being unkind is totally unacceptable but I think we all need to be able to disagree sometimes without having to feel you should stay silent if you don't totally agree. What would be the point of that?

I read a lot of posts and get a lot of support from reading others, even though I'm quite shy and self-sufficient about posting/coping with my disease but I would like to feel that sometimes I could say, "actually I don't quite agree with that" and that it could be constructive. There is a fine line I think but now I'm not sure where I might stand and maybe others in my shoes might be put off now contributing. I would hate that for people who are supported by posts/posting.

Maybe I haven't expressed this very well, but don't know where you are suggesting the line is/should be. I may well have missed the post you refer to altogether anyway!

Creaky

Numptydumpty

I don't think anyone expects us all to agree all of the time. The post I saw (which has now been removed), was a personal attack on one member, this I think is completely unacceptable.

stickywicket

I think it would be utterly boring if we all agreed all the time. Debate is good. Personal insults are bad.

creakyowl

Ok, so I did miss the post being referred to. That's always the problem when you miss the post being debated. I agree, a one on one attack is totally wrong.

dreamdaisy

The post under this discussion was aimed at me and I missed it - dammit. This time last night it mattered a fair bit but over the course of the day it has mattered less. What have I learned from this 'incident' ? Not to post when I cannot hide behind humour. DD

Numptydumpty

DD, the thing is you shouldn't need to hide behind anything. You should be shown the same compassion and empathy you show to others.

skezier

Oh Mig,

In the time I have been here I have seen a fair bit of unkindness here and there but I didn't see the one your talking about and well I don't think anyone has the right to upset others really..... I just don't.

The night before's one (and Creaky the one you saw and please don't let it upset you) was kinda unthinking and I hope I an not guilty of ever doing that.

I don't think its ok to attack or be nasty and blame it on pain... we all got that and yet we don't all attack or be unkind. The forum (to me ) is a support one and not a anything goes social network one.

You know 99.9& of the posts are supportive and flower don;t let one sort of get to you. Cris xx

Oh DD been on the end of some unpleasant posts and pm's and well I know its not nice but don't let it get to you. xx

frogmella

I didn't see the post refered to either, and I have to say I am surprised. Maybe it is because I am new. I joined this forum because it is so supportive. I got fed up with the responses to some of the questions posted on the other (american) site I posted on. There were quite a lot of not very nice things on that board sometimes. I didn't see anything like that on this board.

I echo all the positive posts above, we should be able to bare our souls on here - there aren't many places where we can. DD, I hope that it doesn't make you think twice before seeking support. I know that I brood for several days before posting if I am feeling bad, and I bet lots of us do. If we have built up the courage to say how we feel we shouldn't be knocked by those that don't care.

I do agree that to disagree is fine, but attacking others is not. What is it with the web that brings out the bad?

tillytop

Hello peeps

I try really hard to keep out of forum controversy because it upsets me, like it upsets all of you. But I have been reading this thread over the past few days and I have been worrying myself silly that it may have been me who caused the upset on the threads which wasn't DDs and which were subsequently removed. If so, I am really sorry - in that particular case I was so angry and upset about what the original poster said that I, unusually for me, "bit back". I may be way off the mark here but I just want to say that, if I have upset any of you, I am really sorry.

If any of this is down to me and anyone wants to talk to me about it - please feel free to PM.

Tillyxxx

stickywicket

Dear Tilly, I can't imagine you ever causing offence or upset to anyone, deliberately or accidentally.

I didn't see the offensive post on DD's thread and have no idea who put it up. The only other thread that I am aware caused problems in the last week contained a vitriolic post directed at me as a result of the poster misunderstanding something I had written. It came, it went, it's in the past and best left there. I don't recall you putting anything on that thread. I guess you might have done but I'm pretty damn sure if you did it would be calm and measured and kindly written.

What is it about the web that brings out the bad? On the web we are all just names. We can't see the hurt we inflict intentionally or unintentionally. We don't have to live with the consequences of what we do or say: we can just move on. We don't know people on the web no matter how much we may feel we do and think we do. As such, we should be far more careful about what we say and how we say it. We probably all slip up from time to time.

I would hate the forum to become so sanitised that healthy debate was impossible but, in debate, it is the argument that is attacked not the person maintaining it.