Assertive people

mellman01

Hi tody, well you need to be able to have a list of default words or phrases in ya head, for example if someone says "you didn't make a good job of that" for example reply "in what way?", it bounces the ball back in their court and gives you thinking time, the other thing is if you feel uncomfortable with certain situations instead of avoiding them try and force yourself to do the opposite and take them on, after a while you'll become more comfortable with it.

valval

did an assertive course years ago it was taught how to say no and not be put up on must admit am quite good at it if not taken on the hop then find my self saying yes when should have said no never reply straight of with out thinking what you wish to say val

frogmorton

Good advice from mellman and Valval there

Learning to say No and finding ways of not taking things said to you personally are two excellent traits of assertive people.

Can you find an assertiveness training course in you area or buy/borrow a book on the subject?

Toni xx

valval

Tody wrote:

frogmorton wrote:

Can you find an assertiveness training course in you area or buy/borrow a book on the subject?

Toni xx

I suppose I'll buy a book on the subject, but my list of must read books is growing ever so big and I've got no time to cook myself a meal let alone read...

But it is good advice I have received. My biggest problem is that I am not assertive with women - I'd fall in love and be scared of telling them. It's a big problem - I might grow old never to have children if I don't tackle it...

Thanks for your advice once more.

it not assertive you need to be but honest if you love each other you have to be honest or it will never work to be loved is one of life's biggest pleasures be proud of who you are and know you are worth loving

joanlawson

Tody wrote:

What makes somebody assertive, which qualities, can you be hesitant and assertive at the same time?

What advice would you give to somebody who wants to become more assertive - me for example?

Thank you.

Hi Tody

I'm quite an assertive person now, but that wasn't always the case.

When I was young, I lacked confidence and often wouldn't dare to speak up for myself. However, I gradually learned that this wouldn't get me very far in life, and other people can sometimes take advantage of you if you don't assert yourself eg. the headmaster at the school where I worked in my first job was a terrible bully, and I didn't challenge him because of his position of authority. Later I realised that he had taken advantage of the fact that I was young and newly-qualified, so decided never to let that happen again. When I worked for a similar bullying headmaster years later, I stood up to him politely but firmly. The result was that he backed down and treated me with more respect afterwards.

Can you be hesitant and assertive at the same time :?:

Sometimes it pays not to rush in and say the first thing that comes into your head, especially if you feel angry or annoyed with someone. I would say to take a deep breath and count to ten before you speak; then state firmly but politely what you want to say. Never allow yourself to become aggressive or rude, as that plays into the hands of the other person. Just make it clear that you are a person with your own views, and that you won't tolerate any nonsense from anyone.

However, there's a fine dividing line between being assertive and being domineering. I don't think that many women like the latter in a man, although they don't like someone who is too weak either. Somewhere there's a happy medium.

If you fall in love with someone and it is true love, I'm sure that you wouldn't have any difficulty at all in telling her. As they say, love conquers all, and I'm sure that is true. If the love was mutual, the chances are that she would tell you first anyway ( we ladies aren't usually known to be hesitant about our true feelings ) Then all you would have to say is, ''Me too!''
Hey-Presto :!: The sound of wedding bells, followed by the patter of tiny feet :!:

Good luck :!:
Joan