How to manage people wanting to shake hands?

SorePaw

I was at a huge promotional event this morning, loads of movers and shakers, big boss types from all different organisations and despite having a really good line up of speakers they slotted in little old me, who felt like a fraud and was totally out of my depth!

However lots of people wanted to shake my hand and each time I held my hand out with a smile on my face, my brain screamed " please don't be to firm!"

Has anyone thought of a way to manage this situation without causing offence?

Thanks for any replies x

helpatpol

That is an interesting one! I was brought up to believe a firm handshake was a good thing but now due to the RA I too cringe when handshaking is expected. I try to avoid it and would be glad to hear if anyone has found a way round it. Got me thinking now!

stickywicket

I never did manage to sort this one out but, as a damage limitation exercise, I stopped wearing rings.

bubbles

I pop on my soft hand splints and say, sorry, I cannot shake your hand for obvious reasons. 8)

Fitzroy

My hurts are mostly in my hips but three years ago I got a pretty bad case of frozen shoulder. It hurt a lot. I learned there are two types of hand shakers. The squeezers who weren't too bad ( but I imagine horrible if you have RA or something else effecting the hands) and there was the flappers who tried to remove your arm at the shoulder. Those used to send me to moon in pain.

arfaitis

I always say "Please don't squeeze my hand I have RA" it always works.

Arfa

PowerOn

I slightly move my hand back as they go to clasp hands then put my left hand on top of their hand, this stops them moving your hand so much, sort of patting their hand, people who squeeze are a nightmare, recently a man squeezed my hand so hard he would have hurt anyone.
I like the idea of a bandage or splint, people react more to what can be seen.

jillyb1

I have dupuytrens , worse in my right hand than left so it's virtually impossible to shake hands nowadays ; more like wiggle my claw ! I usually just say , " sorry can't manage to shake hands . " Funniest experience though was once at a dinner , person next to me grabbed my hand before I could move it away then said loudly , " oh sorry , didn't realise you were as deformed as that . " ! Usually hide my hands beneath coat or jumper these days . Jillyb

elnafinn

Hi SorePaw

Just bumped up two old threads for you entitled Shaking Hands and Introductions.

Elna x

SorePaw

Oh thank you every one, for the replies.

I don't really feel comfortable in just saying I have sore paws and can't shake when it's big bosses and i don't really know them, or when there I a lot of people.

I know what you ran about rings sticky wicket but I'm reluctant to remove my wedding ring after not even having had it on for three years yet.

Elna - thanks for the bumps, I'll go read them.

Poweron - I like the idea of moving your hand back slightly, I was kinda offering the weakest limpets handshakes the other day in an attempt to encourage folks to do the same!

dibdab

As a anglican priest it's one I face most Sundays- I go for wearing the splints/gloves when hands are really sore and smile a lot!!!

It's always a tricky one isn't it, not to appear rude but to protect painful hands-I'm going to read those bumped up threads too-thanks!

Deb x

creakyowl

I have finger splints as several fingers dislocate now from erosions in the joints. I am also in a job where a lot of people shake hands. Usually when people spot them I make a joke and refer to them as my knuckledusters and make a joke about what will happen if they hurt me! Almost everyone backs off and laughs and so it's a win-win situation. I don't get squeezed and they end up with rapport from the self-depricating joke.

I agree, it is easier to have some visible sign of problem. I don't think anyone has ever been offended and those who have persisted and shaken hands have done so gently.

Result!

By the way, just to confirm, I haven't ever had to use them as knuckledusters.

creaky

Airwave!

As a size large, masculine version of the species everyone takes my hand and gives it a real good 'man shake' ouch! I do tell my friends not to, I say to others please 'be gentle' but it doesn't work, I have often cried out when they grab hold of my hand. Even my GP gets upset when I won't shake his hand and always tries to do it.

I have given up being embarrassed by it, if you know the answer please share it.

ruby2

Great question Sorepaw and a dilemma I am often in.
My index finger was damaged beyond repair at a funeral I attended I was given a 2 handed very enthusiastic strong shake which felt like they had broken my finger (maybe they had) the pain was excruciating and has never bent since.

The splints are a great idea I hope I remember them next time.

SorePaw

Wrist or finger sprints are probably a good way out of shaking hands, I was thinking about everyone's replies and remembered that a few years ago I broke my wrist and it was splinted for weeks, a quick flash of the splint when someone offered me their hand and the hand shaking was avoided with out any offence being caused.

It is probably the way forward.

myrtleju

I have wrist splints on both hands also 2 walking sticks ok so it is politeto shake hands but is it polite to lift your hand and smack the person with your stick? surley the hand shaker can see it is impossible

Loulou11

I usually turn my palms up and turn my body into the direction of the other person, they can then see there is a difficulty and back off a bit.they are alot more gentle without the grand convo about Arthur !! And explaining everything good luck