People who get what they want and STILL moan.

dreamdaisy

I am feeling very exercised at the moment by my BIL. He told us that he wanted no part in the admin, arrangements and wake venue, that anything we decided about that would be fine. We went to see somehwere, it has good parking and easy access for the agéd ones who will be attending (and me). The outcome? He's grumpy about our choice and is refusing to act as a taxi driver for those who may require a lift on the day. I feel like reminding him that this is HIS mother to whom we are saying good-bye and that this is not about his wants or needs. My husband is, as ever, very loyal and patient but I suspect after everything is done and dusted sparks will fly.

Why do sad events bring out the worst in some? If they feel they can't cope with what needs to be done and state they wish to leave everything to others then fine but don't complain, moan, grizzle and whine. This isn't easy for us either but he chooses to forget that. Roll on November. DD

mig

Unfortunately that's how some people are,they sit back let others do the work and then moan about it,at least you and Mr DD have done your part.Hugs to both at this trying time.Mig

salamander

Book the cabs yourself, add it into the cost and charge him his share. The day is for you and your husband to say goodbye as well so don't let him stress you out.

In a slightly different scenario, I was at a funeral of a very dear friend with another less dear friend shall I say. All the way there she was talking about how upset she was, very emotional and weepy and I had to support her rather than thinking about my friend. During the service she kept asking me if I would go outside with her as she was going to feint. I refused as I didn't want to miss the service and she didn't feint. People can act very strangely around bereavement.

Numptydumpty

I think Mig has said it all. You just can't please some people.
Please take care of yourself, I know you are under a lot of stress, and that can't be good for you.
Thinking of you (((())))
Numpty

villier

You are right DD why do sad events bring out the worst in people, sometimes it is their way of copeing with their own grief, when my dear mum passed I was trying to give my lovely sister a hand with her house work and she bit my head off, totally out of character, try not get yourself stressed out to much, as salamander said the day is for you and your husband to say goodbye............Marie xx

dachshund

Hello DD
I'm so sorry you dont need this you did the best anyone could have done and more.
take care ((((((((DD and MrDD))))))))
joan xx

tjt6768

I'm afraid you are right hun. These occasions can bring out some real nastiness.
At my birth Dad's funeral in 1995 me and my brother almost came to blows in the funeral car as he was bring such an A hole.... I only started soaking to him again in the last few months.
My other three brothers are all very placid and didn't know where to look but someone needed to tell him he was out of order. He was carrying on because his ex wife had turned up to pay her respects.. Idiotic...

I think your BIL is being a real pollock... You your hubby needs to have a quiet word I'm my opinion. Out could easily escalate if not..
I do hope things get sorted.. I'm still upset over things seventeen yrs later..

YBH's (TM) just for you hun.
Xxx

dreamdaisy

Thank you everyone, you are all very wise. Salamander hit the nail on the head - people can (and do) react very strangely to bereavement but when that just adds to one's own strain it becomes particularly irksome. Another distant family member is now exhibiting his inner prima-donna tendencies but hey-ho, we'll cope. The next thirty two hours or so are going to be very strange but at least they will pass - no doubt grindingly slowly but they will.

HELP! DD

fowls48

Oh DD

Sorry to hear this , its hard enough for you both having to sort things out and then having some dip stick making a fuss and spoiling it all .
Hope things turn out ok for you and OH .


karen xx

bubbadog

Sadly as others and Mr DD & yourself have had to deal with My OH & I had to deal with this when my DIL (I called him Dad as we where very close) passed away. My OH & I where left to sort out everything and my OH's brother came in at last minute to sort some of the funneral, but made out he had arranged everything with him. Yet he kept picking at things he felt where done wrong like the music and the wreaths that had been done! . It broke my heart that his brother his own flesh and blood couldn't help with arranging there own fathers funneral.

LignumVitae

It's an all too common story DD. My two cousins crawled out of the woodwork at my Gran's funeral, having not seen her for years. Suddenly they were the centre of all the grief, had to change the order of service at the last minute, couldn't think that others were grieving too and insisted on making a speech on how it had affected them. It was all quite strange since they hadn't come near to say good bye or even called when they heard she was dying.
My friend has recently lost her Mum and her brother is dealing with it all really badly, causing her Dad and him to come to blows very nearly. You can imagine how that helps everybody else. I think some people just don't think of others when grief hits. They just focus on them and don't even think how they are behaving.
The very best of luck and lots of love to you. I hope that his issues are done in terms of causing problems and dramas for the occassion.
LV xx

dreamdaisy

Isn't it odd? One would hope that this type of event would bring out the best in people but that doesn't seem to be the case. I've done the beds, moved some dust from A to B and sprayed some polish here and there, so far so good. Now it's time for a cheese and pickle sandwich and a cuppa then I'll start round 2. DD

knuckleduster

Sorry to hear DD you are having problems over the funeral arrangements with your BIL. It's always a difficult time. Just make sure you leave some time for yourself to relax and I'm sure everything will work out.

Janet x

Milly8

I hope everything works out ok and you can hold your tongue until after the funeral.i am afraid I could not do that when my fil passed away.we moved in with him when I married his son and were happy all living together for 18 years.my sil only visited us 3 times in 18 years.(she only lived a mile away and had a car)when he died she came in like a whirlwind and demanded we do this But none of it was good enough and I bit my tongue for so long and in the end I kicked her out of my house. Something I am not proud of but there was only so much we could take.the day of his funeral i went to the funeral but did not go to the wake so she could be with her family but she did not turn up to the wake.i had left my hubby and oldest son without my support as a gesture of good will to her but wish I never bothered now.my fil would have turned over in his grave at what I did ( not going to wake)as he said I was the daugther she should have been to him.but I guess that's life and we can't go back only forward.so good luck again with everything and Hope you don't over do it.
Bye for now
Milly

tjt6768

hope things are alright hun.. Wish I could help more

dreamdaisy

I won't be saying a word to BIL or Mr DD about my feelings - as I said Husband is very loyal and won't brook criticism but if he criticises and I agree then that's OK. As for time to myself / ourselves my mother is now thundering towards Ipswich (courtesy of chauffeur Husband) and that means no time for us. It's amazing how much disruption one small elderly woman can cause. :shock: My friend Wendy has offered (bless her) to sit with my Ma at the wake tomorrow so that I can move around to talk to the other guests - that will be a great help. Other friends of ours are coming along to support us so I am seeing the nicer side of people, it does exist. DD

dachshund

Hello DD
I hope tomorrow goes as best as it can for you you dont need anymore upset.
take care i will be thinkin g about you.
((((((((DD and Mr DD))))))))
joan xx