Cant Cope

gilly1957

Just received my forms from Atos to fill in again, im in pain a lot and my dad died two weeks ago today.

I cant concentrate on anything and just keep crying,I was not too bad while i was with my mum in cornwall last week but now im falling apart.

Sorry just needed to get it off my chest.

wall1409

Bless you hun. Your going through a lot so no wonder you feel low. You'll get through this and its perfectly normal to feel low now and again. Chin up and take care x

mig

Sending mega hugs.Mig

suzygirl

Can your gp not help you re ATOS? It must be hard when you are in so much pain physically and mentally.

dibdab

Don't apologise for getting it off your chest- this is safe space.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

Deb x

villier

Vent all you want pet plenty here to listen, you have had more than enough to contend with, have you tried going to CAB and getting someone there to help with the forms, worth a try, will probably be there myself soon. Thinking of you let us know how you go......tc......Marie xx

barbara12

Oh gilly..I am so sorry to hear about your dad, like someone else has said could you try and explain to atos, how awful things are for you at the moment, its not surprising you felt better with your mum, you could help each other.
And I am glad you are able to talk to us, please carry on because I dont mind listening.
Sending you lots of very gentle hugs (((((()))) xx

dreamdaisy

Oh no, I am so, so sorry. My mother-in-law died recently and it is indeed a very tough time. I have no experience of ATOS but I echo the others' suggestions that you seek some help with the dratted forms. Try not to put yourself under too much pressure, this is the time to be kind to yourself as much as possible. I wish you well and come and talk to us whenever you need. DD

salamander

I'm sorry to hear you have lost your father. Like you, I felt better with my family after my mum died but it is ok to cry a lot. I didn't stop for months but I did come to terms with the loss even though felt as if I couldn't cope. It is a very,very hard time. I agree you should hot-foot it to the CAB and tell them what's going on with you.
xx

bubbadog

I'm so sorry to hear about what has been happening, you don't have to appologise for getting that off your chest, we are all here to talk to if you feel better doing that. I know the feeling of not being able to stop crying. When we lost dad I had to be a rock for my OH (as it was his Dad, I called him dad as I was very close to him), but when he wasn't around I couldn't stop crying, it was like as soon as he shut the front door to go out the flood gates would open. And I felt so empty inside like a big void. I couldn't do anything like sorting forms or even reading letters. So a bet a few of us understand how you feel, and sometimes just pouring it out on here helps alittle. I send you a huge ((HUG)). Hope it helps alittle knowing you can pour your heart out and people will answer your call.

fowls48

Hi Jilly

Can you not get someone to help you , maybe you could contact social services and they send some one round to fill in the forms for youy .Sorry for you loss , will be thinking of you .


Take care
fowls xxxxxx

dreamdaisy

Hello Gilly, how are you feeling today? DD

gilly1957

Hi DD and everyone for their messages of support....thank you.

Its so hard....I just cant stop thinking about my dad an my mums really struggling and is miles away, dont know quite how to manage.

dreamdaisy

I'm in the same boat and it's not easy. My dad died in 2002 and my mum lives 120 miles away from me. (Well, usually she does, she's currently sitting in the armchair catching up on Eastenders.) The older I get the more I realise that life is not about happiness or contentment, it's about adjusting. We have to adjust time and time again and sometimes that is far from easy. DD

salamander

Hi Gilly, Any chance your mum could come and stay with you for a few days? My father couldn't stay in the house alone for very along after mum died. We all went to see him but he also came to stay with us. It might distract you both.

Am thinking of you.
xx

dreamdaisy

Hello, how are you doing now, Gilly? I hope you are feeling a little better in yourself. DD

gilly1957

Hello DD

I'm feeling a little better in myself thank you, I'm sorry to hear you have a recent loss as well.

IM in touch with my mum several times a day which, i know this sounds selfish i'm finding hard, I know she is having a difficult time because she has just moved as well and there is no where for me to stay at the mo or i would go and she doesn't want to come here. Last night she just spent the whole time shouting at me about how hard things were for her.

I know i have somewhere settled to live but i lost my dad, Its the first time i'v lost a family member, my grandparents all died before i understood death......

sorry for going on.

I'd also like to thank everyone for their messages

dreamdaisy

You and your mum have both lost someone you love. Both of you have to adjust to a new way of living and that adjustment is far from easy. You are both grieving, also far from easy. Me and my mum had to 'start again' with our relationship as Dad was the buffer between us and suddenly he wasn't there any more to 'buffer'. Eight years on I am still struggling with that and the arthritis isn't helping as that brings its own troubles. I'm an only - are you? DD

gilly1957

Hi DD..Thank u for your messages

I am sort of an only as my brother has not been in contact with me or my mum for many many years.

Im finding it very hard coping with my mum, although its only by phone.

Arthritis doesn't help, i find im very short of patience, I seem to be in terrible pain at mo and get wound up very easily.

My dad like yours was a sort of buffer between us when he was well.....I miss him so much.

stickywicket

gilly1957 wrote:

IM in touch with my mum several times a day which, i know this sounds selfish i'm finding hard,

It doesn't sound at all selfish to me, Gilly. It sounds very kind and generous especially in view of the fact that life is so difficult for you and your Mum isn't being easy to deal with. Of course it's very tough for her but it is for you too and the stress won't help your joints. This is one of those horrible times that just have to be ground out. Things will get better all round but, for now, don't beat yourself up because you can't do more. You are doing all you reasonable can.

dreamdaisy

Oh Gilly, I think you are my 'cyber sister'. I know exactly how that feels and it isn't easy. I too am short of patience with those I KNOW shouldn't be (viz mum), I get wound up (especially when I'm driving) and as for pain? I KNOW that stress adds to it but somehow I can't stop it. I am so sorry, I think we are in very similar boats at the moment - and neither of us can row very well. (I mean row as in 'grow' rather than row as in 'now'.) Please keep in touch. DD

lynn57buckingham

gilly1957 wrote:

Just received my forms from Atos to fill in again, im in pain a lot and my dad died two weeks ago today.

I cant concentrate on anything and just keep crying,I was not too bad while i was with my mum in cornwall last week but now im falling apart.

Sorry just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi. I am so sorry to hear your sad news. My Dad died over 5 years ago. My Mum is still missing him terribly, & so are all the family. You have every right to be upset, and to cry as much as you feel you need to. Please cherish your memories of the good times too, & I am sure your Mum needs to share her feelings as well. Everyone in my family, including my children who are adults, & my sister's children who are school age, still share memories & talk about both my Dad & my Gran & Granddad. We love to share our thoughts & feelings & it is better than keeping them in. As for your form, do you have a friend who can help you, or someone at a local organisation? Take care. Love & hugs, Lynn xxxx

barbara12

Hello Gilly
Please dont apologise for your post, I understand how you must be feeling, I lost my parents a long time ago now, you are trying to cope and help your mum at the same time, you need to tell her has gentle has possible how you are feeling, and wont be much help to her at the min, given time you will be.
Now look after yourself, and I am thinking about you (((((()))) xx

gilly1957

Thank you all for your support and messages it really does help.

I'm just off the phone after talking to my mum.....it is still the same, she can't cope etc, I keep making suggestions but to no avail, i told her I understand its hard etc, we both knew my dad was going to die, my mum says she doesn't like being on her own, she has been on her own for about 2 years as my dad had to go in a nursing home......I was feeling sort of ok apart from pain now i feel dragged down.

Sorry for moaning.

DD......Iv'e always wanted a sister so having a cyber one is lovely x

stickywicket

Please don’t think of it as moaning, Gilly. It’s a small pressure release valve. It won’t take anything away but, if it helps just as little, it’s worth it.

There are people whose every contact makes us feel dragged down, depressed, worthless and useless no matter how hard we try with them. I once just walked away from someone like that and would have no qualms about doing so again if the occasion arose with someone else. Unfortunately, the situation gets more complicated when it’s your mother and when you and she have both just lost someone very close. No wonder your joints are playing up. You are under the cosh.

I’m wondering if there are others whom your mother could talk to. Has she any sisters, cousins or neighbours? Is she involved in any local groups? It might take some of the load off your shoulders if she could share her feelings with others rather than relying solely on you as an outlet.