Is it me?
wall1409
Member Posts: 294
I apologise in advance as this is a moan. We have 3 dogs who I love to bits but due to this stupid Arthur I can lo longer walk, we have a yard where they do there toileting. I still try and keep this yard clean and try and do this twice daily, having to bend down and pick it up then swill yard with jeys fluid, I am seriously struggling, I also still do all the washing, hoovering, polishing and cooking and I work full time and am in horrific pain. I live with my 50 yr old hubby and my 21 yr old daughter. Is it wrong for me to ask them to help as I am sick to death of asking and telling them I am struggling but I feel this is falling on deaf ears, I am still awaiting resukts from MRI but up to now this is diagnosed as OA of the full spine, hip, knees and possibly shoulder...I hate admitting deafeat that is why I try to continue but I just cant do it anymore and hate to see the house in a mess and the poor dogs yard dirty
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Comments
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Awe pet, do not apologise for the moan my god no wonder you are feeling as bad as you are, it certainly is not WRONG of you to ask for help you shouldn't need to.
Can you print off information about your OA and sit your OH and daughter down and ask them to read, do they not see the pain you are in? either that tell OH you will have to pay someone to come in and assist you with chores etc, you are not admitting defeat you clearly are not in a fit state to do what you are doing, take OH with you when you go for results of the scan maybe that will make him sit up and take note, hope you get help soon........tc..............Marie xx
P.S you come on and rant all you want xSmile a while and while you smile
smile another smile and soon there
will be miles and miles of smiles
just because you smiled I wish your
day is full of Smiles0 -
Thanks Marie, I think thats the problem, they wernt in when OT came and they have never had to come to any appointments with rheumi physio etc, think they see you just getting on with it and feel its ok, I have broke into tears on the odd occasion due to the pain, think they are that used to me doing everything they think I can carry on as normal, never forget when hubby fell down the stairs a few years ago and pulled the muscles in his back, I ran around after him and he didnt have to lift a finger, I actually pointed that out to him the other day. Dont think they realise I am worried for the future, especially my job as without my wage I really dont know how we will pay all the bills, let alone how my life is going to change.
Wendy xx0 -
It's certainly not wrong to ask them to help, Wendy. In fact, it's very right.
They are probably blissfully unaware of how difficult things are for you. You are clearly a 'coper' and not a 'moaner' so they are just letting you get on with it. I think a good, sit-down natter is required in which you explain quietly and calmly just how tough things are for you. It might help if you were to download some of AC's info for them to read. (Publications and Resources at the top of the page.) It might also help if, occasionally, one or other could come to your appointments with you so that the medics can explain things.
Maybe you could work out which jobs are hardest for you and ask one or other of them to be responsible for these. Sometimes we can sabotage our own efforts. They might well not do jobs to your satisfaction or in your time (My younger son used to put his washing in just as I was going to bed :roll: ) but try not to notice - at least until they've got into it.
If you're also worrying about finances and the implications of your having to give up work, perhaps this should be discussed too as it will impact on the whole household and, if they don't want this to happen, they will have to take up some of the slack.
I'm sure they do care but are just not really taking it in. You have to convince them that change must happen. Chin up, girl. You can do it.If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright0 -
Thanks Sticky, I try and remain as positive as possible, gone through quite a lot health wise in the last 2 yrs but at least they are now getting to the bottom of it all....its a steep hill but I will climb it....Thanks so much again .
Wendy XX0 -
No, it isn't you, think we all get to that stage sometimes. Think you need to make your family realise how much it is affecting you. I live on my own and really struggle with some of the housework and keep trying to manage it all myself. I have a wonderful Son who lives only a few miles away and he is very understanding and helps me when I go out with him, and is always treating me to special things, but unfortunately I get no help or support at all from my daughter and family - who only live about a 40 minute drive away. Think I have now come to the point where I may have to get some help but don't like the idea of 'giving in' as I call it. Spoke to Social Services the other day and they are making arrangements for an OT to come and visit me to see if there is anything I can have in the house too help. Have also been told that I may be entitled to attendance allowance. Guess some of you have this? Any advice would be most welcome. I had understood that it was only for people who need personal care which I am fortunate enough to not need. I do not want, or need, anyone to come into the house but if could manage to get some sort of allowance then that would help to pay for the few bits of housework to be done that I really struggle with.
Hope your family start helping you soon Wendy as it is so unfair that you are having to work and also cope with everything else by the sound of it. At least having retired, I am able to do things at home as and when I want to or can manage to do them. Hope things improve for you soon. Beryl0 -
Oh wall of course it not selfish asking your family to help, the things is pain cant be seen, and it is hard to explain how bad things are...I struggled for over a year before ask for help...my OH means well but I do have to ask...its annoys me sometimes but then I think well at least he dose help..sometimes ....I do hope you get the help and mange some me time you deserve it xxLove
Barbara0 -
Thanks Barbara and Beryl...Barbara I bit the bullet after 2 falls in the bathroom and called in social services for an OT asssessment, she was lovely the lady that came out and service was so quick only had the assessment last week and equipment has been delivered today, bit upsetting watching it come in but at least it makes me independant. As for attendance allowance, you have no doubt worked all your life and never claimed a penny so why not and if that helps you paying for help then good on you. I'm 50 and it scares me I have 15 yrs or more left to go before I retire. This country is in a mess and unfortunately its us whose worked all our lives who pay the cost as if we become ill we are stumped. Sorry, just gets my goat when some folk claim benefits most of their lives and have never worked then the ones who have worked and paid their dues suffer due to lack of money and funds.0
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