Is wanting support a bad thing?

Tubby
Tubby Member Posts: 177
edited 9. Dec 2012, 07:01 in Living with Arthritis archive
Feeling a bit alone folks. Having a good old flare up in my upper back particularly ( I have PsA), heating broken, cold shower every morning (past 6 weeks), husband's car broken down (irretrievably) so he borrowed mine and managed to get it written off, physios advice - take more pain killers, looking forward to a 10 hour shift on a market tomorrow (after doing a full shift already this week at work) and husband now gone on off in a huff because I don't want to go out to visit his sister who lives 20 miles away tonight. I would like to scream and cry but it hurts too much :(

Comments

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Please don't feel alone, Tubby - not while you've got us.

    I don't know how long you've had arthritis (Sorry, you may have said so in an earlier post :oops: ) but this sounds pretty normal to me. You are really struggling but doing your best. The visit seems to be just a step too far. He's annoyed probably because it's his relative but probably also he's feeling a bit guilty (as well he might) about the car situation.

    I think a spot of honest dialogue might be called for. Sometimes we get so used to soldiering on it can be hard not to and our other halves get so used to us doing it they, too, start to take it for granted. Explain, without getting angry, just how it is for you. I'd guess that he, too, is worried about the expense of two cars and a boiler. Men can be pretty rubbish at showing their feelings and so, sometimes, they come out as anger.

    I'm sure you'll know that the physio can't prescribe meds. If you're having a bad, prolonged flare maybe you should ring the rheumatology helpline. Your meds might need tweaking or a steroid jab might be called for. Best to get it sorted before Christmas.

    Meanwhile, you 'scream and cry' and rant and rave if it helps. You have much to scream and cry about. (())
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    you get to the stage where you just have to say no i am not up to it so get on the settee with wheat bag and rest a full day on a market to much when you in this much pain so rest while you can why has shower not been sorted hubby should have been doing that and not visiting val
    val
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sending you some mega hugs.Mig
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yde gods girl, that does sound very tough indeed and that's why the AC forum is here. We (the members) won't necessarily be aware of the ins-and-outs of each other's personal circumstances but we do understand the pressures of every-day life and how exaggerated they become when one is under the thrall of this disease. Wanting support - and needing it - are not bad things, but asking for it can be difficult. As for husbands well, they can often be in a league of their own when it comes to understanding the pressures we face. :roll: Is there any way that you can say 'No' to tomorrow's market shift? Whose benefit is it for? (I suspect that it's not yours.) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You really are having a tough time at the moment, of course you need support, who wouldn't?
    I hope things improve for you very soon, and in the mean time, we are all here for you.
    Wishing you well,
    Numpty
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all....it is truly inspiring to know you are all out there. Can't really say no to the market as I am covering for a colleague/ friend who dislocated her knee and I know how bad she feels. When I am feeling crap tomorrow, I will take your hugs with me and I will, at least feel warmer. Been diagnosed with arthritis since early Feb this year but it was there before....

    Honest dialogue about silly stuff about cars is on its way with husband!!!! I know the physio doesn't have a magic wand but I guess I am at that desperate stage where I guess a bit of relief was required and just keep taking the tablets wasn't good enough at that point.

    Knowing you are there to scream at is so comforting so lots of ((((((())))))) back. Hope you all have a great weekend and if any of you are in Chesterfield tomorrow, come and say hello.....I will be with the 6ft Field Mouse!
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hope it ok love chesterfiels market and would have loved to come but am not allowed on public transport at moment roll on end of treatment can not wait leaving few more ((())) incase you need them val
    val
  • frogmella
    frogmella Member Posts: 1,111
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think, as the others have said, that it is perfectly normal to want some support. I also agree that wanting it and asking for it can be miles apart! As always Sticky has said what was in my head much more eloquently than my fuggy brain allows these days so I will just say "ditto"!

    This forum is brilliant for support. We all get it and no one on here judges.

    I hope you can have a nice rest tomorrow. ((()))
  • knuckleduster
    knuckleduster Member Posts: 551
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Saw this a bit late to wish you well for your day at the moment. Do hope you have put on plenty of layers to keep you warm. Can't help re the pain, but sending lots of hugs in the hope that you will soon find some relief from the pain.

    Janet xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tubby wrote:
    I will be with the 6ft Field Mouse!

    :o Are you sure you're not self-medicating on alcohol, Tubby? :lol:

    Here are a few more for this evening. ((())) I expect you'll need them after a day on a market stall. It's pretty parky in these parts. Let's know how it went after you've thawed out.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tubby dont you dare feel alone..you have us lot..I have just asked for help and hugs ...believe me it does help..has for the physio well you have the right to ask for another one...I know its goes against the grain...but you give it a try.
    here some gentle hugs to be going on with (((((()))) x
    Love
    Barbara
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Tubby (I do llike that name!) I hope you are coping OK today, I've been thinking of you. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    well you shpould be home soon rest up this evening with wheat bags and chocolate ((())) val
    val
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sorry things are a bit rough for you at the moment. Hope today wasn't too bad and you are getting a rest tonight. Also hope you get your heating back soon. Now is not a good time to be without it. Come on here any time you need to rant.
    Christine
  • Mumof1
    Mumof1 Member Posts: 42
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know exactly how you feel, and have had many of those moments where you just have to say no, no matter who it upsets. In my case I also have an unsympathetic partner who tells me to stop moaning if I'm in a lot of pain, and my Mum just thinks that I have a low pain threshold, at least everyone here understands how we feel.

    Good luck xx
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you again for all of your support and for just being there. I survived my day on the market but was pretty sore by the end of the day. Stiff today but OH being a bit more supportive - think he knows he was a bit harsh!
  • Tubby
    Tubby Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh by the way....one of my roles at work is to look after the Mascot called Chester the Field Mouse (get it????) so sometimes I appear a little delusional! It is true that this job does sometimes drive me to self medication (wine and chocolate) but only when not on methotrexate :D . Thanks again for all of the hugs - they really helped.

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