Dear people of the world

Starburst

Dear people of the world

You know I have RA, yet you insist on grabbing my shoulders and shaking me vigorously.
You know I have RA, yet you insist on grabbing my hands, moving my fingers about while asking me if the splints help my pains.
You know I have RA, yet you insist on asking me if I fancy a walk to the shops a mile down the road.
You know I have RA, yet you insist on asking me why I need to sit down when I'm so young.

Sophie

P.S. When I say "people of the world", I mean the people in my world. I try not to get too cross when a stranger shakes/squeezes/squashes my hand when we are being introduced.

tjt6768

well said hun...
You forgot the dirty looks when sitting in the elderly/disabled seats on the bus :roll:

Leaving you some Yorkshire Blokey Hugs Starburst, you sound like you need em, don't worry, they're gentle ones lol

dreamdaisy

I empathise, it is a difficult thing, isn't it? People may know that you have this disease but what they don't understand is its impact on the body. Get your oar in first, Sophie, clearly state that you have RA and therefore you don't shake hands because it causes pain. Perhaps we should devise an arthritic's greeting such as touching elbows or winking three times. DD

stickywicket

I doubt this'll be of much consolation, Sophie, but there does come a point when people don't do these things as you start to look old, gnarled and knackered :roll: I gave up on my wedding ring because of over-enthusiatic squeezing.

Elbows, DD? I think it'd have to be one elbow and sideways on for me. Can't beat a good bearhug, as long as they hang on to you when you lose your balance

dibdab

Hi Sophie, sending lots of sympathy and understanding!
Folks in church go for the firm handshake, and I try and get in 1st with a gentle hug as my shoulders are usually less painful than my hands. As for the children I teach(5yr olds)-they are all now clued in to my splints/gloves telling them I have "poorly bones" and they offer to fasten my coat for me!
Strangely it's often the people who know us that struggle most to understand what they can't feel, and maybe that's because they feel inadequate or helpless in the face of our continuing pain?

Take care.

Deb x

scattered

It is difficult when people forget what we can and can't do. They forget because they don't live with it, and a lot of the time we look ok. If I'm with family and they grab my hands, or hug too tight round the shoulders, I've found a well timed cry of 'Oww!' usually results in letting go of the affected limb or a much gentler hug. I also try to catch people before they touch me and give them a warning. I try to make it a joke, 'Squeeze too hard and I won't be responsible for the consequences!' and for people who know me it's enough of a reminder.

Sidenote: Tony, don't get me started on buses and seats. I've got on buses using my stick and all the seats were taken. No-one offered to get up, leaving me hanging on precariously and then I got comments: 'She's too young to be using that.' 'She must be faking.'

Sophie, I really empathise with the 'you're too young to [insert appropriate action]'. It's tiring having to justify yourself to those that know you and perfect strangers who feel that they have the right to comment on you.

I hope you're feeling a little better today.

Scat.

barbara12

Aww well said Sophie
I think we all go through this in some form or another....I have friend that I used to go to the gym with, and a few weeks ago they called to see if I wanted to go power walking ...what I would have give....they even said they would do a slow power walk... bless um....
You take care xx

dreamdaisy

Hello Sopie, I'm just popping in to say I am thinking of you. DD

knuckleduster

Hello Sophie. I know what you mean. I'm very wary of people giving me tight hugs and I think DD's idea of winking sounds great, although it could get us into trouble I think .

Hope today is a good day for you.

Janet xx

bubbadog

That is so well written Sophie and so true! I've said before I get the 'your to young to have Arthritis!' I'm putting my hardened shell ( we all need it when going out in the big wide world of idiots!!) on ready for the pathetic comments while on my holiday, most of them you have all wrote. You sound like you need a hug Sophie so sending you a big gentle ((((HUG)))).

tjt6768

yep Scat, I know that attitude well lol

Starburst

Thank you for being as supportive and understanding as ever. Obviously I wouldn't wish this upon other people but I am glad there are those who can read my words and nod along. It helps me feel less alone.

Some days, I feel very accepting of my condition and the comments it attracts. Other days, it's a bit too much and I get quite cross! Fortunately, the latter days and few and far between. I am perfecting the art of nodding, smiling and ignoring especially when people suggest I come off all my RA meds and try homeopathy (don't even get me started on that)!

stickywicket

Starburst wrote:

especially when people suggest I come off all my RA meds and try homeopathy (don't even get me started on that)!

:shock: Thank God, you're the sensible sort, Sophie. That sort of person clearly is clueless about arthritis.

Nicchick

'Helpful' people who continue to ask 'what have you done now?' (on spying me using a walking stick) get the answer 'nothing!' If they persist I cheerfully say 'nothing! I'm no worse than I was three years ago when I explained to you that I have inflammatory arthritis it's just that now you can see it!' If they still go on I give them ALL the gory details....

Nx

kentishlady

Hello Sophie. Think your 'post' is SO accurate. I know exactly what you mean. Most people mean well but they just don't think, that's the problem. My 'gripe' is people who say to me "it's not far, just over there and/or round the corner." The problem is that with my very dodgy back which affects my mobility, their comments always turn out to be untrue - for me anyway. "Not far", isn't 'far' if you don't have pain and difficulty walking, but if you do then only a short distance can seem like a marathon.

Take care, and I hope you are feeling a little brighter today.

Beryl (()) very gentle ones!

LesBrown

oh I know what you mean,the real man handshake used to be the killer for me,now I use the "dude " shake,the one that looks like an arm ressle,much less painfull.

so to all those who like a good solid handshake out there,check the guys fingers before you do it!