Passport renewal

stickywicket

It’s been 10 years since I braved the photo booth but there’s no ducking it now so this morning Mr SW and I discovered that we didn’t need the coins we’d brought: we now needed a £5 note. Plus a whole lot more.

Firstly, I needed to fit my face into the oval shape in the centre of the screen. I duly jumped up and down, aided by the new grab rails, as if playing Musical Chairs while Mr SW whizzed the seat round, first in the wrong direction but eventually, in the right one. Several times. Finally, I managed to position myself more or less correctly by leaning slightly against the back of the booth but, no, that wasn’t allowed so it was up again and more whizzing.

I was now at the right height but either my hair or my chin or an ear or two stuck out of the oval. I decided my face was not oval-shaped and, having not been oval-shaped for 66 years, was unlikely to change now. Mr SW pressed the green button for me (so that I didn’t have to take my face any further out of the oval) and we moved on.

Now I had to remember (while keeping my face within the oval) to keep my eyes open, my mouth shut (a tricky one, that ) and not attempt to smile or part my lips at all. Despite this, bearing in mind this photo would follow me around for the next 10 years, I had also to attempt to look natural and relaxed before asking MR SW to again lean in and press the green button. And that was it. One instant photo. Five copies.

Oddly enough, despite no-one else using the booth at the time, I was given the wrong photos. The old bat on the ones delivered looks as if my Granny had a fling with Herman Munster. She is, to Mr SW’s delight, grim, humourless and aged.

But at least she will still have a head once digitalised. When he last renewed his passport, the digitalisation process made it look as if his shiny bald pate had been sliced off. Which, indeed, it might still be if he doesn’t stop laughing at me.

barbara12

Oh SW...that is brilliant ...at the end I thought for a second how on earth has she managed to get someone else pics.....I went mad at my other half when he chopped half his head off...so he is not a one off :roll:

dreamdaisy

It's all in the telling - you raise a humble, every-day activity into a wondrous piece of comic re-telling. An utter gem: thank you Sticky for one of the most entertaining posts this year. DD

mig

Oh Sticky you are a gem.Mig

villier

awe sticky that has brightened my night although I'm afraid there is now snot everywhere with this stinking cold I have aquired out of nowhere, who cares so funny xx

Turbogran

Oh sticky that was so funny Really made me laugh

applerose

I'm not laughing. Really I'm not. You do tell a good story.

LignumVitae

Tee hee hee, that gave me a good morning giggle Sticky, thank you! I also have a bad relationship with those machines, one turned my blue eyes brown somehow and Mr LV keeps another particularly bad picture near his bed, I presume to ward off the bogey man.

stickywicket

villier wrote:

this stinking cold I have aquired out of nowhere

:oops: I'm afraid that could be my cold, Marie, but you're welcome to it.

villier

stickywicket wrote:

villier wrote:

this stinking cold I have aquired out of nowhere

:oops: I'm afraid that could be my cold, Marie, but you're welcome to it.

Awe thanks Sticky I love you to xx

stickywicket

So this morning Mr SW braved the snow to walk down to the Post Office with my completed form, signed photo(s) (I convinced my neighbour it really was me - worrying :? ) and my old passport.

And came back spitting chips. After all my mammoth efforts, not to mention the mortal blow to my self-esteem, the P.O. said the photo 'didn't fit the required measurements'.

"Your face isn't big enough" he reported.

How sodding big do they want it? A4? They can clearly see all the bits they requested plus eye colour plus the bags under my eyes plus the 'tache, plus what appears to be a tracheotomy scar on my throat but which is, in fact, merely my turkey neck. Do they want it illuminated in 3D? Is there to be no limit to my humiliation?

Back home he measured every bit and it fell well within the guidelines. So, he phoned the P.O. and relayed this info. The woman said we could send it but we'd be taking a risk. So he phoned the passport office and the nice lady there said she couldn't OK it without seeing it but, as it sounded OK, send it in and, if it's no good, all we'll need to pay for is another set of photos which we'd have had to in any case if we did it the P.O.'s way.

How difficult was that?

dreamdaisy

Ye gods. Why does something so straightforward have to be complicated to a ridiculous extent by ludicrous beaurocracy? Well done to Mr SW for playing them at their own ridiculous game and I hope the renewal now proceeds smoothly. (How much did you have to pay the neighbour? ) DD

stickywicket

Worryingly, he never queried it :shock:

applerose

Must remember next time I renew my passport to puff up my face to make it look bigger.

frogmorton

Not big enough??!!!

NOT BIG enough??!!

What a palaver :roll:

I just found and odorable piccie of my Bigun aged about 8 for one of her old passports - I bet you looked just as cute

Best of luk with it though

love

Toni xx

stickywicket

The thick plottens.

I sent in the form, pics and old passport and kept a record of the barcode number of the application, as requested.

Today I got a letter from the Passport Office. Would I fill in another form as my ‘signature is too faint so that a clear image could not be captured’. I rang up the nice lady and explained that my signature was faint (no-one’s ever complained before) because I have RA in my hands. She suggested a thicker biro :? and pressing on harder. I said I could use a thicker biro but, if I pressed harder, I would necessarily write slower and more deliberately and it wouldn’t look like my signature. It would, however, be my signature so that was OK

I started again on form No 2, came to the bit requesting the number of my former passport and ground to a halt. They’d kept my former passport. Nothing in the 24 page long Application Guide, instructed me to make a note of the number of the old passport.

I rang again. Oh that was OK. They had the number so they’d fill it in. I asked, hopefully, if I really needed to trudge to my neighbour’s again in the snow (Actually to send Mr SW :oops: ) to ask him to fill in the section stating I was me. Alas, yes, although they were in possession of that info, too.

So now I will fill in Form 2, tonight I will ask Len nicely to re-state that I am me and then I’ll get a thick black biro and apply a signature that won’t bear much resemblance to mine but will be OK because the machine will like it :roll:

dreamdaisy

Ye gods.

Flanders and Swann spring to mind, either the Gas Man Cometh or the 'It's back to bl**dy January again!' song. Ideas are stirring. DD

frogmorton

:roll:

I really cannot think what to say

:roll:

Numptydumpty

Oh sticky, I've only just seen this post Wouldn't it be easier to just stay in this country
Lucky you, having someone on tap to say that you are you.
I look forward to the next instalment!

stickywicket

Numptydumpty wrote:

I look forward to the next instalment!

I don't :!: All I want's a passport. Yes, it would be easier to stay here but then I'd miss having my grandson launch himself into my arms. (Mr SW no longer has the same enthusiasm )

villier

All I can say is Fiddle Sticks if there was no bad luck you would have no luck at all :shock: xx

applerose

Sounds like they might as well have signed it themselves. How silly.

stickywicket

So today I brewed up, and me and him filled in the second form ie he wrote while I reminded him of my maiden name, birthday, place of birth etc :roll: (He's a fully-paid up bloke and we've been married 40odd years - some very odd ) Then I had to sign it.

In vain did I search for a thick-nibbed, black biro. He has a penchant for thin-nibbed black biros and my preference is thick-nibbed blue ones. We unearthed tons of both, some of which still wrote

Finally I remembered I had a couple of biros in my rarely-used handbag. One was ideal. I practised my signature with it several times. Because I was leaning hard on it and going slow it was shaky and some of the letters not well-formed. But, all they required was my signature, however it came, so I gave it them.

“That initial’s not right” protested my amanuensis. “It needs a bigger loop.”

“It is as it is” I replied. “They want ‘thick’, they can have thick. They just can’t have ‘clear’ and ‘normal’ at the same time.”

“Here” he said, picking up the biro. “I’ll just widen that loop.” :shock: :shock: :shock:

I haven’t moved faster in years.

Numptydumpty

I bet there's never a dull moment in your house!

LignumVitae

You should write a book, I'd buy it! That was a fantastic giggle, thank you

villier

Awe Sticky you are a mad one I would buy your book as well, been a great start to my morning thank you xx