Feeling blue

rugbygirl Member Posts: 691
edited 3. Feb 2013, 09:01 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi everyone

I keep hiding away from reality. I work full time, study for a degree and catch up with some friends when I can.

The problem is that I get these bouts of feeling so down all I want to do is shut myself away from the world.

I have degeneritve arthritis of the spine and Fibromyalgia. I can sit and use the computer to a degree for most of the day but anything else is a nightmare.

I cant cook, clean, dress myself easily, or make myself useful in anyway shape or form. I end up feeling useless and a burden on everyone around me.

No matter what I do everything gets too much - too much sitting, too much laying, too much reading, too much studying etc

Even sleep is becoming no existent and I can only manage 4 hours a night. It is getting beyond a joke and I am tired all the time either because of the pain or because of the lack of sleep.

I could do with a magical cure but I know that there is no magical cure and I know that it is no good feeling sorry for myself because it wont help, but that doesnt change the way I feel and I want to curl up in a ball and stay there.

Sorry for moaning but I dont like moaning to my family because they dont seem to understand why I get so frustrated about no longer being able to do the things I used to because if I do all i get in response is 'we dont mind doing it for you'!

THATS NOT THE F*****G POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moan over

Hope everyone is ok


  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,213
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello again, Jaki. I think your opening sentence is showed, by the rest of your post, to be not wholly accurate. It seems to me you are definitely facing reality and that's good. I think it's amazing if you can work full time and study for a degree. Well done, you!

    I get the too much sitting, lying down, reading etc. Short bursts of each are the only way.

    Do you have dressing / cooking / cleaning aids? Every little bit helps.

    Let your family help but don't try to be Superwoman. It won't work. And, if a big problem is depression, why not ask the doc for a short course of anti-deps? They might help.
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wow lady, why are you so hard on yourself? I worked full time and did a degree, even if you did get to sleep all night and have everything else 'normal' that is damned hard work. Don't underestimate just how hard or just how much it is also taking from you. There's lots of pressure involved even if your course tutors and employers understand that you are doing both.

    I think it's quite normal to get frustrated when being able to do little every day tasks is challenging and I can testify how frustrating the 'we don't mind helping' line is even though the truth is, they don't mind and do it because they love you so much and can see how hard you are busting a gut working, studying and just trying to cope with the problems you have. When you have the determination to do the things you are doing, not being able to do the little things is very hard and a bit soul destroying at times. I think Sticky is right though, maybe see a GP and talk to them? Counselling might be useful too?

    I for one admire you for being so brave as to take on the degree and job thing, I can tell you it is a lonely road too because not everybody at work is doing a degree and not everybody at university is working. So, from me, please could you give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back and a reminder that lots and lots of people in this world cannot do either, never mind both at once?

    You are pretty amazing. Love LV xx
  • kentishlady
    kentishlady Member Posts: 809
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jacqi. No wonder you are feeling a 'bit blue'. You are obviously putting yourself under too much pressure, coping with work, studying and the considerable pain you are in. Think you need a big (()) and a gold star for the efforts you are making.

    I know we all get to this stage sometimes - I know I do - and coming on the forum helps us all as everyone knows what it is like. It is so frustrating (as well as painful) when you can't do what you want to do. I suffer with OA in my back but rather suspect that I now have it in my knee also (which I am feeling a bit fed up about) and have an appointment to see my GP in a couple of weeks to get it checked.

    As I am one of the 'older' - to put it politely - members of the forum I have the 'luxury' (questionable I think to put it mildly) of being retired and so am able to do as much or as little as I like, when I like.

    Unfortunately, you are having to cope with rather a lot, like many others on the forum. I do know what you know about the pressure of Uni studying as I have been doing some Open University courses and the amount of studying and work involved was tremendous. I enjoyed the courses but had to call it a day as managed to acquire a Frozen Shoulder (just for good measure) and couldn't cope with all the typing etc.

    You are right when you say people don't understand. It's very difficult for anyone to really understand what it is like. It's the same with any situation really as unless you have actually been through it yourself then it is impossible to know 'exactly' what it is like. The other thing is that the problems we face from the unending pain are not necessarily visible, like a broken arm or leg for example, which others can easily see and be aware that the person is in trouble.

    I really admire you for what you are doing Jacqi and do hope that you can get the pain level sorted out. A trip to your Dr sounds a good idea as Sticky suggested.

    Take care of yourself and remember we are all here to give you support when needed.

    Beryl x
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sorry you are feeling so down,I'm sure we will all cheer up a little when the better weather comes.(((()))) Mig
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Your a poorly person who is trying to do too much. Working full-time is a challenge in itself, load on top of that day-to-day life and the studying then it's little wonder that you're struggling. How long before the studying ends? That at least will be one pressure eased.

    I accept any offers of help that come my way because they help to preserve what little 'energy' I have thus I can carry on doing the things I enjoy. My Superwoman days are long gone, and yes, what I can do is gradually lessening month by month but that is the nature of the beast. I am currently on anti-depressants to help me cope with life aqnd pain (in fact my GP upped them on Monday, just for a month, to help me get through our latest setback) and I can already feel the benefit. Lights only shine in the dark and sometimes we have to turn them on ourselves by acknowledging that we can no longer struggle on. You are doing just that. DD
  • frogmella
    frogmella Member Posts: 1,115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jaki,

    I am not surprised you are feeling blue. As the others have said you are doing loads despite feeling so bad. There always comes a point when we have to stop and have a rest.

    I understand that you don't like accepting help but sometimes taking it might mean that you can have time/energy for something nice for you. I know it is frustrating not being able to do the things we want.

    Have you told your GP how you are feeling? I agree that some anti deps might help. Also, my GP referred me to a Pain Management course. I have only done the intro day so far but realised that what I thought was pacing wasn't! If you want more details I am happy to share.

    I hope that by writing it out on here you feel a little bit better. Sometimes typing it out helps me.

    ((())) Helen
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jaki

    I really can't add very much as the others have already said it all, I think you are an amazing girl coping with your pain, holding down a job and studying as well, let the family help it's because they love you and know how brave a face you are putting on that they want to do it for you, it woudn't hurt to visit the docs and get some anti-deps for a litte while they may well help you to sleep also, sending some ((((()))))s keep us posted how you are doing...........tc..................Marie xx
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,279
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Jaki the others have said it all, its not like you to moan...so things must be bad...please take the offers of help...I know the point is we want to do it our selves, and i get very snappy at my OH..but I am so grateful for his help.
    Good luck with the degree...(((((()))) xx
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    How's things today Jaki? ((()))
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    How are you today Jaki?
  • rugbygirl
    rugbygirl Member Posts: 691
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm feeling much better now. I had some hypnotherapy yesterday to help me relax more and to stop stressing about things.

    Anti-depressants have been sorted too. Took sometime out for me- had a pamper day and a bit of a shopping spree. Now feel human again and ready to take on the world, although I'm taking baby steps. And not going to do as much as I have been

    Thanks for all your support and I hope you all overcome any obstacles in your way x
  • CJHunter
    CJHunter Member Posts: 1,038
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hiya Jaki, hope you are feeling brighter after your day, sometimes it takes for others to point out and relaxation to set you back on the right path.

    The last year has taught me to take time out for me. I know what depression feels like.

    Pamper days and time out are a must for us all i reckon xx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 28,200
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jaki

    I am so sorry I didn't see this thread sooner :oops:

    It's lovely to see you posting. Even better to hear how you are getting life sorted for yourself. Well done you. Very sensible to do as Clare said and pamper yourself from time to time.

    Jak - sorry if anyone else has already said it, but have you looked at getting yourself some 'aids' to help with dressing etc?? I value being able to attend to my personal care needs as much as poss and it might help? If you alreday have everything to help please ignore that!!

    You take care of yourself :)


    Toni xxx
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Only just found this. Sorry you were having a rough time but glad you are getting things sorted. Wow, a degree and full-time work. I saw how difficult that was for my son He was in his early 20s and healthy and fit as a fiddle.