arthur has made me a grump!

nearlybionic

Hi
I am having a bad few days, with pain, lack of mobility, fatigue etc... which I know many of you can relate to. My response to this is that I am a really grumpy cow and I hate myself for feeling like this.
I resent everyone around me for being healthy, and having plans! (holidays, days out, or even a social life??!!) I know I am being a miserable so and so but am finding it really hard to snap out of it. I am a very stubborn person, and hate not being in control (which is hard to be with arthur!) and find it hard to accept help unless I am completely incapacitated. I feel unattractive, well, a limp, walking sticks and tired bags under the eyes aren`t exactly a thing of beauty, and I feel my hubby could do a lot better, with a lot less hassle.
Any tips for getting rid of the grumpy me and finding a `silver lining` again?
sorry to moan, it has helped to write it down and get the feelings out of my head.
NB

stickywicket

I don't think you're grumpy, NB. I think you're depressed and with good reason. I've a feeling you've said before that you don't want to go down the anti-deps route. The only other thing I could prescribe is plenty of whatever makes you happy. For me it would probably be watching cricket while listening to Chopin/Mozart/Brahms and drinking Chenin Blanc - preferably with someone else.

nearlybionic

Hi Sticky
Thanks for your message x
I probably am depressed. I have to see my GP again soon to discuss my hips so if I feel brave, maybe I`ll broach the subject. Not keen on more pills but...
I will be honest , at the moment I am finding it difficult to find anything that makes me happy. The one thing that was keeping me going was my planned holiday to Florida after my daughter`s GCSE`s, but I will have to cancel that due to my upcoming THR. I think this is what is making me feel bad, as I feel I have spoiled everyone elses fun too! I just need to find something else to focus on.
Enjoy your music, cricket and vino! I prefer Chardonnay, but the MST has put paid to that at the moment :roll:
Thanks again x
NB

Sapp50

I agree with Sticky you probably are feeling depressed with good cause, sometimes we just need to get things off our chest. I do hope you are feeling better today, if not, It might be worth asking your Dr for anti-depressants just to help you through this difficult time. If you really don't want to take any more meds and you can make it to your local spa/leisure centre, book yourself an afternoon of sheer pampering from head to toe, I find this helps!

hope you feel better soon?

dreamdaisy

Arthritis not only messes with our joints, it also tries to plant its stinking tendrils into our brains and emotions. It not only affects us either, again the tendrils creep out and touch everyone around us with their little stings of poison. Depression becomes a factor when we're living with daily, grinding, unrelenting pain and discomfort, and the best way to fight back is with chemicals. Get thee to the docs young NB, there's no shame in asking for some help with this. I recently had my anti-deps increased a little (by my GP and not at my request) to help me get through the current situation with 'im indoors and my hip and they have made a positive difference to how I am coping. I totally get the unattractive thing (I've found it's impossible to 'pul' when one uses a rollator) and I've been known to tell Mr DD that he's lucked out on the wifey front but he strongly disagrees - as I'm sure Mr NB would. DD DD

nearlybionic

Hi
Thanks Sapp50, I do like a facial etc.. but the way my back and hips are at present there is no way I could lie on the table at the spa/salon. Good idea though x
Hi DD
I am waiting for the GP to get back to me whether I need an appointment or a telephone consult, re the old MRI report I have now got a copy of, but I will try to tell him how I am feeling emotionally too. I have no problem telling him where I ache, but emotional health is another story!! but I am hurting there too.
I have done what I do best when feeling down, I have been spending money!! I have bought a dress and a lovely jumper , and the thing that has really made me feel better is that they are smaller sizes-2 sizes smaller dress and 3 sizes smaller sweater. Woohoo! I have lost about 2 and a half stone since October and am still hoping to lose a bit more if I can. So maybe that is today`s silver lining for me.
I am glad that your antidepressants are helping you to manage with your `lot`, and that Mr DD is soon on the mend.
Thankyou for your support xx
NB

Jo90

Hi NB
Just wanted to chuck my 2p worth into this. Great advice above, but, here's a thought, Sapp50 suggested a facial as a treat, and you have said that your hips would give you trouble. So, instead of dismissing it, if it is something that takes you to a happy place, phone the salon, explain your current constraints and ask if they can do a facial with you in a more upright position (if that works for you) ? Don't let arthur win - look for a way of helping to lift your mood - do you have lots of photos on your home computer(s) ? Why not look at compiling an album of some happy memories and get it printed, or how about pulling together some music that you love, and sticking it on an mp3 player, CD, whatever ? These things aren't fixes, but, in the meantime while you get some appropriate chemical assistance (!) might lift your mood.
Just a thought. Incidentally - WOOHOO on the weight loss
Keep your pecker up.
Jo

stickywicket

It sounds as if the thing that's really nagging at you is the lost holiday and its impact on your family. Remember it's not you who are the cause of the holiday being forfeited, it's the disease.

However, as a Mum, I can see where you're coming from. Maybe you could get planning for its replacement. Maybe some family members could still go to Florida and / or maybe your daughter go do something else special after her GCSEs. (My elder son went on his first camping-holiday-with-friends-and-no-adults. Stressful for the parents, mind you )

nearlybionic

Hi Jo
I have lots of photos on my phone and laptop which I browse often. I also put them on my digital photo frame, it does make me smile to remember good times. Good idea about the music, I have been promising myself to update my ipod playlist before my op, so maybe nows the time.
Thanks x

Hi Sticky
I am sad about the lost holiday. It was so nice to surprise the kids with the plan to go to Florida last year, we were going just after her Prom and exams etc.. I suggested that my hubby still took the kids but he won`t hear of it, and to be honest I am glad they would rather we all go. We still want the holiday, but it will be difficult re school/college holidays and cost during the hols as we got such a good deal going early this year but.... It is so annoying that arthur has spoiled things. Again. As soon as I know when my op will be we can think again about rebooking etc..when I am fully recovered and safe to fly long haul.
I am throwing my planning into her Prom instead!!
Thanks x
NB

barbara12

Oh Nb if you think you are grumpy just ask my OH how bad i have been and still being....like you I feel awful after... then it happens again....so just to say its normal to be like this...I even get annoyed when people walk past our house...I think I would have been doing doing that ......not walking past my house but you know what i mean... :?
I feel awful at getting jealous and have even started to swear ...I am disgusted with myself......we all need a good screaming room to get rid of our emotions.
So you have a good scream or keep talking to us...it will do you good...xx

nearlybionic

Thanks Barbara
It is reassuring to know I am not the only grumpy *****!! Thanks to arthur!! I am really making an effort not to snap at my hubby which is really hard! I have a very short fuse, which is none existent at the moment, and I hate myself for the way I am with people. I too have developed a swear habit :oops:
I had to go to the shops to get a few things today and got really angry with inconsiderate people who bumped into me, stepped in front of me etc.. and I was using my bright pink stick!! I am getting good at the death stare
Thanks again xx
NB

Numptydumpty

Sorry, no advice from me, (even though I do understand) Just a few of these, (((())))

nearlybionic

Thanks Numpty
The (())`s are much appreciated xx
NB

kentishlady

Hello NB. Sorry to hear you are a bit 'down in the dumps' and I know exactly how you feel. I feel so cross with myself at times because I can't do what I want and/or ought to be doing and it is so frustrating having to live all the time within the constraints of OA or RA, the former in my case. When you see other people, especiall friends able to do exactly as they want to, then I think it becomes even harder. The pain is so wearing and only ever eases a little when I am in bed. As soon as I get up in the morning and start moving around, within a few minutes the pain level starts going up yet again. It really is no wonder that we all get 'down' at times. Do hope that your GP can help. Like you, I am very reluctant to ask for anti-deps as I hate the side effects they give me so try and manage without.

Well done on the weight loss. You deserve a special treat for that. It's a shame about your holiday and I do hope you will be able to re-arrange it for later in the year. I resort to shopping to try and cheer myself up although sometimes I've then wished I hadn't had a splurge because what I bought isn't really what I wanted and/or needed at all, so it goes back!

Try and spoil yourself with some 'me' time. I know it's even harder when you have a family to look after but you do deserve it.

Take care of yourself and sending you some gently ((())) Beryl

nearlybionic

Thankyou Beryl
Sorry to see you are having the same issues with pain and resentments. This is why this forum is so valuable to me, I always find people who understand how I feel, even if I don`t understand it!!
I haven`t heard from the GP yet, and will probably chicken out of talking about my low mood.

Take care
NB

frogmorton

HI Nearly

Oh I am sorry Can't suggest much to help other than rearranging the holiday for before of a while after surgery I am sure everyone in the family will be happy to do that for you.

and of course.... to leave you some of these (((())))

love

Toni xx

villier

Hi NB, I think we all get grumpy and down at times although we try not to, firstly congrats on the weight loss well done, why don't you treat yourself to a favourite meal a one off won't do you any harm. The anti-deps for a wee while woudn't do you any harm either may be just enough to lift you up, you also have us here to llisten and that also helps, getting things of your chest, don't chicken out when GP phones you, be strong, a few ((((())))s to keep you going....................Marie xx

suzygirl

NB, it makes me grumpy too. Everything is hard when you are in pain and patience is in short supply I find!!! Understanding what the problem is is half the battle.

Well done on the weight loss!!! That is amazing, I have lost 12lbs so far. Finding it hard to carry on whilst in so much pain at the moment though, as I just want to comfort eat :oops: So you have done brilliantly.
It must be a real buzz.

I hope you manage to get an appt with the gp and talk through your feelings.

Take care

kentishlady

Hi NB. I know how you feel about telling your Dr as I feel the same, very reluctant to go down that route. I realise that my problem isn't helped by the fact that I am on my own (although I guess there are some advantages?!!) so spend a lot of time alone. I always feel better in myself when I go out, which I do as much as possible, but the end result of that is that when I get home the pain level is such that I wonder if it is worth making the effort.

I have a wonderful son, who only lives about 4 miles away, and I see him most weekends and he is always planning somewhere for us to go to, so I am very lucky really. I also meet up with my friends when possible. I do have hobbies, knitting, reading, jigsaw puzzles, and love being in my small garden (when the weather improves). Had raised beds made a couple of years ago and have a seat I can use so I can at least do a little bit, but have someone to help with the 'heavy' not so interesting things like hedge cutting and mowing the small lawn. Have gradually changed the garden to make it as manageable as possible.

I also work as a volunteer at our local Hospice Shop - have been there for over 6 years and really love it. I only do 1 morning a week every other week and the work I do can be done sitting down. However, I love going and am very reluctant to give it up.

I really do think that having as many interests as possible does help, but it still doesn't stop the feelings we get as a result of trying to cope with the constant pain.

Do hope you will be feeling a little brighter soon. You can always PM me if you would like to.

Beryl ((()))

dreamdaisy

Hello NB, how are you feeling today? I hope things are at least a little brighter for you; remember that none of this is your fault, it's the disease that's responsible. DD

nearlybionic

Hi
I felt a little better at first today but it was short lived until I got to work.
I feel so useless when I am there, but know I am doing as much as my body will let me. I am due to see OH again at the end of the month at works request.
I snapped at my son as soon as I walked through the door, he was being a `teenager` (like he is!) but he didn`t deserve my words. I now feel like a horrible person. The GP hasn`t rung me and I haven`t rung him either.
Thanks for your messages x
NB

Numptydumpty

You have a lot on your plate at the moment, it's little wonder you're snapping!
I can't offer any advice, but do understand, so I'm sending some more of these. (((())))

stickywicket

You are not a 'horrible person', NB. You are a stressed person in a lot of pain. I'm sure your son will realise that but it does no harm to tell them, from time to time, apologising for your shortness in a non-whingy way. Then forget about it and, if he offers to help, let him