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Men are from Mars

stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,977 ✭✭✭
edited 20. Feb 2013, 15:04 in Community Chit-chat archive
“Where are the luggage scales kept?” he asked, one day last week.

“Either in the second drawer of the bureau or in the big case or one of the holdalls” I replied.

My heart sank as I heard him rummaging around in the drawer, no doubt leaving everything where I couldn’t get hold of it, and then dragging the dusty case onto the unmade bed. No scales.

“You lent it to Peter. Did he give it you back?”

“Dunno.”

Yesterday we established that Peter didn’t have it so today the rummaging started again. Everywhere. When my dearly beloved rummages nothing is ever put back in the place it came out of. In desperation I asked “Why are you looking in my wardrobe? It can’t be there.”

“It could be anywhere” he replied and, alas, if he’d been the one to put it away, that is so true.

Finally he strolled, smirking, into the dining room, bearing the offending item.

“OK. Where was it?” I asked, knowing that the smirk indicated he’d been right and I’d been wrong.

“In the holdall with the blue straps.”

“That’s one of the places where I’d said it’d be.”

“Ah, no. You said ‘in the holdalls’ but it was in the pocket of the holdall.”

“So? It’s still the holdall.”

"You didn't mention the pocket." He was still smirking, knowingly, happily. In his own eyes he was vindicated and a winner.

“Shall we call it quits?” I asked, wearily.

“OK.” He exited, jauntily, still swinging the scales.

Almost 45 years of marriage to an alien.
“There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken

Comments

  • NumptydumptyNumptydumpty Posts: 6,494
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Are we married to the same bloke? :shock: :?
  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,812
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    SW ..it does take a ling time to understand them.. or do we never....and I thought mine was a one off..... :roll:
    Love
    Barbara
  • newbygrannewbygran Posts: 96
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think I am living with a clone of one, :o
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Planet Bloke. :roll: Bless their little hearts, as you have learned they require very specific instructions as to where something might be. Bloke searching for summat usually consists of opening a drawer, giving the contents a cursory glance before slamming it shut with the grand announcement 'It isn't there'. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • appleroseapplerose Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aw, bless their little cotton socks. Yes, they do indeed need exact instructions. :lol:
    Christine
  • migmig Posts: 7,142
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Saints preserve us we've all got the same man !
    NO SENSE OF HUMOUR
    COULDN'T FIND HIS OWN NOSE. (Cleaned that up)
    LOOKS HORRENDOUS IN LYCRA
    The good lord was laughing at us when he created man. Mig
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,977 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I fear you could be right, mig. We are all married to the same alien. I guess once, long, long ago, he did look very good in lycra.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • PollySidPollySid Posts: 343
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I suppose the side pocket in the holdall is the same as being under something. Men don't seem capable of working out that if we say it is in a drawer that they may have to actually move something to see it.
    "It's not here, I can't see it"
    "Yes it is I know I put it in there"
    "Well it's not here now, come and see for yourself"
    I go over, move a diary and a pack of batteries, and Hey Presto, there is the elusive item.
    "How was I to know you had hidden it under other things?"
    Yes, I agree, we are all married to these Martians. :lol:
    I give up, how on earth did our anscestors survive when the men had to search for food? :?
  • maria09maria09 Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for this thread
    It's really funny but sadly it's true
    Although mine starts looking for things before asking me
    Then after a lot of banging and clattering and me having to ask what he's looking for its always in the place it's always been
    Bless
    Maria
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,977 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    PollySid wrote:
    I give up, how on earth did our anscestors survive when the men had to search for food? :?

    I guess the 'food' was moving so easier to spot. Maybe they need to hunt in packs for luggage scales :lol:
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • daffy2daffy2 Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    There is also the 'studied incompetence' factor to consider.Why bother doing something properly if a token or poorly executed attempt will lead to 'someone' (ie woman) doing it for you?
    Sadly mothers can be instrumental in initiating this syndrome in their male offspring and it can be difficult or impossible to rectify! My ex fell into this category.
  • ichabod6ichabod6 Posts: 963
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Bloody hell. You all, every one of you, sound just like
    my wife. I'm off to the pub.
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    May I join you? I promise not to moan or nag and I'll buy you a pie OR a pint. :wink: DD (who isn't currently made of money)
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 25,804 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    daffy2 wrote:
    There is also the 'studied incompetence' factor to consider.Why bother doing something properly if a token or poorly executed attempt will lead to 'someone' (ie woman) doing it for you?
    Sadly mothers can be instrumental in initiating this syndrome in their male offspring and it can be difficult or impossible to rectify! My ex fell into this category.

    My brother was taught this beautifully by my Mum :roll: break a glass when washing up, burn a shirt and Mum does it for you (replace Mum for wife :wink: )
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • TurbogranTurbogran Posts: 1,933
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Stickey
    I'm afraid we all live with these aliens ther'e all the same i fear they also put things away in a safe place they say but when it comes to finding it they have put away so safely that they can't find it. Iv'e lived with one of these strange aliens for 42 years now and he never gets any better.
    Take care
    Carol xx
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