Men are from Mars

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stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
edited 20. Feb 2013, 15:04 in Community Chit-chat archive
“Where are the luggage scales kept?” he asked, one day last week.

“Either in the second drawer of the bureau or in the big case or one of the holdalls” I replied.

My heart sank as I heard him rummaging around in the drawer, no doubt leaving everything where I couldn’t get hold of it, and then dragging the dusty case onto the unmade bed. No scales.

“You lent it to Peter. Did he give it you back?”

“Dunno.”

Yesterday we established that Peter didn’t have it so today the rummaging started again. Everywhere. When my dearly beloved rummages nothing is ever put back in the place it came out of. In desperation I asked “Why are you looking in my wardrobe? It can’t be there.”

“It could be anywhere” he replied and, alas, if he’d been the one to put it away, that is so true.

Finally he strolled, smirking, into the dining room, bearing the offending item.

“OK. Where was it?” I asked, knowing that the smirk indicated he’d been right and I’d been wrong.

“In the holdall with the blue straps.”

“That’s one of the places where I’d said it’d be.”

“Ah, no. You said ‘in the holdalls’ but it was in the pocket of the holdall.”

“So? It’s still the holdall.”

"You didn't mention the pocket." He was still smirking, knowingly, happily. In his own eyes he was vindicated and a winner.

“Shall we call it quits?” I asked, wearily.

“OK.” He exited, jauntily, still swinging the scales.

Almost 45 years of marriage to an alien.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Are we married to the same bloke? :shock: :?
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    SW ..it does take a ling time to understand them.. or do we never....and I thought mine was a one off..... :roll:
    Love
    Barbara
  • newbygran
    newbygran Member Posts: 96
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I think I am living with a clone of one, :o
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Planet Bloke. :roll: Bless their little hearts, as you have learned they require very specific instructions as to where something might be. Bloke searching for summat usually consists of opening a drawer, giving the contents a cursory glance before slamming it shut with the grand announcement 'It isn't there'. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Aw, bless their little cotton socks. Yes, they do indeed need exact instructions. :lol:
    Christine
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Saints preserve us we've all got the same man !
    NO SENSE OF HUMOUR
    COULDN'T FIND HIS OWN NOSE. (Cleaned that up)
    LOOKS HORRENDOUS IN LYCRA
    The good lord was laughing at us when he created man. Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I fear you could be right, mig. We are all married to the same alien. I guess once, long, long ago, he did look very good in lycra.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • PollySid
    PollySid Member Posts: 343
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I suppose the side pocket in the holdall is the same as being under something. Men don't seem capable of working out that if we say it is in a drawer that they may have to actually move something to see it.
    "It's not here, I can't see it"
    "Yes it is I know I put it in there"
    "Well it's not here now, come and see for yourself"
    I go over, move a diary and a pack of batteries, and Hey Presto, there is the elusive item.
    "How was I to know you had hidden it under other things?"
    Yes, I agree, we are all married to these Martians. :lol:
    I give up, how on earth did our anscestors survive when the men had to search for food? :?
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thank you for this thread
    It's really funny but sadly it's true
    Although mine starts looking for things before asking me
    Then after a lot of banging and clattering and me having to ask what he's looking for its always in the place it's always been
    Bless
    Maria
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    PollySid wrote:
    I give up, how on earth did our anscestors survive when the men had to search for food? :?

    I guess the 'food' was moving so easier to spot. Maybe they need to hunt in packs for luggage scales :lol:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    There is also the 'studied incompetence' factor to consider.Why bother doing something properly if a token or poorly executed attempt will lead to 'someone' (ie woman) doing it for you?
    Sadly mothers can be instrumental in initiating this syndrome in their male offspring and it can be difficult or impossible to rectify! My ex fell into this category.
  • ichabod6
    ichabod6 Member Posts: 843
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Bloody hell. You all, every one of you, sound just like
    my wife. I'm off to the pub.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    May I join you? I promise not to moan or nag and I'll buy you a pie OR a pint. :wink: DD (who isn't currently made of money)
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,657
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    daffy2 wrote:
    There is also the 'studied incompetence' factor to consider.Why bother doing something properly if a token or poorly executed attempt will lead to 'someone' (ie woman) doing it for you?
    Sadly mothers can be instrumental in initiating this syndrome in their male offspring and it can be difficult or impossible to rectify! My ex fell into this category.

    My brother was taught this beautifully by my Mum :roll: break a glass when washing up, burn a shirt and Mum does it for you (replace Mum for wife :wink: )
  • Turbogran
    Turbogran Member Posts: 2,023
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh Stickey
    I'm afraid we all live with these aliens ther'e all the same i fear they also put things away in a safe place they say but when it comes to finding it they have put away so safely that they can't find it. Iv'e lived with one of these strange aliens for 42 years now and he never gets any better.
    Stay positive always👍xx