Hi, Welcome!

The community is a safe space for people living with and connected to arthritis to ask questions and share experiences. Get started by registering here and posting your first comment or question!

Sign In with a Versus Arthritis account

Help us improve our website, chatbot and online community
We’d love your help to improve our digital services. It’s important to us that our website, chatbot and online community continue to support and provide information people with arthritis in the right way. We’re excited to be doing research to understand more about what’s working for you and what’s not so we can continue to improve what we’re doing.
You don’t need to be familiar with our digital services or a digital native to take part. The research will take one hour and will be run by a research consultancy SnapOut. Simply fill in the survey below to get involved. Together, we can continue to do more for people living with arthritis.

Fill in this survey to take part

Funnies

villiervillier Posts: 4,426
edited 23. Feb 2013, 09:13 in Community Chit-chat archive
UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant:
Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman:
No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you


BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:
Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:
There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:
Leicester

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:
I don't know.

Stewart White:
I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:
Arm

Stewart White:
Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:
Strong.

Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:
Louis

Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:
France.

Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:
Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.

Contestant:
Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:
The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:
Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:
I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO ( MANCHESTER )

Phil:
What's 11 squared?

Contestant:
I don't know.

Phil:
I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:
Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:
Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:
On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:
Er. ... ...

Richard:
He makes bread . . .

Contestant:
Er .. .....

Richard:
He makes cakes . . .

Contestant:
Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:
Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:
Barcelona.

Presenter:
I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:
I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:
What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:
The Pacific.

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:
Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:
What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:
Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:
How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:
In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller:
Japan.

Chris Searle:
I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:
Er ......... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:
How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):
Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:
In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:
Holland?

Daryl Denham:
Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:
Iceland? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:
No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:
What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:
Er.... .... ..

Phil Wood:
It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .

Contestant:
Blimey?

Phil Wood:
Ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .

Contestant:
(Silence)

Phil Wood:
OK, try it another way.. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant:
Walked?

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:
What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:
Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter:
What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:
Jewish.

Presenter:
That's close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:
Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:
Jesus
Smile a while and while you smile
smile another smile and soon there
will be miles and miles of smiles
just because you smiled I wish your
day is full of Smiles

Comments

  • MerryChapmanMerryChapman Posts: 45
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you! I've just laughed till I cried and snorted. I needed that xxxxx
  • frogmortonfrogmorton Posts: 25,584 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you Marie!!!

    You ok Merry after your snorting? :lol:

    love

    Toni xx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • babygbabyg Posts: 17
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Brilliant, just brilliant :lol: great to have a giggle in the morning

    Thanks so much for that

    Babyg :lol:
  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,774
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Marie...they gave me a good laugh... :lol::lol: x
    Love
    Barbara
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Priceless, Marie. :lol:
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
Sign In or Register to comment.