Angry

Invictus

Hi all,

I don't know how else to put this but I am always/mostly angry! My mood swings are getting worse partly due to all the constarints I have on my life. I had a horrendous/traumatic experience as a child and as I grew older developed coping mechanisms to counter act what I was feeling inside. These were contact sports such as boxing/martial arts. I know live day by day trying to push the negative feelings to the back of my mind but feel totally miserable and aggressive. My health is suffering as a result i.e. high blood pressure, depression. My family relationship is also hanging in the balance!! I hate arthritis with a passion :x Any advice or just a kick up the behind much appreciated

LignumVitae

Aww Invictus, that sounds like a very hard way to live and a lot of energy to burn that could be better used elsewhere.

In a way, you have started the battle against that approach because you can see it isn't working and is causing more problems. Somehow, I guess you need to find acceptance of the arthritis and new coping mechanisms. I don't think anybody on here or in the wider arthritis community will tell you that they like arthritis but in the end, being angry with it just feeds it and you have to find a way of letting that go. I know I like to play cheat with it so when things are exceptional I do a really long walk or I do a short rock climb and although it then pays me back at least I can think 'ha but you couldn't stop me'. I think over the years I have learned to roll with the arthritis punches and that stops me going insane. I also have ways to escape such as music, films, seeing friends and they too help me to distract from it. I guess contact sports are out of the question but could you find a way to challenge yourself rather than others as a means of escape/ letting off steam - what i mean is could you swim and try and work to a goal or something? I don't know what type of arthritis you have or how it affects you so it is hard to come up with a suggestion but hopefully you will get what I mean.

I will say do not take it out on your family, that will just destroy anything good. Instead, come on here, rant away or call the advice line and have a good moan/ cry to them. Arthritis affects more than just joints and we understand that so come and let us support you.
LV xx

barbara12

Hello Invictus
We have been talking about this not long ago with our NB on here...and she was amazed at the amount of people that go through this, I for one said I have never been one for swearing, but I am like a different person some days....my poor hubby catches most of it...I do say sorry after...but I can feel so aggressive..not like me at all. :shock:
So like LV say you have now made the first move in talking to us...we are here to support one another...so you just get it all out...
You take care (((((()))) xx

stickywicket

It’s natural to feel angry sometimes at the pain, frustrations and restrictions of life with arthritis. We think we’ve come to terms with it and then another aspect rears its ugly head. However, as you obviously (from your post) realise, living in an almost permanent state of anger is not a happy solution.

It sounds as if the underlying cause of your anger is further back than the arthritis. The ‘coping mechanisms’ were a good idea but that’s all they were – they enabled you to cope with the anger rather than dealing with the cause. Now that such physical outlets are denied you, the anger has nowhere to go so it’s eating you up. I wonder if counselling might help you to deal better with the original cause. Constantly ‘trying to push the negative feelings to the back of my mind’ is going to take up so much energy and time which you need for more important things.

Arthritis, dare I say it, isn’t all bad. It has taught me a lot of valuable lessons. It has helped me to work out my priorities in life. It has brought me a good husband and some lovely friends. (The ones for whom arthritis is an issue soon scarper.) It has taught me to value the good times and make the most of them. It has meant that my children are more sensitive to other people’s needs but also see no reason why disabled people should be any different to anyone else and always look for ways to include them rather than assuming they can’t be. Of course I’d banish it tomorrow (or today) if I could but I’d want to keep all the lessons learnt.

You say your ‘family relationship is also hanging in the balance’. What does your other half feel about (a) your arthritis and (b) your anger? Can you talk about them with each other?

Sparkys6887

Hi Invictus

Sounds like your having a hard time!!! I suppose it might not just be anger you are feeling? Sadness and fear have a place in the grief process and I guess that's what you have been doing for a long while, grieving. You mention a traumatic event in childhood. One way of managing the feelings around trauma is to turn all the feelings into anger, so if we're sad instead of crying we hurt ourselves or those close bye and the same goes for fear too. I do hope you find a way of getting the support you need to process both the traumatic event from your childhood and your disability. Fighting it won't help. That's not to say don't be angry just that other feelings may need to be expressed before you can find a place of relative equilibrium.

In my own journey I found Counselling helpful and meditation too. Especially as a tackle bag would have probably caused me more damage than I could have done to it!

Good luck

constable

First, I would like to say how sorry I am that you feel such angry. I do understand from the mental health side of things as I have always suffered with depression and anxiety. I know you feel you have had your coping mechanism. But you will find other ways that will help. Are you still on anti-depps. If not get back to your doctor. If you are you can always have a really good vent on here. Everyone does it and it does do you good, just putting it down on the computer. You will always receive replies, which will help as well.

I really do hope that you can find a way. My thoughts are with you.

babyg

Hi Invictus,

I can thoroughly understand where u are coming from with this post, I was like this over the weekend, and at the beginning of the week. I've been off work for 6 months now after an operation that didn't work and left me in more pain due to OA than I had before. I can't drive any more so reliant on others all the time which I hate, I'm sure just like the others have said on here that it all gets too much from time to time and talking to others that are in a similar situation does help. Go n see your gp or if u want a rant come on here. I for one don't mind. I found that getting replies to my post the other day did help to some degree, everyone that I have been in contact with on here have been soooo fantastic and supportive. Hope you feel better sooon. Big hugs ((())) kaye

Invictus

Dear all,

You’ve all been absolutely fantastic...I have never opened up so much since joining this forum and now feel able to express how I feel without fear of recrimination. It would be nice to respond to you all individually but at the moment I am a little unwell...what I can share though is that I took the plunge and went to see my GP who has prescribed me with a course of anti-d's, councelling and blood press tablets. My blood pressure when taken was way in the hundreds systolic/diastolic so I am glad I went. :!: xx

babyg

So pleased to hear it Invictus, hopefully things ease and you will feel better soon.
Look after yourself. Kaye x

stickywicket

I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell, Invictus, but it’s great that you managed to see your GP, ‘tell it like it is’ and so get some treatment which should help a lot. I do hope so.

There is no need for individual replies. The one thing we can do well for each other on here is ‘listen’ and empathise. (Actually, that’s two, isn’t it? :roll: ) Getting the BP down will be a very good start for you.

LignumVitae

What a difference a day makes! Well done, I hope you are as proud as you as I am! That took some guts to organise and carry out. I hope the things the GP has got planned for you really help you out. No need for thanking us, it is what we are here for. We will continue to be here too so please keep us up to date with your progress. Remember when you struggle or feel down/ alone/ angry, we are only a post away so come here and let us support you. Love LV xx

constable

I am so glad you did go to the doctors. I've always suffered with high blood pressure as well and been on tablets for it for many years now. So, that is a big step forward. Hope you dont have to wait to long before the ant-deps kick in for you. You should feel a lot clearer once they do.

Rewter

Invictus, I can apperciate where you are coming from and based on what others have said above, Arthritis can be highly frustrating due to not being able to do a lot of things you used to do. I feel for you but understand your situation.

I used to spend all my time throwing weights round in the gym and loved nothing more than going out on an evening or weekend for a good ride on Sports Bikes. These days, going to gym is minimal and I use it just to move light weights at my physio's recommendation just to try and burn some callories, the spondylosis in my neck will soon stop that though. And sports bikes............. well, they are just a distant memory. In fact, things like just going to the pub and standing round for half an hour having a pint can no longer happen, something I took for granted.

Yes it winds me up, as I am pretty sure a lot of people on here can vouch for giving up things they love or took for granted. I guess its all about acceptance. Just before Christmas, I went into meltdown. The pressures of the disabilty with a bit of bad luck had me acting in both an angry and stroppy manner. Surround sound system stopped working, could not reach the wire to attach........ end of the world. Result, a punched door hanging off its hinges and me holding my head in my hands fighting back tears. This and many other little things that kept me acting like a child. Docs said I was depressed and to fill in forms and take it from there.

Hang in there, see how the doctors deal with it. If your familly life is hanging in the balance, its time to get back in control and do all that it takes as these are the people you really want supporting you

Invictus

Well I have been on the anti-d's for 5 days or so now and I have been feeling much better in myself. My doctor was amazed that I had weaned myself off Seroxat (last year) after years of use. My new drug Citalopram is only a stop gap for when I undertake counselling sessions and is apparently easy to stop. To get off Seroxat was a different story in that, I had to go cold turkey which lasted on and off for between 3 to 4 months...it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through :!: So I did not go back on anti-d's without lots of reassurances from my doc. The mood swings seem less often now which is a breath of fresh air for all those around me I am sure...I sincerely hope you are all well as can be today and thanks for reading/listening

P.S. Rewter, my new buzzword "acceptance". Thank you all and I will keep you up-to-date :roll:

stickywicket

That's good news indeed, Invictus, and thanks for sharing it with us. It took courage to go back on anti-d's after your former experience but then it took courage to get off the last lot so you clearly have that in spades. I'm very glad things seem easier and I hope that continues.

LignumVitae

Every journey begins with a single step, you've made some leaps this week. I'm glad things seem brighter, so so glad. Well done, be proud and keep looking forward!

daffy2

I'm so glad things have started to move in a more positive direction for you Invictus. Is this a case of putting your fighting instincts to good use, giving you the determination to take some measure of control of the situation? Acceptance as a buzz word sounds a good move as it will help you to find different ways to deal with problems - as you have probably seen from other postings people become creative at finding ways round, over, under, obstacles, sometimes with amusing results.

constable

Hi there, I'm in shock. I too was on Seroxat. And was told to go cold turkey was the only way. But with two girls and all the problems we have been having. There has never been a time to try. So Bl**dy good going you. Mark you, I have been recently changed from Seroxat to another one and that has really helped me recently.

So good to hear that you have big improvement in your mood. Maybe now you can get on with life and start enjoying again.

barbara12

The best thing about this forum is talking to people that understand some of what you are going through...much easier than talking to family...its a sort of release and will do you good...and I am glad the ADs are helping some times it can take a few months for them to kick in....you take care x

Rewter

Thats good news Invictus, things seem to be looking up for you. Let us know how things progress