How to start a fight

villier

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....


________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_______________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...



_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......


________________________________

My wife was standing, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started

frogmorton

Marie :roll:

Behave yourself!!!

Seriously though thanks I needed a good laugh

love

Toni xxx

julie47

they made me giggle thank you

love juliepf x


(I can never remember jokes :? )

barbara12

Thanks Marie... you are naughty..but we love yu..

stickywicket

More gems, Marie. Thank you.

LignumVitae

A very much needed laugh, thank you so much xx

Numptydumpty

By eck I needed that! Thanks Marie.

constable

Absolutely Brillant. I laughed at every one of them. Thanks for making me laugh and feel better.

newbygran

love to chuckle, great belly laughs,

villier

Wish I could be more "Naughty"(Barbara) got loads more to share some are a bit too 'naughty' to post on here(well not sure), if anyone wants some laughs PM me and will be happy to send them.................tc ...............Marie xx

Turbogran

Great Marie so funny still chuckling to myself as I write this thanks it is good to laugh.

Catie

Really funny Marie - thank you

numptynora

Excellent, gave me a good belly laugh, thank you


Numps x