Arrrrrrrrrgh!

maria09
maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
edited 9. Mar 2013, 05:11 in Living with Arthritis archive
Just got my self wound up
Can't scream son would think I'm nuts so here goes
AAAAAAARRRRGGGHH :x :x :x
Now that feels better
Not as mad now!!
Maria :roll:

Comments

  • gilly1957
    gilly1957 Member Posts: 212
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear , whats wound you up?

    Glad you feel better :)
  • constable
    constable Member Posts: 2,115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    That doesn't sound to good. Hope it helped you.

    Have to say though, both my girls think I am a complete nutcase. But, thats ok with me.
    Karen xx
  • elainebadknee
    elainebadknee Bots Posts: 3,703
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Maria

    Glad your'e letting it out but what the hell has gotten you goat? ...

    Elainexx
    maria09 wrote:
    Just got my self wound up
    Can't scream son would think I'm nuts so here goes
    AAAAAAARRRRGGGHH :x :x :x
    Now that feels better
    Not as mad now!!
    Maria :roll:
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,912
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Maria

    I hope you are alright??

    We used to have a screem thread on chit chat a while ago. It helps :?

    love

    Toni xx
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your concerns
    Just my Dad driving me nuts again
    He certainly does have a nasty side to him and yesterday he said some derogatory comments abt some really good people I just wanted to slap him!!
    My mums had a serious stroke almost 2 years ago and it's made him more bitter I don't say anything as I don't want to upset my mum
    He knows how bad my condition is but still expects me to go every day (I'm an only child so it's all on my shoulders) plus he doesn't listen to me! He knows best everything I suggests he just dismisses until eventually he realises that's good even a year down the line (I was a nurse for 30 yrs even tried to tell me I'd put a bed pan in wrong way! This time I bit back and said I have been doing this for 30yrs and he stormed off!!
    I'm having a tough time at min pain wise and he doesn't take notice!
    I've told him days he gets his 3hours respite I won't be down!
    Didn't even register that!!! I didn't get I'll health retirement for nothing!
    So I Monday and Thursday I can get some rest!
    I go for at least 3hours a day and as soon as I walk in he goes upstairs on the computer and comes down when I go! I know it's hard for him I'd just like him to realise its hard for me and having my condition makes every thing twice as hard! I come home exhausted and have to lie on settee as the pain is so bad!
    He has the cleanest house I know I go and put all my mums clothes and things away when I get there by time I'm home I'm fit for nothing! Hubby comes home after a long stressful day and cooks never grumbles and has to listen to me moan bless him
    When we go on a weekend my dads a different person doesn't naff off up stairs and stays with us and mum
    Haaaaaah
    Feel better now it helps to write it down and get it out of my system
    Thank you for caring
    Maria
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It’s hard for ‘only children’, Marie. My husband is one. When my parents were old and ill there were three of us to talk things over: for him there was only him and me. It’s a lot of responsibility and you lack the perspective of other siblings’ opinions and back-up.

    From what you’ve written it sounds as if both you and your Dad are finding it tough dealing with your mother but, as we often do, are pulling apart rather than together. I don’t know how old he is but old people can be very unreasonable and see the world through blinkers ie you’re the daughter so you should help and your own problems can’t be taken into account. It might well be that his disappearing act when you arrive is because he, too, needs some respite and, being a bloke, is too stubborn to admit it.

    You don’t have to take any verbal abuse from him but that, too, might be part of his frustration. Could they get someone in to do a bit of cleaning or housework? That way your workload would be less – and his – and you’d both be less stressed.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi
    He won't get anyone in but don't think it's the house is his problem
    He's always been difficult and used to upset my mum so much she would cry
    So now he's getting a taste of his own medicine as sometimes my mum gives him a hard time but as I tell him that's not mum it's the stroke
    I also think its guilt of how he was with her before her stroke
    My mum is the loveliest person in the world and has many friends that come and see her
    My dad doesn't have any friends but that's his doing
    My mum has carers four times a day plus a night sitter so he can get some sleep and respite twice a week
    So it's not as bad as he makes out
    Plus mum can go into respite care for 2wks at a time which she loves as its like going on holiday think its for a total of eight weeks a year
    He has been told by me on a number of times to contact a carers resource group but he says its not for him
    As the saying goes you can only help the ones that want help
    He's not always like this he has his good points but at min they are hidden
    I also think I'm more sensitive these days due to my two types of arthritis I get down easily suffer from more fatigue and do feel useless at times
    SW thank you for listening
    Maria
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This is such a difficult situation for you Maria, I'm not surprised you want to scream. The emotional baggage which comes with the ill parent/only child set-up just magnifies the physical drain on you. Three things came into my mind reading your posts - could you limit the duration of your visits, as you go so often(and perhaps spend less time doing chores?), would your father take more notice of the GP telling him about carers resources?, and does he find it hard having so many people coming into his home every day? I ask this because it was a sticking point with my father when he was terminally ill - he had always done his best to keep visitors out of HIS home(not much fun for us as kids) so realising that it was either allow carers in or go to hospital for the duration made him difficult.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Maris
    I am so glad you have got all that out, it must be so hard..I am not an only child but the only girl...I wasn't suffering for arthritis when I nursed my mum and dad...so I really feel for you...keep talking to us it really will do you good..((((())))xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • deedeeitsme
    deedeeitsme Member Posts: 321
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dads, you've gotta love em :lol: . My dad does the disappearing act too when my sisters or I visit. We are fortunate that we are quite a large family (3 sisters, 1 brother) and do help as much as we can (my mum has dementia) but can't be there 24/7. Dad does go fishing with his friends a couple of times a month and I have mum here with me for the day, it gives him a much needed break and me and mum get to drink tea, eat cake and natter (usually go over the same thing a few times but hey). My Dad does have a moan sometimes and I do understand that caring for someone 24/7 can be both upsetting and frustrating but we also remind him that he has help and family to support him in this, some people do not.

    I do feel for you, it can't be easy coping with this on your own on top of the health issues you have to face yourself on a day to day basis. Stick to yours guns about not going on the days your mum is in resbite, you need your rest too. You need to stand your ground on this too, get your rest, or you will be no help to anyone.

    Take care. Dee x
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear All
    Thank you all for your replies all with good advice and care for me
    I think I do need those days for me but feel guilty but that's just me
    I know I need to take care of me! It's good to be caring and I know I am always put others 1st but it does take its toll
    Think that's why my Arthur's so bad
    I need to take my own advice and take it easier
    Think I'm a bit OCD as I can't stand anything out of place and if I see dust that's it off I toddle to get the duster out and keep out of my sons room! He's taken over from his sister and his rooms untidy by my standards
    Daughters room is so so tidy she's at Uni when she's home it's a mess again! When I go over to her flat she says sorry for the mess I say that's ok coz it's not my house!
    Thank you once again to listen to me ramble on
    Maria
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    daffy2 wrote:
    could you limit the duration of your visits, as you go so often(and perhaps spend less time doing chores?),

    I'd go along with that, too. What your Mum wants (I'd guess) is company and especially your company. If the house has to be spotless it's not your problem. If it's you who requires the house to be spotless though then, I guess, it is :roll: Having had two small boys when my RA was very bad - pre-TKRs - I did actually make a decision to relax and let it all wash over me before I made my own life, and possibly everyone else's, impossible.

    I'm wondering what your Dad does with his spare time. Is he a bit of a recluse or does he have hobbies that get him out and mingling? Does he go for a pint even? If he's not a mixer he must be very lonely and I can see he wouldn't feel able to contact the Carers organisation.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • lazicat
    lazicat Member Posts: 177
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You must take care of yourself and have a break. If your mum has that much support from carers you can take some time off each week to rest & recharge your batteries, you will be no good to them if you burn out.
    MEN are much more difficult than women generally in these situations.
    Is there a club or something your Dad to join to get him out of the house, maybe he's a bit low & could do with a change of scenery too.
    Be kind to yourself .......... and if all else fails buy a punch bag !!

    Take Care Maria x
  • elainebadknee
    elainebadknee Bots Posts: 3,703
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Maria

    This sounds really tricky for you and I cant offer any other advice than others have done but I guess you either grin n bear it or tell him all guns blazing and tell him you struggle everyday...Can't social services help?

    Sending hugs to you me friend...

    ((Elaine))xx
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Maria

    This sounds really tricky for you and I cant offer any other advice than others have done but I guess you either grin n bear it or tell him all guns blazing and tell him you struggle everyday...Can't social services help?

    Sending hugs to you me friend...

    ((Elaine))xx
    Thanks Elaine
    It's strange but since posting on here I haven't been over
    And all seems well without me there
    My daughter thought she was having a flare up of her ulcerative colitis so spent all yesterday sorting her out nurse mummy to the rescue
    Managed to get her an appointment at hospital nxt fri
    So she's home from Uni for the weekend
    So will go to mums sometime today
    Thank you for your support
    Maria
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi lazicat
    I like the idea of a punch bag but would hurt my hands even more!
    I do find writing things down make it clearer then ripping the paper up afterwards I can just about manage that!!
    He has support of social services he knows he can contact carers resources and the stroke association but he's a stubborn old mule does not like been told anything! He's only just started getting Wiltshire farm foods as he says its difficult time wise I told him abt it but he just ignored me until I got him a catalogue from them! So as you see I have a battle in my hands
    Dr told him abt the carers resources and started him on low dose of antidepressants he even moaned abt that what's the point in giving him a months supply when it takes longer than that to work! Then dissed my pharmacy saying he didn't trust him as he's from a foreign country and thought his medication could be counterfeit!
    See why I dispair!
    He drives me nuts!
    He's always hated nail varnish my mum likes it but never wore it coz of him
    So as a treat for my mum I give her a manicure of her good hand and a pedicure and use any nail varnish she likes its gold at min!
    I always give her a facial every week as she loves it
    I don't want to give the impression he's uncaring he isn't he takes very good care of my mum and whatever she wants or needs he's up straight away
    As I say he's just stubborn and life would be much easier if he just listened to people
    Thank you for listening I know you are having a tough time at min
    Take care Maria