Flaring really badly and new relationship

peridotlouise

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here for a long time...
I was doing very well for a while...now I've out the blue been hit by a bad flare. I can't lift anything, doctors given me codeine. My rheumy has ignored all my emails. Don't know how to make this better.

I'm scared this flare won't go and ill be like this forever, this is the worst one so far. I've been signed off work for two weeks at the moment.

I have got a new bf...and he's a really lovely person and I really like him. Finally met someone genuinely nice, but I'm worried that he won't want to be with me because of this. I try to be the happy to lucky girl all the time and that's who he met originally when I was well. I hate that he's seeing this vulnerable side to me and we've only known each other a few months. He doesn't care I have RA....but I still can't help thinking maybe I don't deserve anyone or want to bring anyone down. Been crying a lot today. Supposed to meet more friends of his tomorrow at a party....but I don't feel I can move from my bed let alone make a good impression, then I'm worried more people will find out and they will think him bring with me is a bad idea I'm so insecure with my illness. Just feel undeserving of anything right now.

Just don't know what to do

newbygran

hi there, you need lots of cuddles (((((()))))) and tell your boyfriend how you feel, I feel sure he will help you, lift your spirits, we all feel low when we are unwell, I hope you recover from your flare up soon here's a smile for you and cuddles (())

Buka

Dont try to worry about everything all at once. At the moment focus on getting through the flare - you will get through it I'm sure. When they are really bad flares your mind goes into overdrive and you imagine all sorts of outcomes. Most of us come through flares and out the otherside again. So hold that thought and dont even attempt to go and meet new people while you feel like this. There will be plenty of times in the future to do that. Worrying about your new boyfriend and how he feels about your illness will cause you more stress than you need right now. He is with you and thats because he wants to be. If he is going to become the important other person in your life he needs to know what this disease is all about - good and bad. All of us have partners/husbands/boyfriends who have to make allowances for when times are bad but mostly we just carry on making those changes and allowances because basically the relationship is good. He is an adult and no one is forcing him to be with you - he is choosing to be there so remember that. I really hope you come through this as quickly as possible and you get back to feeling as good as you were previously. Sending you a big hug!

Bukax

elainebadknee

Hi

When everyone starts off in a new relationship we all see the best sides don't we and then in time you get to see all the little habits etc everyone has and that's when you find out if your relationship has got miles or not....I don't know if you have told him that your flares can get really bad and is he aware? Maybe not if you are feeling like you do? All you can do is be honest just say how your'e feeling and your'e not up to meeting thre friends, just be honest, if he's worth it he will understand....As for trying to be the happy-go-lucky girl well if everything is well that's fine but if not you can't put it on if you are in awful pain...
I wish you well...

Elainexx

peridotlouise wrote:

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here for a long time...
I was doing very well for a while...now I've out the blue been hit by a bad flare. I can't lift anything, doctors given me codeine. My rheumy has ignored all my emails. Don't know how to make this better.

I'm scared this flare won't go and ill be like this forever, this is the worst one so far. I've been signed off work for two weeks at the moment.

I have got a new bf...and he's a really lovely person and I really like him. Finally met someone genuinely nice, but I'm worried that he won't want to be with me because of this. I try to be the happy to lucky girl all the time and that's who he met originally when I was well. I hate that he's seeing this vulnerable side to me and we've only known each other a few months. He doesn't care I have RA....but I still can't help thinking maybe I don't deserve anyone or want to bring anyone down. Been crying a lot today. Supposed to meet more friends of his tomorrow at a party....but I don't feel I can move from my bed let alone make a good impression, then I'm worried more people will find out and they will think him bring with me is a bad idea I'm so insecure with my illness. Just feel undeserving of anything right now.

Just don't know what to do

bubbadog

peridotlouise, flares always come out the blue and can last a couple of weeks to several weeks. All you can do is rest and let it pass, if you go to a party with the flare it will only make it worse and take longer to pass. If your new boyfriend really cares about you he will understand. And it would be better to met his friends when you feel better from the flare. With your relationship being in the early stages this is a chance to see if your boyfriend understands how RA effects you. Talk to him, it's the only way he will understand.
Don't ever let Arthur make you think your undeserving! You deserve to be happy and to have a life you want, you fight for it!!

barbara12

Hello peridotlouise
No wonder you are feeling vulnerable...this is what constant pain can do...if I was you I would get my GP to ring the rheumy...there should be someone there you can talk to...I do think your BF needs to see you like this but I understand because its early days you are worried, hopefully you can get some help very soon...and fingers crossed this flare wont last long .
You keep talking to us lot...it will help you cop with it all ((((()))) xx