Anyone else chosen to not have children due to condition?

CatherineGB

I just wondered if there was anyone else out there who'd chosen to not have children because of their condition? After huge deliberations for the last year and a half we have decided that we wont try for children because of the impact on my body of coming off Meds etc. it's been lovely to connect with women choosing to come off Meds but now that we've made the decision not to I wondered if there were other women who'd chosen that too? Or men?

jillyb1

I have 3 children who after helping their dad to care for me , ( I have RA and OA ) , have all decided not to have children themselves and avoid passing on this awful hereditary condition . I applaud their choices and yours too ; let's eradicate this illness . Jillyb

scattered

I decided many years ago not to have children and being diagnosed with RA six years ago reinforced that decision. It's not an easy decision to live with, and other people constantly question it, but I feel I've made the right choice for me. I don't want a child to grow up having to care for me, as I have had to do for my mother (different illness though), and she did for her mother. I wanted to break the pattern.

My brother wants children so I'll probably have nieces and nephews to watch grow up. That would be enough for me.

dreamdaisy

It was a no-brainer of a decision for me. Aged 16 I realised that I could not knowingly run the risk of giving my ill-health to another human being and I don't regret that decision for one moment. DD

elainebadknee

I never wanted children from a young age, nothing to do with my osteochondritis dissecans which you can't pass on....Im just not maternal never have been....For me it was the right decision...

Elainexx

CatherineGB wrote:

I just wondered if there was anyone else out there who'd chosen to not have children because of their condition? After huge deliberations for the last year and a half we have decided that we wont try for children because of the impact on my body of coming off Meds etc. it's been lovely to connect with women choosing to come off Meds but now that we've made the decision not to I wondered if there were other women who'd chosen that too? Or men?

CatherineGB

Thank you for your kind replies. It's funny but my decision hadn't even considered the things you raise such as not passing on this condition and not having to burden children with caring for me. I do feel we've made the right decision but it's not an easy one. We have lovely nieces and nephews though and can invest even more into their lives now.

X

gizmobabe

Hiya, I am in the same boat as you. I am 32 and got married last year. Before my diagnosis we always said after the wedding I would come off the pill and see what happened. However since my diagnosis 2 years ago we have decided not to do it. Like you we are concerned of the impact of coming off the meds for at least 18months (if I got pregnant quickly) and the aftermath.

Also the concerns of being able to pick up a baby/toddler with sore hands and elbows, when husband at work.

I am fed up of well meaning friends and family asking when we plan to have a familiy, and then the pitying looks we get when we explain. However it is what it is, we are happy with our decision, although it was a difficult one to come to.

If you need to chat please PM me

Xxx

dreamdaisy

It's amazing, isn't it, how people cannot respect a sensible, well-thought-out decision because they are so limited in their experience of the world. It takes a little effort to create a life but a huge effort after to care for that life. If one is already physically compromised thanks to disease then that has to be a major consideration. DD

barbara12

Hello CatherineGB
I am sorry you have had to make such a decision...and can only imagine how hard it was...on the others side there are quite a few people on here that have or having children...maybe it will help you to read there story's...or could your Rheumy not get you some help on it...there must be so many women going through the same..
Wish I could help more....((((())) xx

CatherineGB

Thanks for your post Barbara, it's a difficult decision to make and it's hard to know if it's the right one or not. Some women seem to have
a relatively pain free time off their Meds and others really struggle. I'm almost 40 now and as I only met my husband in my late 30s I'd thought I probably wouldn't have children anyway. I'm concerned that at my age my fertility will be much lower. It's such a tough decision as either way involves pain, physically or emotionally. I wonder if there are women on here who made this decision a whole ago and are living lives without children because of their condition? X

DebraKelly

Hi Catherine,

I had my consultant appointment on Tuesday, and after much discussion my husband and I have decided to try for a baby.

So I am now off all meds for 6 months and then we can start trying after that. At the moment the pain is bareable, but will will how it goes.

I will keep you posted on progress.

theresa4

I have felt terribly guilty for the past few years as I worry about my 4 children getting my RA etc... despite not knowing when I had them that I carried it. I had my children young and was 25 by the time I had all 4.
My youngest is coming up 18 and has inherited my underactive thyroid.
my middle girl who is 19 is now being checked for inflammatory markers as she has a chronic painful back. Today at the chiropractors I expressed to her how guilty I felt at her maybe inheriting this wretched disease from me. She told me not to be silly life is for living with all its ups and downs. She said it wont stop her having kids, and I have to say Im glad I had mine. Despite the stress and nerve wracking nights waiting for them to come home, and other problems teenagers bring they bring me a lot of happiness and pride. And my granddaughter who is nearly 3 now (where does the time go) brings me such happiness and laughs that I couldnt imagine life without them.

This all said I don't know how I would have coped having kids at a later age, with arthritis. Im glad I had them young.
Its a personal decision and I wish you well with yours


Theresa x

Christimay

Hi like the previous post I did not know I had RA when I had my children but from aver young age I had vitiligo and under active thyroid but was never told there was a connection with these two or that any thing else was connected I'm 43 now with 3 boys and one girl could someone please let me know the chances of my children inheriting any of these miserable conditions thanks in advance x

theresa4

Christimay wrote:

Hi like the previous post I did not know I had RA when I had my children but from aver young age I had vitiligo and under active thyroid but was never told there was a connection with these two or that any thing else was connected I'm 43 now with 3 boys and one girl could someone please let me know the chances of my children inheriting any of these miserable conditions thanks in advance x

There are no guarantees Christimay, I want them too but all you can do its keep an eye on things, when my youngest started with a lump in her neck at 14 and was tired and irritable often more than normal teenager stuff I took her to the docs and got her checked out the doc took into account my family history of underactive thyroid and referred her on and did bloods. Her antibodies were very high cant remember actual name of test, her scan showed a problem too. The specialist put her on thyroxine. Im glad in a way my thyoid probably went a the same age but my mum didn't know the signs so it was unchecked until I turned 20 by which time Id piled on weight lost half my hair .......
I suppose you can have the philosophy forearmed is forewarned. You don't have to have a family history of auto immune to get many awful diseases, and vice versa in some families it lies dormant for generations. My brother and sister have been lucky so far as is my nephew, none have any auto immune. Me I have thyroiditis, vitilago, RA, and am in testing for an auto immune bowel condition too.
This means I can advise my kids on what to say to the GP in order to get seen quicker, my history means that GPs have this in mind much earlier and like my daughter with the back problem he is pushing more on blood tests rather than pushing pain killers (he has given her some) only.
Im 41 and have 3 girls and 1 boy.
GPs often don't tell you they are linked I found out mostly from my own research as I wondered why I was getting more auto immune problems.
My daughter 19 told me yesterday its like a lottery mum we might get it we might not but if we do we know who to talk to and we've seen enough to know the signs. Shes made me feel much better.

I do hope that no more auto immune pop in in my future generations or yours try not to worry as you could stress yourself out worrying about something that doesn't happen, if it does then you know where to start dealing with it.

Theresa x