Barbeque

katekelly

Well Folks,

Seeing as I've 'invited' you all to my patio warming BBQ (patio has yet to be laid mind!) let's have a virtual barbie!

I'll provide the drinks, salads, nibbles etc. But need you all to tell me what is your favourite barbie food.

Music will be a mix of rock, disco, young romantics and not forgetting the Maestro himself Mr David Essex.

Dress code is sexy and retro so mini skirts and shirts undone to the waist revealing not too copious amounts of chest hair and medallions ( and that's just the women!! :shock: ).

So I'll get this started shall I?

The evening is warm some might say balmy even. The coals are still red but warming nicely for the upcoming event. On the table is a mix of green salads and potato and coleslaw. The lamb chops are marinating nicely in mint sauce and the t...o value sausages are languishing in the bottom of the fridge. Bread rolls seem to be breeding on the kitchen work top which is now resembling a pile of sandbags awaiting the torrents from the local river. Next to the salads between the serviette wrapped plastic cutlery is a selection of sauces some of which had been hiding in the fridge since 1997. Only their congealed lids and slight green tinge give their age away. They are all vinegar based so should be ok - right??

Our Hostess Kate Kelly ( aka Moi!) is dressed in a silver Lycra jumpsuit complete with boot cut legs (the jumpsuit not me!), zip up top and visible panty line. The Afro wig is a little bit itchy and the blue eyeshadow a bit runny ( well no wonder it's been in the bottom of the makeup bag since 1979!). Other than that Kate feels great but wonders if the star shaped sun glasses might be a bit over the top.

The music is loud and the beat get Kate's foot a tapping as she sings along to the words known by one and all. Ding Dong the door bell rings and as our Hostess goes to answer the door she can be heard warbling "agadoo doo doo push pineapple shake the tree". She opens the door to her first guest...........

Please continue as you feel appropriate - marks will be awarded for originality and humour and even smuttiness! Have fun.

Love Kate x

Numptydumpty

Unfashionably early, it's Numpty.
Showing off my freshly shaved legs, to full effect, by wearing purple suede hotpants, teamed with a crop top (please excuse the bulging belly), and white leather, knee high, platform soled boots. My crutches are decorated with felt butterflies and flowers.
I'm holding a Cinzano and lemonade in one hand, and a mushroom
vol-au-vent in the other.
I can't dance in these heels, so stand on the side of this beautiful new patio, cracking bad jokes about dancing.

What do cows dance to? Moosic

What do baby swans dance to? Cygnet-ure-tunes

What is a ducks favourite dance? A quack step

What dance does a car do? Brake dance

What dance do you do at the end of the summer? Tan-go

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

I'm not proud of these jokes, they're to hide my nervousness. :oops:
I think I need another drink, perhaps a Campari this time.

katekelly

Sorry Numpty haven't got any Campari will Dubonnet do? Or how about a Babycham? Loving the outfit and the jokes. You can always be relied on to raise a laugh. As for your belly it matches mine perfectly although I did remove my belly bar as I was scared I'd have someone's eye out with it and the fun police would close us down. Was that the door?......

katekelly

As our Hostess with the mostest answers the door her greatest fears are realised. " hello Mrs K we are the fun police and we believe that you are in possession of a dangerous belly bar!". Very smugly our Silver lady showed her bulging ab's to the officer and purred " not guilty" and shut the door with a dramatic whoosh of her Lycra clad bottom. " do the bump, yes the Bump" she sang sweetly. " Sorry Numpty no one else has arrived yet, I sent out the invites in plenty of time so either we've got the wrong night or I'm a Billy no mates!" The Dubonnet is going down well and Kate fills Numpty's glass and gets a straw to drink the Hennessy out of the bottle. Is anyone going to turn up or is this a very exclusive party just for Kate, Numpty and the garden gnomes? Perhaps the neighbours think that the bread roll wall is indeed a barricade? "Numpty start eating now or else we'll die under an avalanche of burger gaps!"

frogmorton

Why am I always late :roll:

I was soooo looking forward to this too.....just checking my invite....shift I am two days late :oops:

Feel pretty stupid here in my red hotpants and skinny-rib jumper with these knee length white plastic boots :shock: It took me four hours to attach these false eyelashes too and that was without the time it took to paint the flower on my cheek :roll:

My preferred barbie food consists of kebab-sticks of chargrilled veggies mostly and my preferred tipple is well-known to be cooking sherry. Luckily I have brought my own and been drinking it all the way here on the No 47 bus.....

Any trifle left anywhere??

villier

OMG party queen nearly missed the venue
should have taken a leaf outa Billy Connollys book didn't have the ear to the ground.(no I wont have my ankle tied incontinance pants on). :shock:

Although my memory is not serving me well, maybe my home made ra-ra outfit and my seven inch platform shoes(which I fell of and nearly broke my ankle) are acceptable, being five foot one they are a godsend,
and on your lovely even patio I have no fears my false eyelashes are a bit problomatic as the eyesight is noooo wantin to play these days, but I got there, how do you like my new falsies from poundland with the encrusted 'diamonties' don't I just look a treat :P

Well I am off to see if there are any cheese and pineapples on a hedgehog with a nice wee vodka and bitter lemon to wash them down with.

A big thank you to the hostess with the mostess hic! hic! shakiness not shirred. great BBQ

SING TIME!!! SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME hic! tired and I need......... ooo00ft long way home( was well worth it, and the taxi fare ) XX

Numptydumpty

Oh, please don't go home yet Marie, the party is just hotting up!
I've brought my"Twister" with me, anyone fancy a game?
Our hostess seems to have gone missing, with one of the garden gnomes :shock:
Turn the music up someone, I love The Rolling Stones 8)

frogmorton

"Let's all do the conga, come on and do the conga nah nah nah naaah nah nah nah naah!"



Opps! hic........

villier

nah nah nah nah kick nah nah nah nah kick................... oooops thought the party was finished just as well the taxi broke down

Must find the little girls room first I have just passed a mirror and I look like a golliwog :shock: my lovely permed curls have turned to frizz

Ah thats a bit better i look a bit more human.............................. now did I hear Numpty say she had brought her twister with her, ok it is going to be a wee bit difficult in this short skirt, right no peeking you lot just as well I wore my Bridget Jones pants :oops: righty let the game begin....................

numptynora

Oh lordy am I too late? did I get the date wrong? it took me ages to dig this stunning outfit out the attic do you like it it's a mustard suede hot pants suit, a bit grubby but I did stick some butterflies and flowers at strategic points, these wedges are killing me though, I got them from the charity shop, yellow suede with butterflies on the toes hardly worn! sorry about the make-up this glitter eye shadow keeps flaking into my eyes so the mascara has run (what a mess!) I brought some babyshams for anyone that likes it, I shaved my chest hair so it wont make anyone swoon (darn it, I should have done my nose hair at the same time) You're looking good everyone, I've gone back to my wanton youth, any bread rolls left?