I just can't cope with this anymore

Kittkat

My life with this disease is a living hell. I live in fear, anxiety and worry. Every time I go on this forum there's another load of horrible stuff I can read. Like the fact I won't be able to have kids or maybe even that it is cruel to have kids if you have arthritis? I have it in every joint and muscle in my body so I really am screwed!
My future is just horrifying really and I honestly just want to die. I am doing my exams at the moment and I just see it as pointless because I have no future. I am in agony have been for years and my life is ruined.

constable

Firstly, are you on meds to help control your pain.

And, have you been told you cant have children. My hubby was told when he was a lot younger that he couldn't have children. Well, we have 2, My hubby has ra and ok, my arthritis didn't start until a couple of years ago or so. But that just proves that people can be wrong.

Also, you need to go a see your gp about the way you are feeling. You should not have to be feeling like you are. I think a dose of anti-depressants will help you put things into a way of dealing with them. Have a really good rant. You have started to, but you need to really put down how you are feeling. We will all be here to listen to you. And we will all try and help you in any way we can. Please don't give up. Keep going. Things will change for you. And one day you will look back on this period in your life, when you are a lot happier believe me.

scattered

It sounds like you need to get control of the pain you're in, and talk through some of the feelings you've got about having RA -it is RA you've got, isn't it. It might help to talk to a counsellor about how you're feeling. I think we've all felt/feel like that about our disease, but it doesn't mean that it is the end.

RA is a horrible disease, and it's terrifying when you're diagnosed young and it feels like your entire future goes up in smoke. It doesn't have to though. I was diagnosed in my first year of uni, two weeks after my 19th birthday. Like you, I'd struggled for at least a year prior to that. Despite the diagnosis, despite feeling like my world was ending and all my dreams were disappearing, i completed my degree, moved nearly 200 miles from home to live on my own and do a masters degree. I still live on my own, I work, I volunteer. I'm telling you this to give you a bit of hope: i still live a very full life despite having uncontrolled RA.

Having children is a very personal choice. I have made the decision that I won't have children but I would never ask someone else to make the same decision just because it's what I have done. RA actually played a very small part in my decision to have children. I decided in my teens that I wouldn't have children because of my mental health, then I got RA and it reinforced my thinking. it isn't an easy decision to make or live by. only you can decide what is right for you. I know mums with RA who do a wonderful job, one that I couldn't do.

Are you able to see you rheumatology team soon? Or get a steroid shot to get you through the exams? I think constable is right is suggesting you go and see your GP and asking for some anti-depressants/counselling and some better pain relief. Pain makes us feel depressed and then the depression feeds the pain, so there is a cycle. If you can break it, one way or another, you'll hopefully start feeling a bit better.

I hope the exams go ok. Take care.

lizzieuk1

Hi kittkat so sorry u r feeling rubbish have had a grim time myself recently must be the time of year
Anyhow I won't bog u down with my moaning we all have our moments and the forum is the best place to vent and get help/support
Really I wanted to say I have has ra for 9 years now and been quite well controlled on meds until recently as ever there have been many ups and downs!
the reason I've gone a bit downhill though is well worth it in the form of an amazing baby boy well he's 2 now but I wouldn't change things for the world. Yes it has been challenging with ra and a child but wow so worth it, please don't think ra means u can't have a family sometimes the road is long but at some point things will turn around and u will be in a better place, you are still young and the medical world is constantly developing new drugs - are u aware of kings college research at the moment is worth a look u can Google kings and ra research or look on their site under research it really is promising and could make a huge difference to us all.
I am 36 now so u have lots of time to be treated and get well enough to have a family in the future, try to look for positive parts in your life, ur obv intelligent and will do well career wise give yourself time and space to help u accept and deal with ra it is very hard when our having a horrid time but please believe you are not alone we r all here whenever u need us lots of us have been in a low patch but we r all still here and you will Gert through this.
As said please see ur gp and get some antidepressants they will help you cope emotionally whilst your body gets sorted out, gps are there to help with emotional as well as physical problems and have a huge network of professionals they can refer u to for help.
This disease is grim but together we can beat it and live enjoyable lives, chin up keep in touch and we will help u back on the straight and narrow.xxxx

dibdab

Hi Kittkat,

You sound in a really tough place, and RA can be grim to live with but please don't give up. As the others have said already it would be really positive to go and talk things through with your GP, or maybe talk to the Rheumy Nurse if you have one. Maybe you could take a break from your studies for a while until your symptoms are better controlled?

Don't give up on the idea of children- my Grandma had 4 children and battled with RA all her life at a time when aspirin was all the medication they had, her children didn't develop RA, though I have it and count myself really lucky that I live with it now when there are so many medications available.

I really hope that things improve for you very soon, but only you can take that first step of asking for more help, please be a friend to yourself and make that appointment with the GP tomorrow, and be very honest with them about how you are feeling. Keep talking to the folks here, they do understand and can offer you some of the emotional support that friends and families who don't suffer with RA can't give you.

Take care and think about what the next positive step on your individual journey might be.

Deb x

charleeh

Hi Kittykat,

There are folk who have children with arthritis, there are young people at my rheumy clinic with children too so I have seen it first hand. The reason why they say you can't is because its not safe to be on the medication around the time of conception or whilst pregnant. Usually you have to come off the medication a few months before beginning trying for a baby then once you have had the baby you start treatment again. Your rheumy clinic will give you advice on this and give you extra support - I know this because they do it at my clinic.

I guess its hard caring for the baby afterwards - its hard sometimes looking after ourselves with arthritis let along kids but I guess the trick is landing the right husband.... a nice loving caring husband would support and help out immensely, I know my husband would be great with that stuff, but I really don't like kids so i doubt I'd even consider having them any time soon.

As for the moment with your exams, get the doc to put you on steroids. It'll get you through it, it did for me. They can be great to get you through any rough patch. Don't worry about putting on weight with them, I usually put on about half to a stone on but when I stop them I loose it within a couple of months so nothing is permanent. I find IV steroids work best for me as the tablets make me depressed but meds are different for everyone. some people never have any side effects, I know one lady who haves them and they make her very happy and hyper lol

we all have our rock bottom moments, I had one this morning. I woke up in pain and had a right tantrum and started feeling really down and sad but I just try and busy myself thinking about something else and try and snap out of it. And then start on the pain killers again.

Just make sure when you feel well on your good days you do something that makes you happy. make the most of being moderately pain free. thats what i try to do.


Big hugs. Xx

wynnie

hi kittkat ,there is a girl in my village really bad with RA ,she has a little girl about 4 and is now pregnant with another baby and she walks with sticks ,granted she has the love and support of her family and her mother does a lot for her but her daughter is a happy child and has the love of a mother who althought has quite bad RA is always a mother first ,your not doomed because you have arthritis and if you have support from your family then why not have a child of your own good luck for a happy future

toady

Hi kittkat, how are you doing today? A bit better I hope. I understand the sort of worries you are having; I avoided reading too much about RA when I was first diagnosed, now I'm nearly 10 years in and I read things on here with hindsight, I know I would have worried myself no end if I'd seen them early on - but actually very many of the things that would have panicked me haven't happened. I'm on anti-TNFs now and they have got me from barely able to get off the sofa to going out again & can go shopping & much more mobile. These drugs are relatively new and as others have said, promising new stuff is in the research & trial stage so it shows the picture can change a lot in a few years. Hang on in there

barbara12

Oh sweetheart...
You need to see your GP now. to either get your meds in order to relieve the pain...it is a rotten thing to have. but like toady say some of us dont get half the things we read about
I think you should tell your doctor how you are feeling maybe some ADs are in order...there are quite a few on here that have done really well on them, and they ain't for life..just to get you over a bad patch..has for having children..our LV has just had twins and is besotted with them...sometimes things look so bleak there doesn't seem to be a way round...but there always is..why dont you ring the helpline at the top of the forum....they are really good to talk to...and dont mind you having a good cry..
Dont forget we are always here for you to unburden yourself...((((())))xx

jules44

I was missed diagnosed for many years and I went through 4 successful pregnancies, I was in pain though as I carried each baby at the front (so to speak) I am also married to a farmer so was mainly on my own bringing up my children but I managed, these days there seems to be more help available if you are a parent so don't despair, there's always som'one out there who is worse off xx

barbara12

Just thought I would pop in and send you some hugs then you know I am thinking about you....((((())))xx

kentishlady

Hello Kittkatt. Just thought I'd drop by to let you know I am thinking of you and do hope you are feeling just a little better. Take care of yourself. Hope the exams go well for you. Beryl ((()))

Kittkat

Thanks for everyone for kind replies still feel horrible/ depressed. Just want to get my exams over with really although I don't see the point of doing them

Steph88

Hi KittKat,

Do you mind me asking what exams you are sitting?

I was diagnosed with RA at 13 and since then I have done GCSEs A Levels Degree Post Grad and become a teacher. So, I know a thing or too about exam stress and having this condition!

Right now it feels like the end of the world. Like what is the point when this annoying condition is going to be there in your life forever?

Well here's the point: You don't let it win.

It's hard, there's no lying about that. And I've cried, I've been to see my doc about depression, I've had extra time on exams all because of the bloody thing. But now, I have my dream job because I fought through the dark times.

If you're GCSE/A level - go an talk to your form tutor/head of year/teacher you like
If you're degree - your lecturer
They do all they possibly can for you. They know what it is like to be stressed now let alone having this on top of you as well.

You must go and talk to your GP as you need help getting out of the place you're in and moving on to a brighter future.

Imagine, results day, sun shining, you've passed and you get to relax in the warm afternoon sun... Make it a goal. Plan something nice as a treat after your exams. E.G I went away.

Last bit - don't believe everything you read. I may annoy a lot of people here but there are days when I come on here and i have to turn it off because I just can't handle reading on depressing case after another. I've thought about babies and been worried by stories I've read on here but you know what? You're an individual who is different to all the rest so who knows what will happen in the future!?

Make the right choices for you that will make you happy.

I really hope you're OK.

Chin up!