help :(

lizzieuk1

Am in the pits had a miscarriage 6 weeks ago which honestly I feel OK about was v early however my ra has been raging til last week when I had a steroid depot, consequently I haven't worked for 6 weeks am self employed so no money and my husbands salary can't support us both, so financially been struggling I have a toddler who is great but v busy so not much rest time.
Am feeling more down by the day and my hubby seems to have given up supporting me emotionally if I ask him to play with our son when he's back from work he moans and seems begrudging that I ask him, I know he works v hard is out from 6am til 5 and i feel guilty asking but after doing everything all day with bub then cooking washing etc I am desperate for some help. Everything came to a head last weekend when I totally broke down at my parents house they are close by and have been great the last month but I hid how bad things were as I am usually such a positive strong person. Mum says hubby is great dad as always playing etc unfortunately most of the time its because I've asked him to do things, I know he loves our son and is tired but I'm tired too, he is impossible to discuss difficult subjects with and just goes silent if I try talking about things I am unhappy about, I mean things like could u make the effort to tidy up after yourself - surely thats not unreasonable he can't understand the problem why should I worry about him leaving crap everywhere! He says ok ill tidy more but never does. I have no reserves left and am crying all the time, including now, I just don't know what to do I am desperate for our son to have a sibling but right now am despairing it will never be able to happen given the current situation am thinking I need antidepressants but they rule out pregnancy for so long and I'm not getting any younger. Am in despair.often think i d better off on my own as would only be me and our son to look after/tidy up for but am so so sad to think of taking my son away from his dad he adores him I really want things to work out but how can that happen if he won't even discuss things, I mean me talking and him being silent with no response is never going to sort things out is it? This is rubbish

coco67

Lizzieuk

i am sorry to hear your news, you seem to be going through a really tough time at the moment, i would suggest a trip to your drs and tell him how your feeling, you may need a little something to help you cope at the moment, yes it will mean you will have to hold off trying for another child but i think you really need to get your self in a better place emotionally then you can deal with everything else and move forward, or you could just end up further down and more problems to deal with, there is nothing wrong with saying life is hard and im struggling, i have just done the same. i hope you find the courage to speak to your dr,

hugs xxxx

jayney44

Oh dear Lizzieuk1.
I'm so very sorry about your recent loss and sending you gentle hugs. You really are having a tough time of it all aren't you?

I'm afraid our nearest and dearest don't really 'get it' when we are struggling, do they? I know you have mentioned that you don't want any medication to help your mood, but have you thought of going along to see your gp and tell him how you're feeling. There are many other methods of helping your mood besides antidepressants. He may be able to refer you on for talking therapy.

I keep a journal and find that really helps. Its personal to you and you can write anything you want, without worring about hurting or offending anyone.

I'm sorry to hear your husband isn't supporting you as much as you need him to, but it's good that you have told your parents how you're struggling and they are supporting you.

As for the mess in the house, don't put too much pressure on yourself. It will still be there when you're feeling better. Also, if you leave it long enough, your husband may just get the message, esp if its his mess!!!

Be kind to yourself hunnie whilst you are feeling like this.

Gentle (((((( ))))))

Jayney x

Numptydumpty

Hi Lizzieuk,
First (((())))
Second, you have some good advice from Coco67. You really need to get your thoughts, feelings and emotions sorted out before you try for another baby. A visit to the doctor would be a good first step.
You say you feel OK about your recent miscarriage, but I wonder if it has affected you more than you let on, or are prepared to talk about. It is a very distressing time for anyone, no matter how far along the pregnancy was.
Please go to your doctor for help, you need to get things sorted, and get your life back on track. It's never going to be easy with Arthritis, but with a little help, it could be more manageable.
Thinking of you,
Numpty

lizzieuk1

Thanks so ,much for all your support I know that u are all making such sense regards me getting on track before having anymore children, sitting in tears with my son this morning made me realise it can't go on for all our sakes , I have called the docs and will see what they can do to help
Am so grateful for u all here
Xx

Numptydumpty

That's really good news Lizzie, you have made the right decision, I'm sure.
Please let us know how you get on.
Take care of you, (((())))
Numpty

barbara12

Hello Lizzie
I agree with Coco a trip to your gp is in order before things get out of hand between you and hubby..it must be so hard looking after you little boy then the miscarriage..and dont forget your hormones will still be all over the place.
I feel sorry for my hubby...he like yours works hard then has to come home to me asking him to do most things...it is so hard for both of you..you must try and talk to him ..tell him how hard it is without shouting..and how you understand how he feels when he has worked all day..but you desperately need the help..I am so sorry if he wont listen but please see your GP ad will help for the min...I do hope you both get through this xxx

bubbadog

Lizzie, glad you have made an appt to see your G.P, you need to get yourself back on track. I have problems with my OH not willing to sit down and discuss my Osteo-porosis, any mention of how I feel he switches off or tells me to stop moaning so I understand how frustrating that is, and yet my family thinks the sun shines out his do-dar! But he does do all the cooking and takes care of anything that needs doing round the house. The only thing I can suggest is to get a mediator doesn't have to be a professional you could ask a friend or family member just so you can sit down together and get it all out, otherwise it will only fester until one of you will blow and you have no marriage left. Hope you will have a positive G.P appt and find light at the end of your tunnel.

wynnie

glad you have made appointment for the doctors,i agree with the others you need to get yourself sorted before you contemplate another child ,if your tired now think how tired you would be running after a toddler and a new baby ,my husband is the same as yours they think we have been in the house all day so it should be clean and tidy and they shouldnt have to do anything ,in fact i cant think of anything my husband actually does do ,he does car maintinence and they kind of man jobs but nothing else ,he does work 12/14 hour night shifts and i suppose would feel very selfish even expecting him to do it ,we have a six year old grandaughter and he wouldnt think of playing with her or ever did think of playing with her if she was staying over,i know they are hard work but you need to stop beating yourself up and look after yourself we are all here for you ,hope you have a positive consultation at the doctors sending you a hug ((( )))

LignumVitae

Hi Lizzie

You sound to be going through the toughest of times so big hugs and much support. That's so much for somebody to face before you add in RA. I hope the GP was helpful, I think going, even if just for a talk is a really good idea. I don't know if this is useful or even active where you live but there is a charity called Home Start who might be able to offer you some support. My friend told me about them, I haven't used them but if you have a children a volunteer can come to your house and help out in anyway you need, be it a bit of respite with the child care or doing some cooking or cleaning. It might just give you a bit of time, it sounds to me like you need and deserve a bit of a break and they may be able to help. I'm sorry your partner isn't supportive. I think sometimes they don't see how we struggle or are busy thinking of their own situation so they miss how hard you are working to cope. I hope a bit of support from elsewhere may enable you to get the space you need and then hopefully you and your husband can take some time to work things out when you are less tired and in a calmer place each.
Much love LV xx

kentishlady

Hi Lizzie. Am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time at present. Do hope your GP has been able to help you. Remember we are all here to support you. Sending a few ((())) your way. Beryl

lizzieuk1

Thanks so much again for the support, I had a great chat to the gp and my hubby and feel much better today getting it into the open has really helped and am feeling we can all move forwards. Xxx

coco67

thats great news lizze, keep talking and it can only improve, xxx

Claire38

Sorry to hear you've been having such a rotten time.

Glad that speaking to your GP and Hubby helped.

Hopefully things will now continue to improve for you.

Claire x