Grief and the little things . . .

dreamdaisy

It's been a month and two days since my mum died - not that long says reason but it seems an age according to emotion. Yesterday I received forwarded post from her house; it contained two bank statements. That's her business, not mine. Gulp.

I didn't open them. Mr DD was in London having a grand day out with his mate Mr F and I was going to Colchester later for a grand night in with Mrs F. Today we came home and I handed them to him (because he is the one collating all the 'mum' stuff'). He opened them (to check they were statements) and I cried. Very helpful. :roll:

The necessary invasion of her privacy was a strange experience to me. He sensibly pointed out that she was in no position to be embarrassed, and that we need to know what's what because I am the executor and probate has to be arranged, but . . . . . .

We are scattering her ashes next Saturday. That's another 'step' completed.

I never thought I would miss her as much as I do. I think the death of the second parent is so different to that of the first and the chap who washes my wheelie bins agreed; we had a good natter about this on Friday morning. He freely adnmitted that he lost it big-time-stylie after his mum died, that he was in free-fall for three years. I'm not, well not so far, but who knows what will happen and when? DD

jillyb1

Really feel for you , DD , nothing I can say to help but just try to focus on the good times you spent with both your mum and your dad . You were a good daughter to them and you gave them your care and your love . Cliche I know but time really is a healer , take time to remember and maybe some of the good bits will make you smile . Jillyb

Numptydumpty

((((()))))
Love Numpty

villier

((((())))) I still miss mine very much even after 11 years xx

katekelly

Oh DD,

I really empathise. My Mother-in-Law passed to God's keeping on Christmas Day just gone. Because I'm 'one step removed' from her people think I shouldn't be as upset as I would be if it had been my own Mother but that's not the case. I loved and respected her so much and I miss her each and every day.

Being a couple of months on from you it does get easier - promise. I dreamt about her in the week and I woke with an enormous sense of peace but had a bit of a wobble later when I was sat quietly on my own.

My Hubby, his Dadand Brother planted 2rose trees and scattered her ashes as well last week- another step on the long road of grief, mourning and rememberance.

Just remember you are allowed to feel this enormous sense of loss and sadly that is something you have to go through so that you can get to the happy memories and the sense of loss turns to a wonderful sense of shared love.

Take care,

Love Kate x

mig

The only comfort I can offer is to send you and your oh heartfelt hugs.(((((()))))). Mig

applerose

You are right DD, it is still very early. It's not something you will ever get over. Rather you will learn to smile more when you think of the good times. As kate said, allow yourself to feel your grief as and when you need to. It is just over 2 years since my mum went. I still miss her very much but can smile at the memories. I still get upset at times when she's not there for me to tell her something or to see something I know she would laugh at. You'll get there. (((hugs)))

dreamdaisy

Thank you all for your very kind words, I appreciate them. What a supportive group you are.

She will be put under the same tree that she chose for my dad (who died in 2002) because that is fitting. Mr DD will do the scattering - I remember the urns that the crematorium uses and they are too heavy for me to lift and operate so he has said he will do it. He also did my dad while I looked after my mum. We will collect her at 9.30, Saturday morning. I hope it won't be raining.

I am remembering the happy times because they far outnumber the sad ones. It's a seismic culture shift though, for the past eleven years I've rung her at least twice a day, more at week-ends but now there's no need. It feels very odd. :? Time will help - as will the whole process of getting things sorted out. I am dreading that, however, because her house is stuffed to the gunwales with furniture, pottery, glass, pictures - she threw nothing away for fifity or so years. :roll: She will be very angry with me 'cos the whole lot will be going. DD

stickywicket

It's a tough time and there's no ducking out of it but you are a tough lady and you have a very good man at your side. You will cope and we will help you. ((()))

bubbadog

DD, I agree with your Wheelie-bin man, when Mom (OH's mom but I called his parents mom & dad) passed she had been very poorly before hand and in a way we thought she was out of pain and at piece then and we didn't grieve for to long. But when Dad passed it felt so sudden even though he had just got over a heart attack. It knocked us both for six and I will admit we where both raw for a good 2 years. Even now we both break down when we talk about about them. We where both talking about how they would of loved 'the kids' (our name for the kittens) and we both had a little cry. I think you never get over your parents passing and I think that is fine if you feel that way. Sending you a ((((HUG)))).

maria09

Just sending you a big hug ((((((( )))))))))
Keep strong
Maria

dachshund

Hello DD
thinking of you now and on saturday take care
((((((((DD))))))))
joan xx

jillyb1

Still sending out those positive vibes to you and Mr DD , you've been so caring to your mum when she needed you ; it's now time to care for yourselves . Please don't be too hasty at clearing out all your mum's bits and bobs , keep a few mementos to remember her and your dad when you think of them in quiet moments . Hugs from both of us at Jillyb towers .

elnafinn

I know just how you are feeling, DD. I am new to all this too as my dad died in 2004 and my mums funeral is on Friday. There has been much to do and organise which has kept me very busy and occupied but I have had many "moments" and they often appear out of nowhere. I appreciate that after the funeral it will be more difficult for me because things quieten down. I have had so much support since mum's death but realise this will diminish with time. Having to sell her lovely little bungalow will be so hard. I love going there and hate leaving. Everyone comments about the happy tranquil atmosphere in her home and she was always so welcoming to one and all. We already have the venue agreed where her ashes shall be scattered, the same place as my dad's and mine shall eventually be there too. It will be an emotional time for you on Saturday DD and there is still much sorting out to do. I am treading a very similar path as you now but a few steps behind. My thoughts are with you.

Gentle hugs

Elna x

tkachev

Elna is so right the tears often appear out of nowhere. So many things can trigger memories. You can only take each day at a time and crying can help release all that tension and pain so go ahead and shed those tears.


elizabeth x