Past Lovers- Wives and Girlfriends

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gerrymob
gerrymob Member Posts: 7
edited 19. Jun 2013, 15:08 in Community Chit-chat archive
I consider it unfortunate but there hav been three ladies in my life, two wives and girlfriend in between wives

First wife from central America, girlfriend from the Caribbean and second wife from South East Asia. Just a small observation, my mothers in law were more that 5000 miles away.

Met first wife whilst in the army, brought her to UK, marriage lasted 4 1/2 years. No reason given why she slept with another man. Two sons from the marriage, my eldest son I don't see too much, the younger one I moved him here to Wales to get away from London with all its problems. He drives his truck around Europe, see him every two weeks. They have given me six grandchildren.

On the bounce from broken marriage, met girlfriend and lived with her for four years with her five children, asked her to marry me but she said no. I moved on. No reason given.

Eventually worked overseas in the middle east, went on holiday to Thailand, met next wife and have one son. After about 20 years I received a letter from a solicitor saying that young lady wanted a divorce. Who was I to say no. No reason given.

My eldest son is 44 and the youngest is 31.

Last week I spoke to all three of them, they phoned me. Why do they need me after giving me the big heave.

Don't they realise how I feel heariing their voices. I loved these three people dearly. As soon as they put the phone down I am in tears, sobbing. To add insult to injury I pay for the phone calls but having the good London manners that I was raised on I will continue to be available for as long as I can survive mentally and can keep paying for the phone calls.

I shall visit wife number 1 who is currently recovering from cancer, this won't be the first visit this year, if I don't look out for her, who will?

The crux of this topic is really about loneliness, The last ten years have been excruciatingly lonely. I will never get used to it and it hurts more than anything.

Still, stiff upper lip, collecting for British Lung Foundation tomorrow morning in the local indoor market, 29th of the month its National Armed Forces Day when I shall march with all the veterans in Cardiff.

I shall keep everyone up to date with my social diary.

Bye for now and Best Wishes

Gerry

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh dear, Gerry, I don't know what to say. Loneliness is so very hard and having arthritis can lead to greater isolation. I feel reasonably sure that a fair few on here can identify with the loneliness you are experiencing but hats off to you for doing the collection tomorrow (that is one very worthy cause) and I hope the Veteran's March goes well. Take care. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,655
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Gosh Gerry

    You have had an interesting life! and two sons to be proud of, which is more that a lot of us.

    You have loved and been loved.

    I have had two husbands and one cohabitee too rather like you....I think these days serial monogamy is more 'normal' I wish I had married the love of my life first and stayed married to him too, but sadly that didn't happen....if it had my girls wouldn't be here though

    I am sorry you feel so lonely and wonder whether at least wife number 1 feels lonely too :?

    You are doing the right thing supporting others (via the collection as well as the telephone calls), good luck for the 29th and the veterans march.

    Best wishes

    Toni xxx
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 13. Jun 2013, 17:28
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    The children are still in contact and thats a good thing. Do you let them know how much you look forward to hearing from them and how much you miss them.

    I have been in 2 long-term relationships and often wonder how they put up with me for so long!

    Keep up the good work.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I'm sorry you feel so lonely, Gerry. I believe loneliness is the scourge of our time.

    You seem to have lived a varied, useful life and you are clearly still intent on being useful to others. Not everyone would have that strength. Good for you that you do.

    It's sad that you feel so upset after your sons' phone calls. Why is that? because it will be so long until the next one? Can you get skype? That way, no-one would have to pay for the calls and you'd get to see them too. And your grandchildren. I use it weekly to keep in touch with mine.

    Did your sons really 'give you the big heave'? Might they just be bad at keeping in touch? Many adult children are, especially male ones.

    I wish you a fruitful collection day and a dry, happy march in Cardiff.

    And I'm sure you'll find many new cyber friends on here.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry,Sending some hugs (((()))) Mig
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry, Loneliness is horrible, I'm stuck in doors for 9hrs Monday to Friday and the only company I have is Willow & Arnie (my 6mnth old kittens) and occasionally my next door neighbour pops in. My sister comes over when she can but she works 6/7 days a week as she's a carer for sick & elderly people and she has 2 children so she is very busy. She does try and call a few times a week. As for my mother well I will be lucky to get an email or text a couple of times a month and she only lives 1/2hr away from me!
    The best company I get is from this site, it is great and makes you feel your not alone.
    I can understand it must hurt hearing from ex-wives and girlfriends and you feel you need to help them, this might make them realise what a great guy you are for helping them.
    You are a fantastic person to help charities and to be there for your children and ex partners. I tip my hat to you!
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello Gerry..you do remind me of my youngest son...you must always keep in touch with your children...whatever age they will always need you ..and it nice to help one of your partners out whilst she is going through a bad time...but you can only do so much....
    Loneliness is awful ...but you now have us lots to talk to...we may be cyber..but we all care about one another...good luck with everything and whos knows you might meet someone and settle down...my son is 38 and never settled down until recently...he is now with his partner and they have a 10 month old...wishing you well x
    Love
    Barbara
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry, I hope the collecting went OK and wasn't too stressful on your hurty shoulder. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    barbara12 wrote:
    Hello Gerry..you do remind me of my youngest son...you must always keep in touch with your children...whatever age they will always need you ..and it nice to help one of your partners out whilst she is going through a bad time...but you can only do so much....
    Loneliness is awful ...but you now have us lots to talk to...we may be cyber..but we all care about one another...good luck with everything and whos knows you might meet someone and settle down...my son is 38 and never settled down until recently...he is now with his partner and they have a 10 month old...wishing you well x
    oops Gerry Im sorry I have just read your post again...and I see you have a son at 44 and 31 and there's me saying my son is 38 and just settled down ..sorry...I do hope the collecting went well..and dont forget your sons will always need you..
    Love
    Barbara
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Gerry I find hobbies the best way to meet people. When my 1st man left I just got in my car and drove alone(Yep alone) to a club that played my style of music (pre R.A though). I immediately found a new group of friends and a few boyfriends along the way before meeting my current partner. Its good to have things in common.I also go to an art class and have a lovely time chatting (all ladies though).

    I do fear growing old and being alone and being a nuisance in the kids eyes and can only hope they appreciate all I've done for them over the years. It probably doesn't dawn on your children at the moment as they are mid life and have their own issues to deal with. The time will come when they realise what you have done for them.

    All the best and hope to see you on the AC forum,

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • lizzieuk1
    lizzieuk1 Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry,

    Sorry you're feeling a bit lonely, but remember you're not alone you've got all of us, I know not in person but we're always here for a chat or a moan.

    The world has become a much smaller place since communications improved so much and that leaves huge potential to meet new friends even if its only online. There are no strangers just friends you haven't met yet!

    Sounds like your past relationships had alot of communication probs but hey you're older and wiser now so when u meet someone new you can make sure that doesnt happen again. Do you think there may be potential with wife 1? Its not that unusual for old flames to be rekindled and maybe now you're both older and wiser there could be potential to regain the old attractions without making the same mistakes?

    Wiishing u well
    Xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    How's things, Gerry?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry, how was your weekend? How did you get on with the collecting and how was the march? Hope you doing OK.
  • gerrymob
    gerrymob Member Posts: 7
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I would like to thank and show my appreciation for all the kind messages that I have received.

    The collection went well, probably over £200 and met and chatted with people who also had arthritis.

    I do keep reasonably busy but no matter what I do ouside the house when I come home and close the door there is utter silence. Not a footstep or a hint of someone breathing in the house other than me.

    Youngest son came back from Pembrokeshie where he was recording an album with one of his bands, when all the experts do their bit it could be the start of something big. Another son came home from driving his truck around Europe, went shopping and cooked on Fathers day, a first. My young son gave me a fathers day card, home made as usual, I told him and his partner that I did not deserve the words that he had written, they assured me I do. Throughout my life I naver sought and still do not look for thank you's and compliments. As a practising Buddhist I seek for nothing for myself but I have to give.

    As far as renewing relationships with ex wives its a no no. It is nearly forty years when when my first marriage fell apart, our lives have gone in different directions. Wife number two remarried a few years ago and young son went. I did the usual that any ex husband would, bought son clothes for the wedding, the usual card and a decent bottle of bubbly at great expense. I know she likes the sparkly stuff as I got her into the habit with regular supplies of Moet, I like it also. If I hadn't sent son off with a bottle of something to toast her nuptials, she would have had to go to the nearest pub. Who is this man that she married.? My girl friend wants to get back together but she has to divorce first. I don't hold out any hope but watch this space. She phones me at least four times a week.

    The march is in Cardiff on the 29th of the month, its National Armed Forces Day. Have to get dressed up in blazer, corps tie, beret and medals. Hopefully there will be no rain.

    One thing that keeps me going is my music. I like most, from medieval to the latest but my favourite performer is Bjork. She is the lady who is known for one song only, Its Oh So Quiet in which she uttered the word Shhhh Shhh.I have managed to collect nearly everything she has ever recorded on vinyl, cassette, cd, mini dish and dvd. I believe I am her oldest fan. All are welcome to visit and play the large collection, free board and lodging available.

    I hope I have replied to everyone's messages, if I haven't let me know.

    All stay well and happy and pain free.

    Peace

    Gerry
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Well done with the collection, Gerry. As one who has rattled a few tins (metaphorically speaking, of course, as that is strictly forbidden :wink: ) I think £200 is a great solo effort.

    As for the loneliness at home, I can’t help wondering if a pet might help. Some are less hassle than others.

    I’m so pleased your sons gave you a good Fathers’ Day. They clearly think a lot of you. I'm sure you'd like to see more of them but our adult children have their own lives to live and I've found the trick is to enjoy every moment with them when they're around.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,655
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry

    I am so glad to see you posting :)

    £200 is a pretty good achievement for the current times - well done you!!

    Well done you for seeing both sons back for Father's day. No that IS testament to a good father. How lovely to receive a homemade card with a special and heartfelt message in it which I can tell form your writing you DO deserve!!

    I hope that the musical son has success very soon. That would be lovely.

    After my Dad died my Mum (now also sadly gone), used to say that, when she came in, everything was in exactly the same place :?

    As a practising Buddhist I expect you know that the way you have treated people is right.

    Best Bib and Tucker for the 29th then? I love seeing our troops in all their finery and medals. I too hope it doesn't rain because I am doing the 'Race for Life' on 30th in support of a friend who is fighting breast cancer ATM. Mine will be more of a 'stagger' for life, but not to worry my friend will be slow too.

    Take care Gerry and keep on posting this is a good place to be

    Love

    Toni xx
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Well done Gerry on the collection, that is a great amount to collect in these hard times. I agree a pet may be a good idea to help with the loneliness, I must admit my 2 cats help me, it's amazing how easy holding a conversation with a cat is!! :lol: But truly they do help. But we are all here if you need to make contact.
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Gerry. I have only just come across your post. I felt lonely for a short while after my marriage broke up. I met someone else who I was seeing for 10 years but we never lived together. I had by then become used to living on my own so now enjoy my own company. Don't know if I could cope with someone there all the time. My dad now lives on his own after mum died 2 years ago. He is terribly lonely but hasn't wanted to try and meet new friends. Mum and dad didn't have any real friends, only each other. You do seem to be getting out and about so you may find someone special when you're not expecting to. I think the suggestion of a pet is a good idea. Or join a club. Or chat to us. There is always someone on here or not too far away.
    Christine