Brilliant!!

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villier
villier Member Posts: 4,426
edited 17. Jun 2013, 15:51 in Community Chit-chat archive
AN ACTUAL PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target .

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc..).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky .Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex
Smile a while and while you smile
smile another smile and soon there
will be miles and miles of smiles
just because you smiled I wish your
day is full of Smiles

Comments

  • lizzieuk1
    lizzieuk1 Member Posts: 302
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Brilliant, thanks for that it really made me chuckle. :lol:
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Now that should happen to every mugger...thanks Marie... :lol::lol:
    Love
    Barbara
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Ah, I remember this one. Actually, it's not true.

    According to snopes, the website that tells you what’s real and what’s hoax, this piece began life on a Craigslist classified ad in 2009 and was removed after a couple of days.

    There was no mugging. The author admits to working off steam after having his house burgled. “All it took was a couple of beers, some aggravation towards the local criminal population and 5-10 minutes at the keyboard.”

    Over time, the name of the city has changed to various ones in the USA, also Glasgow and Durban (S.A.)
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanks Sticky, I didn't think it was true, but you never know with Americans, I just thought it was clever and gave me a good giggle xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • lurch1
    lurch1 Member Posts: 561
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    It certainly made me smile! :lol:
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,655
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Very clever - a great fantasy yes, but v funny and clever thanks :D