Something to smile (or groan) about

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joanlawson
joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
edited 24. Jun 2013, 03:37 in Community Chit-chat archive
Was driving round town earlier and I saw a sports car all covered in chocolate and hazelnuts- it was the new Ferrari Rocher.

Sad news: the man who invented inflatable shoes has just popped his clogs.

I went to the doctor.
"Doctor, doctor, I can't stop playing children's card games.".
He told me to snap out of it.

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

Typical! I made myself 4 hot drinks- then I dropped the coffee, spilt the espresso and lost the hot chocolate.
That's me down to a tea!

A friend of mine gets up in the morning and immediately starts writing poetry at his desk.
His condition is going from bed to verse.

Husband and wife have a fight.
Wife rings her mum, "I can't take all this arguing any more. I am coming to live with you."
"No no no, my dear girl. He must pay for his mistakes," says her mum calmly, "I'm coming to stay with you."

Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.

There's been a murder in the maths department. The police are rounding up all the fractions.

I've just passed my audition with the National Orchestra of Bermuda. I'll be playing the triangle.

Joan :D
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Comments

  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol: Thanks Joan :lol:
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Glad that you laughed and didn't groan, Numpty :lol:
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  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanks for the laugh!
    :lol: Boomer
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,553
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Big GROAN

    and a smile

    thanks JOAN :lol:
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol::lol: I love them...
    Love
    Barbara
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol::lol:
    Keep em coming :lol::lol:
    Maria
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,725
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol: A bit of both, Joan. It's good to have you back.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • gilly1957
    gilly1957 Member Posts: 212
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :) They were good, gave me a giggle :D:lol:
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Excellent! I like the Moses one best. Thank you, Joan. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Catie
    Catie Member Posts: 362
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanks Joan, I really enjoyed them :D
  • jacqmun
    jacqmun Member Posts: 65
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol:
    When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Unsure wrote:
    I was all of a quiver when visiting my fletcher.

    Ha Ha :lol: Is your name Robin Hood :?:
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  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    More to make you smile, groan, or both......

    I used to be a tour guide in Norway - I was a Fjord Escort.

    I gave up my job in the helium factory. I wasn't going to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

    Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize?
    They say he was outstanding in his field.

    Did you hear about the stamp collecting Irish dancer?
    He was called Michael Philately.....

    I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together- it was riveting.

    What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?
    An investigator.

    The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
    It was tense.

    What did the teapot say to it's lover?
    O, dajarling!

    PS. I was going to tell you all the joke about the 50 foot wall, but you'd never get over it........

    Joan :D
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  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Cracking stuff, Gromit! :lol: It's lovely having you around again to raise my spirits, thank you. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • maria09
    maria09 Member Posts: 1,905
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :lol::lol:
    :lol::lol: