Something to smile (or groan) about

joanlawson

Was driving round town earlier and I saw a sports car all covered in chocolate and hazelnuts- it was the new Ferrari Rocher.

Sad news: the man who invented inflatable shoes has just popped his clogs.

I went to the doctor.
"Doctor, doctor, I can't stop playing children's card games.".
He told me to snap out of it.

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

Typical! I made myself 4 hot drinks- then I dropped the coffee, spilt the espresso and lost the hot chocolate.
That's me down to a tea!

A friend of mine gets up in the morning and immediately starts writing poetry at his desk.
His condition is going from bed to verse.

Husband and wife have a fight.
Wife rings her mum, "I can't take all this arguing any more. I am coming to live with you."
"No no no, my dear girl. He must pay for his mistakes," says her mum calmly, "I'm coming to stay with you."

Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.

There's been a murder in the maths department. The police are rounding up all the fractions.

I've just passed my audition with the National Orchestra of Bermuda. I'll be playing the triangle.

Joan

Numptydumpty

Thanks Joan

joanlawson

Glad that you laughed and didn't groan, Numpty

Boomer13

Thanks for the laugh!
Boomer

frogmorton

Big GROAN

and a smile

thanks JOAN

barbara12

I love them...

maria09

Keep em coming
Maria

stickywicket

A bit of both, Joan. It's good to have you back.

gilly1957

They were good, gave me a giggle

dreamdaisy

Excellent! I like the Moses one best. Thank you, Joan. DD

Catie

Thanks Joan, I really enjoyed them

jacqmun

joanlawson

Unsure wrote:

I was all of a quiver when visiting my fletcher.

Ha Ha Is your name Robin Hood :?:

joanlawson

More to make you smile, groan, or both......

I used to be a tour guide in Norway - I was a Fjord Escort.

I gave up my job in the helium factory. I wasn't going to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize?
They say he was outstanding in his field.

Did you hear about the stamp collecting Irish dancer?
He was called Michael Philately.....

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together- it was riveting.

What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?
An investigator.

The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
It was tense.

What did the teapot say to it's lover?
O, dajarling!

PS. I was going to tell you all the joke about the 50 foot wall, but you'd never get over it........

Joan

dreamdaisy

Cracking stuff, Gromit! It's lovely having you around again to raise my spirits, thank you. DD

maria09