Roll Up! RollUp!

stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 26,623
edited 26. Jun 2013, 16:43 in Community Chit-chat archive
Following on from the unfortunate emails that some of you received from Arthritis Care asking if you’d like to run the Brighton Marathon, it has been decided to organise AC’s own marathon

There has been considerable competition for the honour of hosting this prestigious event. Blubberhouses (N. Yorks.) and Stepaside (Pembrokeshire) put in strong bids. Pity Me (Durham) erred slightly on the negative while Idle (Bradford. Home to the famous Idle Working Men’s Club) was considered frankly irrelevant as our members are far from idle, putting in more working hours to do simple everyday tasks than any able-bodied person. The runner up was Rest and be Thankful (Argyll and Bute) and the overall winner, by a unanimous decision, was Sexhow (N. Yorks).

The format has yet to be decided. The term ‘marathon’ will be interpreted loosely. Greek scholars will recall that Pheidippides, runner of the original race from Marathon to Athens, uttered the words ‘Joy to you, we’ve won’ on arrival and promptly collapsed and died. We want none of that sort of heroics though orthopaedic surgeons will be available to deal with any casualties. (All those who've waited years for your THRs and TKRs - here's your chance.)

The event, hereinafter known as the AC Creakathon, will be open only to bona fide arthritics. Imposters will hobbled. There will be separate categories according to degree of disability and aids required. Rollator and crutch users will not be competing against sore fingers. However, the abuse of walking aids to trip fellow competitors will incur instant disqualification plus confiscation of the aid. The disqualificatees will be responsible for making their own way home. Or not.

Performance enhancing drugs will be compulsory.

The winner will receive a lifetime of operations on demand perfomed by renowned surgeon O Whoopsa-Dazy who has now been reinstated on the Registry of Surgeons following the inquiry into the unfortunate incident with the chainsaw, the vodka and the trainee anaesthetist. (The inquiry exonerated Dr Whoopsa-Dazy from all blame. It was the cleaner what done it. She is no longer permitted to assist at major surgery without first being breathalised.)

More details will be announced as they become available. Meanwhile please feel free to offer your opinions and ideas for categories of competitors, how the ‘water tables’ might be organised (eg with or without whisky?) or any other aspect of this once-in-an-arthritic-lifetime opportunity.

Comments

  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 27,390
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh wow!!!!!!!!!

    synchronised swimming - I have always wanted to do synchronised swimming :D please, please Stickwicket can I can I???

    We can either do it in Cannock Hydrotherapy pool on Thursdays (A/Cs local branch evening) or (slightly safer for non-swimmers) on the carpet at my house???

    Will need extra team members - obviously main criteria being the ability to hold one's nose whilst wearing a flowery hat and look glamorous like me :D

    Toni xxx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,552
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sexhow is a good venue so please count me on for the Creakathon because I know what I'm doing. I propose a 'relay' system for those who are less experienced in doing these things so the distance (whatever it may be) could be covered with ease. I can manage at least 30 yards wiv me rollie, I am sure that Mr DD could shove me another 30 (even tho' my rollator isn't a wheelchair) and thereafter others could pick up the pieces - sorry, of course I meant carry the Creakathon baton. Obviously there are many finer points to be decided concerning distance, refreshments, pain relief, surgery, law suits and fancy dress. These are my thoughts (well, what passes for thoughts).

    Distance? Less than a mile.
    Refreshments? A wide choice should be available, including tea.
    Pain relief? Yup, shed loads of of it.
    Surgery? Yes, please, but preferably not by O Whoopsa Dazy.
    Law suits? Nah, we're in Britain.
    Fancy dress? I'd like to be a Bunny Girl.

    On the other hand I rather fancy lying on Frog's carpet doing synchronised swimming (despite my birth sign I'm not overly-fond of water). Having earlier been Maria Sharapova that will be a doddle (even though I won't be able to give orgasmic shrieks every now and again 'cos techincally I'll be underwater and therefore might drown).

    This will be fun. Will I be allowed to take part to raise funds for asthma research? DD
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I read this out to my oh we laughed so much I had a little accident :( :oops:
    I will do the diving so long as someone gives me a push. :lol:
    What about kit ? Lycra !!! AC pink ? Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,623
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    frogmorton wrote:
    Oh wow!!!!!!!!!

    synchronised swimming - I have always wanted to do synchronised swimming :D please, please Stickwicket can I can I???

    We can either do it in Cannock Hydrotherapy pool on Thursdays (A/Cs local branch evening) or (slightly safer for non-swimmers) on the carpet at my house???

    Will need extra team members - obviously main criteria being the ability to hold one's nose whilst wearing a flowery hat and look glamorous like me :D

    Toni xxx

    Right. Frogmorton will organise the synchronised swimming :) Therefore it will be at a venue or venues of her choice, possibly in two categories (a) swimmers and (b) non-swimmers.

    In the interests of non-descrimination, pegs will be made available for the benefit of those unable to hold their own noses (or competitors could hold each other's noses), flowery hats will be made available on the day. Glamour tests to be arranged.

    Frogmorton will also explain the intricacies of fitting a synchronised swim into a marathon/creakathon :?
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,236
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    SW OH and me are still chucking over this... :lol::lol:
    Tug of war on roller skates...and making the tea is all I could do... :?
  • jillyb1
    jillyb1 Member Posts: 1,725
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Please , Sticky , can I sign up for the Creakathon ? I've recently taken up a new sport of moaning ; not quite as sexy as Maria Sharapova hubby tells me but I'm trying to improve on that . My other area of expertise is downhill wheelchair or slalom wheelchair .
    Jillyb
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,552
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Seeing as how Sexhow is in Yorkshire I reckon we'll be able to accommodate your superb wheelchairing skills - there has to be some hills there, surely. What colour gates would you like? Blue and red like the skiers or a different combo? How's about lime green and shocking pink? V Cheerful! :) DD
  • jillyb1
    jillyb1 Member Posts: 1,725
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Favourite colour is purple so maybe that and luminous , shocking pink ! Jillyb
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'll definitely sign up.

    How about we have a triathlon: shopping mall endurance walk/hobble, stair sprinting, and the high-shelf long grab (assistive devices welcome).

    I think first aid/ambulance at the finish is a very good idea.

    :lol: Anna
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,415
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    About the only thing I can do at the moment without pain, is blinking. I suppose with a bit of effort I could wink, so how about including a Long Wink competition, no sand necessary. :wink:
  • lurch1
    lurch1 Member Posts: 561
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    yes please sign me up. it sounds like a great day out.
    I do think the refresment stops should be pubs, incorperate a pub crawl into this. Wheelchairs users should however be aware of the possibility of being breathalised.
    (To get round this we need volunteers to push said wheelchairs?)
    Please be aware if you manage more than 30 metres the DWP will stop your money :roll:
    Cris
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,623
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: Excellent point. Thought is required here.

    The organisers have been astonished by the depth of interest in the Creakathon and the inventiveness of would-be competitors. Please feel free to determine the rules and regs of any event you are willing to compete in. Then let the rest of us know.

    Jillyb1, there will be hills aplenty provided for the wheelchair slalom. Numpty, you are in charge of the winkathon.

    The organisers will approach local breweries with a view to provision of suitable refreshments. So far, we have the aptly named Old Peculier and Bitter and Twisted on board.
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What about a 100 metre hobble? We would need to have resting benches say every 20 metres so as not to upset DWP. Minimum 15 minute rests. I'd also like to enter the non-swimmers synchronised swimming.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 27,390
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Fantastic Christine

    another member of the team

    t31157.gif

    (I know it's really not synchronised swimming but it looks similar :? )

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